Thrust
by exboyfriend
Summary: Navigating a town she left long ago, Bella finds herself caught in the midst of an age-old rivalry, an inked bad-boy and one complicated Edward Cullen. She'll be forced to choose between danger and safety, what her heart truly wants and what's best. This is the story of the thrills and the rush that serenade the calm and the hush, and this is the ride she'll be thrust into.
1. Chapter 1

**THRUST**

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

"So I'll see you tonight?"

He stands there under his shiny black hair with a toothpick hanging from the corner of his mouth, looking down at me, just waiting on my yes.

Like I'd deny him, but I hesitate for the sake of the game.

I blink a soft nod while stretching a sweet smile at him and watch him back away. He's got the answer he wants, time's up.

He's the guy you day-dream about being around all week long, and then... when you see him on the weekend... he's in and out faster than you can blink. But you hold onto every move he made, every expression on his face and anything he said, just so you can play it over and over again in your mind. He's charismatic, with energy so addictive that everyone wants a piece of him, but he doesn't give his time to anyone. Except his guys. Jacob's crew is intense to say the least and their ties go beyond any blood-lines... they're tighter than family. They're brothers in every aspect of the word.

I look behind Jacob and glance over the guys as they sit on their bikes with their backs to him, parked in a neat row, ready to file out behind him when he signals. The dust they created by pulling in has just now settled and the wind blows a gust that stirs it back up again.

We're standing beside my car, outside of the Stop and Spend and I put the cold glass bottle of Coke he just bought in my other hand while I look from Jacob's eyes down to his shoes. He rides a motorcycle wearing a t-shirt, jeans and boots on most days, but today... he's wearing that gunmetal grey shirt, khaki pants and black Vans and for a moment, I imagine myself jumping on the back of his bike and riding to wherever he's going.

Grey cotton hugs his perfectly chiseled, and long, lean biceps as he reaches to grab the toothpick out of his mouth and point it in my direction. My eyes zero in on the tip of the toothpick and then right back to his exotic mix of mint green, brown and amber eyes.

"Don't make me have to come hunt you down like an animal."

As he speaks, the glimmer of light passes, from left to right, through his eyes so fast that I almost think it didn't happen, but _that_ was unmistakable. With a quick wink and a provocative smile, Jacob turns and walks back to his bike. The Khakis he wears cling to his butt and the grey cotton shirt hangs from his strong shoulders as he takes long, slow strides back to his crew. Briggs says something to him and he nods while kicking a leg over and straddling steel.

My adrenaline is pulsing, his shades are back on, the toothpick back in his mouth and with the flick of his wrist, a loud roar burns to a rumble.

Motorcycles rev and roar as I watch chrome wheels and metal pipes carry Embry, Quil, Chaz, Briggs, Seth and Jacob away.

The way his eyes lit up replays instantly and I'm stunned still. I can only describe it like the scan of light that passes from side to side in a copier but not that bright and there was no white light. It made his eyes briefly gleam as it passed through them.

Which reminds me of how he looked at me from across the parking lot the other night, when he saw me talking to the tall, hot-headed guy that has wild, copper hair and a need for speed.

Which brings me to Edward.

It seems that I'm only drawn to guys that I know I shouldn't be. It's like… if I catch the faintest hint of danger or trouble, I follow it, hunt it down and attach myself to it, though everything in my being screams at me not to.

Edward is just as mysterious. I can't pinpoint exactly what's off about him, because there are so many things that are just peculiar. He's definitely one of a kind... always cocky, nauseatingly confident, and gorgeous. He's way gorgeous. But there's more to him... how quick he is, how beautiful he is, he's smart, and not just street-smart, he's book smart. The most peculiar thing about him though is none of those... it's how he has complete control over me when I'm near him by giving off this constant push that only seems to pull me in.

And I'll see them both tonight.

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**A/N: FYI: The Jacob in this story is young Steven Strait with hazel eyes. You can visit my tumblr for character pics at exexboyfriend dot tumblr com. There is another main character named Briggs. Very important character, I just couldn't label him through the fanfic protocol because he's my own... Briggs looks just like the male model Stephen James but has the face of a tiger tattoo'd across his stomach instead of the Hindu face. (Shiva, I believe) **** I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for stopping by and I'll see you soon :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER ONE**

**A FEW WEEKS BEFORE PROLOGUE...**

I lock Charlie's door and once in my car, I grab the GPS and punch in the address, pressing go while calling Jess.

On the drive there, I tell her where I'm headed.

"You can't go there by yourself," she says.

"Hey," I speak gently, "They don't know me... it'll be fine, Jess." I giggle at her serious tone, "I just want to see what he looks like now."

"I've told you what he looks like now," she raises her voice.

"That's not the same, you know it, Jess. And besides, it's been a month since the funeral. This is apparently the only way. I mean, you even said it, that he barely gets away from that place." She's silent… I can sense the steady stream of thoughts— all the worst possible scenarios that must be running through her mind as I speak up again, "Come on, Jess. I just want to see for myself… I'll be safe."

She ignores me, finishing her sentiments, "You have to be careful, Bella."

A bug splats on my windshield and I check to make sure I've got the GPS volume up. The robotic voice confirms I've missed a turn and prompts me to turn around.

She's not happy about my choice of destination, it's clear in her rushed words, her serious tone.

"Don't talk to any of those guys. I mean it, they're dangerous."

I find the first street to my left and make a quick turn there.

"And call me when you leave and don't have more than one drink," she quickly spills out her motherly demands before I hang up the phone with an unaffected tone, "I love you, Jess. I'm already missing turns so I gotta go... I'll call you when I leave."

The drive there is quick, just nine minutes from Charlie's house and I take in the sunny day. The hills are dusty and plush, giving way to the vast flat land and the breeze blows through my fingers as I cruise down the road.

A few short minutes later the GPS announces, "Destination is on your left," as I roll out of my daydream where Jacob recognizes me and comes to welcome me with a safe hug and a warm smile.

I squeeze the wheel to turn into a large, gravel drive beneath a big sign that says** THE CLUBHOUSE** at the top of a tall, steel pole.

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Moving back to San Ansvaro, California after living out middle school, high school and my twenty-second birthday, in Arizona, is quite a change but I'm cool with it.

San An is a quaint little place nestled into the valley, with lush greenery, calm blue skies, and a charming population of just over four thousand. Here, everyone knows everyone, and no-one is really into the materialistic facade like so much of Peterson, Arizona was. You won't find people obsessed with "keeping up with the Joneses" in San An— in fact, half of the people here didn't even go to college.

My dad was kind of grandfathered into the police force and didn't need a degree anyway, Renee didn't go to college and so... I carried on the tradition.

From separate states, my parents kept assuring me that they could make it work no matter what, but when I heard discussions of a second mortgage and things of that nature, there was no decision for me to make. College was out of the question for me. Unless I wanted to work at a place like The Clubhouse late at night.

From what I'm told, Jacob and his crew pretty much run the place.

It's a dark, smoky bar with old couches, wooden bar stools, dart boards, a few pool tables and some of the dirtiest bathrooms in town. Jess says that the staff there are pretty much limited to the town sluts that dress in as little as possible in order to bring home heftier tips. The Clubhouse looks like an old red barn from the front but the back half is a warehouse where the guys run an auto repair business.

I've kept tabs on the happenings of San An, The Clubhouse and Jacob Black through my oldest friend, Jessica. Her cousin is in Jake's crew. Jacob has this brotherhood thing with his guys, they all work together and have this bond that's tighter than blood from she says. They're secretive and tight knit… and it's known across the town that all of them will take a bullet for each other. They do dangerous things, and I only know a fraction of those things from the worries that Jessica has poured over me through countless phone conversations.

She worries about her cousin's life on a daily basis. I don't get it, to be honest.

As far as me and Charlie, aside from a few weekend visits, three years apart at that, I haven't been to San An since I was nine. Being here, without him is odd.

Four weeks ago I got a phone call that Charlie had a heart attack.

He hadn't been ill. He was healthy, happy, and he served his town every single day. It was so unexpected.

I'm a little better now, I think, but that day I made a the decision to move. To pack up my life in Arizona and bring it back with me, here, to the home I hadn't seen in so many years.

I didn't have any of Charlie back in Arizona, and I knew that through his house and his things and this town, I'd still have a part of him here.

The funeral went well, it seemed the whole town showed up aside from Billy and Jacob, which I found surprising, being that Billy was one of Charlie's oldest friends. Jessica was my rock, helping me get the house in some sort of order.

Charlie was enthralled in a case when he passed and had left countless documents and statements strewn about his office. I tried to stack them as neatly as I could, taking extra care to keep them in order so that when I got the time, I could take a peek at what he was trying to figure out. From our conversations, I knew that he'd been working on a case for over a month. He felt like he was on the brink of an answer just before he died. It was one of my priorities to find whatever answer Charlie was in search of when he died.

Jessica and I mopped and dusted and finally got the house looking good. She tackled the god-awful refrigerator, cleaned it out to allow space for the piles upon piles of food that Charlie's church continued to deliver, even though it was just me there.

My mom of course came with me at first. She loved spending the week with Tanya, Jessica's mom, but she had to get back to her life... so with promises to keep in touch every day, relentless hugs, and quite a few tears, she left two days ago.

For weeks now, Jessica has been right by my side, helping with the house, listening to me, laughing with me when I can't cry anymore. I finally kicked her out last week. She has her own life and I've gotta figure out mine. I've mourned and grieved and it still hurts, always will, but I feel a little better now. A lot stronger. I can smile when I think of him instead of tearing up. I can laugh about things he's said and the funny little gestures he would make instead of speaking. I even have the life insurance money to live on, not to mention an entire retirement fund that Charlie had been saving to give me when I get married. I just still feel like I won't be one hundred percent, back to myself, until I get started on making a life and a routine for myself.

So after breakfast this morning, I decided to start out by going to a bar… the one Jacob Black owns. The Clubhouse.

Maybe I'm not so over this grieving process after all.

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.

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The gravel crunches beneath my tires as it spills into a much larger lot that hugs a big red barn. This is definitely the place. Not exactly how I had envisioned, but it fits.

A black crow shows no signs of moving, as it pulls guts from a dead rat, in the space just to the left of where I park.

I'm out of the car and walking towards the entrance when I see the large piece of metal wedged into the pulls of both of the barn doors. The sign on the door points to a much smaller door to my right, about two covered windows down. I pad that way and come to the entrance.

The club is dark, so dark that as I step inside, I have to stop so that I can make out where everything is.

The music is low, not pounding... appropriate for mid-morning in a bar, if that's appropriate at all. I make my way through two pool tables, and toss my purse on a four legged, sticky wooden stool, as my eyes adjust to the darkened atmosphere— a huge contrast to the stark sunlight blaring bright outside.

The brunette in the jean cutoffs approaches to take my order. Lean, tanned arms spill from the cut off sleeves of a plaid button up shirt, tied just above her belly button as she reaches to grab a cocktail napkin and slide it in front of me.

"Hi, the name's Alice. What can I get you?" Her painted red lips pop the gum as she looks away, waiting for my order.

This place really doesn't feel that dangerous to me, in fact... I almost like the atmosphere here.

"I'll just take a rum and coke, Captain if you have it."

She looks back to me with a smile, "All day long," her sparkling eyes are lined with the blackest liner and they crinkle as she smiles and turns to grab the bottle of rum. I find myself staring at her. She's small and super cute with a red bandanna tied around her head... her dark hair pinned in silky swirls. Small black boots make squishy sounds as she crosses back to the bar to scoop the ice into the plastic cup.

She looks just like a picture I've seen.

She blows another bubble as the rum coats the cubes of ice while she pours. The fizz of the coke makes my mouth water and her bright eyes are on me again as she places my drink on the napkin, sliding it to me with a sweet smile.

"Three dollars," she waits.

"Really? That's all?"

"I don't make the rules… I don't even work here. But the sign's right there." Her finger points above her head, where a white sign with black stick on letters spells out:

ALL BEERS 1.75

LIQUOR 3.00

I reach in my bag and grab the money as she waits.

When I look back up I notice that Alice is consumed by a soap on the tv over her shoulder, as she waits for me, so I just lay the money on the bar.

"What a weasel!" she says as she turns around with a look of disgust, eyeing the money as she reaches for it.

I look around as she walks back to the cash register, not paying any attention to where she goes, or what she's doing… her eyes glued to the screen.

There are two guys in the dark corner lit by a swinging light above the table where they're playing a game of pool. Close by, there are a few more that look a little intimidating, huddled in serious conversation. There's some sort of diagram laid out on the table that they're all in deep discussion over, each with fingers pointing to certain areas on the page. Tv's are all around, each on a different channel. One older guy sits at the end of the bar where I've just pulled up a chair. Looks like he's been here awhile, maybe overnight, might possibly be sleeping here, soon.

In my peripheral, I notice movement through a window of a door behind the bar. This door seems to separate the front of the building from the back. I quickly conclude that must be the door to "operations" and I squint to see what I can.

I can see a few guys back there, one in particular.

The glass in the window is pretty dirty. Smears on it… fingerprints. But I can make out the guy with his back to me… no shirt, black basketball shorts on and a black hat turned around backwards.

A little chill of excitement runs through me as I watch his movements. He's in serious shape.

Above him, a steel bar hangs where his hands grip and his strength pulls him up and lowers him back down.

I glance to see that Alice is still enthralled with the show she's watching and the guy at the end of the bar is slowly lowering his head to the fold of his arms. He'll be out in just a few.

Through the view in the window I see long tattooed arms stretched out. A strong, taut, tattooed back spreads wide. Muscles move, stretch and constrict. I watch him power out each rep, as his body moves up and down. Up and down.

I'm unable to look away.

His biceps bulge as he pulls up, his calves constrict as he crosses them to keep from touching the ground below. I watch because I can't not.

I don't know how many reps he's done, I don't even know how long it's been but I watch as he bangs out one last slow lift and on the descent he uncrosses his legs to place both feet on the ground. He's done.

He walks out the pain as he moves his arms, stretching them, walking back and forth, in and out of my view. From the side I can see he's attractive. Younger, maybe my age, maybe a few years older.

He comes back into view and he's coming this way.

The silver door swings towards the bar, and the sounds of music playing spill into the bar from the back as he walks in. He's pretty tall, probably 6'2" or so, his entire body tattooed. Neck, stomach, arms, legs… everything. Except his face. He doesn't look this way.

He takes slow, quiet strides over, towards the other end of the bar, where Alice is. His hat is off and he lays it beside the register. He forms a devious look on his face as he lightly rubs his hand over his shaved head while inching closer and then reaches for Alice.

By the looks of his face, he doesn't look like the tattoo type. He has baby soft skin and sweet eyes. I notice his nice, almost perfect brows, sculpted cheeks, chiseled jaw bone and his big, pouty lips as his long fingers grab for her shorts pocket. She doesn't look away from the tv as he pulls her to him, grabbing her head to pull him into his chest. He reaches around to fold himself all around her. Rubbing her face into his chest.

Alice is the luckiest woman alive right now.

"Eww!" She shrieks.

Immediately she withdraws, pushing herself away from him... both hands moving from his chest and then back, punching him. He's smiling bright and his eyes are vivid crystals… gorgeous. His head tilts back, lips parted and he's laughing. Alice is still pushing him for rubbing his sweat all over her while she was caught off guard.

I turn away as soon as they quiet their tussling and I grab my phone quickly. I don't want them to know I'm the biggest loser in the place with nothing better to do than drink alone, in a bar before noon, much less know I just watched with eyes glued, all of that.

I can hear him walking this way… sliding a cup off the stack and he's in front of me now. Scooping ice.

I look at him.

Jesus.

He's gorgeous.

He's not paying me one bit of attention. I can't help it. I'm ogling him now.

He spouts water into his cup, holding his hands right where the V under his abs leads to that place. His abs have a sweat sheen that laces the large face of a tiger, inked across his torso.

Alice scolds him from across the room, back turned, back in tv land, "You should get some clothes on."

A deep voice speaks, "What do you think?"

He's talking to me.

He's asking me this question.

He looks over to Alice with a smirk and back to me, "You think I should put some clothes on?"

Where is my brain.

His crystal eyes pierce right through me. He already knows my answer.

"I'm not mad at you," is all I can spill. And a light laugh with a smile. Because what the fuck.

He quickly turns, cup in hand, dismissing me like we never spoke.

"See... she likes it. So do you." He swats her on the butt and walks back towards the door he came in, calling over his shoulder, "Quit your denial, Alice. You love me. Accept this thing we have, the sooner the better." And with that, he pushes the door making it swing fast, banging as he walks through, back to where he was.

I'm not only blushing but I feel a little jealous right now. And she's still completely enthralled in that soap.

A minute or two passes and I haven't even sipped my drink. I didn't even come here for the drink… I came here to see Jacob. I notice the hourglass on the screen and hear her say "He's is never going to change people, wake up ugh," as she walks toward me.

Her soft bell voice rings out as she asks me, "You ready for another one?"

One glance at my cup and the answer is clear, but I pick it up and toss it back in just a few gulps and reply with a yes.

She goes to reach for my cup and immediately retracts, "Let me wash my hands first." She forms a disgusted look, pointing to her other hand and says, "Briggs." Her eyes roll and she looks back to me as I return an understanding smile.

That name, Briggs. A light bulb turns on in my head. That's how I know all of the things I know. She's never mentioned that Briggs was… that hot. I send her a quick text.

**jess wtaf. you never mentioned that briggs is megahot. you've been holding out.**

She immediately replies. **Um, He's my cousin.**

I tap out a quick text. **explains nothing. you and i have some talking to do.**

**Never mind that, has Jake showed up yet?** She ignores my attempts to get more info on this hot cousin of hers.

**no sign. but I probably wouldn't have noticed anyway. too busy slobbering over your cousin. jesus, jessica.** I mean, my life just became a lot more interesting if you ask me, I wanna know all the things, now.

I put my phone back in my purse and grab a five.

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**A/N: Did any of you like Briggs as much as I do? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks to those of you who have pm'd with encouraging words. And a mega thanks to those that have taken the time to leave your thoughts in a review. I'll see you soon, hopefully tomorrow, with Jacob and Edward.**


	3. Chapter 4

After three drinks I've learned a lot about Alice.

Not only are we on a first name basis now, but she also knows where I live. Which in turn, led to the fact that she and Angela live just a block away from Charlie's-my house, which is cool.

While she's been chatting I've been drinking.

_Not a care in the world._

_This is the best idea I've had in weeks._

Two drinks later, I know all about Angela— Alice's girlfriend-slash-roommate of two years. They'd both experienced normal childhoods, both grew up straight, but when they met each other, a friendship quickly turned to much more.

"I know, it doesn't make any sense. Straight one day, lesbian the next… but that's exactly what happened to me… she has something that changed me. And not only me. We _both _changed each other. She's really special, you know?"

I smile at her. She's wearing that vivid look of love on her face as she stocks the glass bottles into the ice. The look of happiness and contentment on her lights up a lonely place, deep down, inside me. And you know... I _do_ know what that feels like, it's just been a long, long time. Seeing that feeling spread from the inside out, in Alice, makes me yearn to feel that way too.

A flash of Brigg's muscular back races through my mind.

"What about that guy Briggs?" I ask. "Looks to me like he's got it bad for you." I give her a playful smirk and wiggle my brows as I stir my drink. The alcohol is bubbling through me at this point and I feel alive. Almost like I belong here and like I've known Alice my whole life.

She doesn't waste a second and says with a laugh and matter of factly, "Briggs doesn't really like me," she stacks napkins into the holder. "He just wants the bragging rights of turning me back straight… besides, Jake would kill him— he knows I'm off limits in more than one capacity. He's just having fun."

"Who's Jake?" I play it off as I ask.

"Jake's my cousin," she pours mixed nuts into three plastic bowls and spaces them evenly across the bar. "This," she twirls her hand around surveying the area, "is pretty much his place." I just nod, like this is all news to me.

She continues, "All the boys around here are super territorial but Jake made it nearly impossible to date in high school. Angela was practically the best thing that ever happened to _both_ of us." We both laugh until the faint rumble of motorcycles permeates through the walls and the low music.

I instantly feel a pang of tension, but I dismiss it.

"Speak of the devil," she says as she turns to grab a rag.

Sliding my chair back, I turn to her as I grab my bag. "I'll be right back, gonna run to the restroom."

The men that were huddled at the table are all quiet as I walk by. One is on his phone, speaking quietly but it's obvious that he's letting somebody have it. The other is writing on the corner of what looks to be a set of blueprints. The biggest one of them all, glances at me and slides the sleeve of his jacket up to peek at his watch before turning his eyes back to me with a look on his face that says _you're wasting your life_.

I look away, trying to make it to the tiny sign that indicates there's a restroom behind the door.

Jessica was spot on about the bathrooms.

They're pretty gross.

Toilet paper spills out of the basket onto the floor, the toilet seat is up and one of those cone shaped air fresheners sits atop the back of the toilet. It doesn't help... there's a stench in here that will take a lot more than freshener.

My reflection is kind to me. My lips still have a touch of the glossy, nude shade I've re-applied twice now out of nervous habit. I've got rosy cheeks and there are no smudges around my eyes. Besides a few fly aways, my brown hair looks shiny and smooth and I feel pretty confident.

_Maybe Jake will think the same._

When I make it back to the bar, Alice is talking to a guy who's just come in. He's pulled up a chair in the middle, between me and the guy at the other end of the bar who's passed out. Another pool table is taken as well.

_Guess this is what time the regulars start to pour in._

I grab my phone to type a quick text to Jess.

I type a quick text to Jess.** i think he just got here. nervous.**

Just as I hit send, white light pierces through the bar. Two guys walk past me and into the bar area where Alice is.

I can't be sure, but the one that goes straight to Alice has _got_ to be him.

It's _definitely_ him.

My entire body lights with nerves. He's grown, so manly now, not the same thirteen year old boy I met at the pool. He still has the same boyish face, just much more chiseled now... still the same long, lean muscles he had that day long ago, just much taller and much more filled out.

Age has been more than kind to Jacob Black.

He and Alice are having a serious conversation. I hear her say, "I'm so glad you got them out."

He replies instantly while grabbing her hand, "Yeah, but they need the day off, Als. I can't get them right back in here after sitting in that cell all night. You gotta do this for me."

She looks at him with understanding and one hundred percent loyalty… nodding in agreement as he brings her in for a hug. She hugs him back with a worried look on her face and then goes back to wiping the bar down.

When he turns this way, our eyes lock and my knees press up and down in anticipation.

For years, I've seen this guy in my mind… played over and over that glimmer he had in his eyes, how beautiful he was and it was all real. Not one bit of that memory was skewed.

You know how sometimes you remember things a certain way, but then you hear someone else's account of the same moment and it's totally different? This isn't one of those cases. I was spot on, and as his big black boots bring him closer to me, I smile.

It's dark in here but not so dark that I can't make out the way his thick eyelashes perfectly frame his gorgeous hazel eyes, or how sweet the dimples on his face make him look as he approaches with a bright smile.

"You new here? I don't think I've seen you before." He places both hands on the edge of the bar, leaning in, and his top teeth bite into his lower lip as he waits on my answer.

I squeeze my knees together to keep from moving them again as I find my voice.

"Depends on what you mean by _here_." I tap on the bar.

"So you're from San An then," he eyes the guy's beer next to me and reaches to grab him a full one, sliding it gently to him.

"If moving back, after thirteen years of being gone, counts as being _from here,_ then I guess that's a yes." I answer playfully.

"Yeah, I knew I hadn't seen your face before," he licks his lips as he grabs a beer, twists off the cap and takes a long gulp. "I'd have remembered you." He points at me with the beer in his hand.

I blush. Because, my brain right now.

He smiles and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand while backing away. His beer is in his hand as he points my way again, "I've got business right now, but give me a rain check and promise to come back?" He looks at me like I can't say no, "We'll play the name game, toss some darts and drinks on me?" He points to his chest, back to me and then holds up his beer in question.

I nod, smiling like a loon because of course I'm coming back.

"Yeah," I smile wide, "Alright."

His lips stretch and his eyes smile as he puckers to blow a fake kiss while pushing through the silver door into the back. And then he's gone.

Just like that.

Thirteen years of daydreams all tied into ninety seconds.

A few minutes later, I decide not to finish up my last drink since I drove here and I close out my tab. Alice writes her number on my receipt and I'm back in my car pulling out of The Clubhouse.

I can't get Jacob's face out of my head as I turn onto the road, headed back to my house.

The sun is high in the sky and I turn the music up, not caring about the GPS, directions, my empty house, _anything_.

I feel my purse vibrate as I near the red light and I dig to grab my phone, briefly looking down.

It's Jess. She's sent six texts.

As I finish out my text, easing onto the brakes, a loud bang sounds and I jolt forward, my feet slam into the brakes, my chest hits the steering wheel and my car comes to a stop.

Looking up, everything is intact, the air bag hasn't deployed… I'm alive, no scratches, nothing bad.

Panic slides through me as I toss my phone into the seat next to me. I put my car in park and scramble to turn the volume down… getting myself together.

I've just rear ended a brand new, white Yukon Denali. I glance ahead and notice the tag spells out _Cullen Automotive_.


	4. Chapter 5

A door opens and a tall, somewhat attractive guy that looks to be my age, steps out.

He has three-toned, unruly, whisky-colored hair that sticks out in every direction. He turns my way, his pale skin spilling out of his rolled up sleeves.

Not only does he look pissed, with his eyebrows raised above his shades, but he's dressed like a pretentious prep.

Through my windshield, he stares me down as he walks toward me.

My heart rate picks up.

I can't see his eyes for the sunglasses, but he has a stern look on his face as he stops at the rear of his truck and glances away from me, down to his bumper… assessing the damage. I can't even move. I'm still in shock that I've just hit someone from behind.

Aaaaaaaaand _shit_. He's walking to my car now.

Fumbling quickly, I grab my purse and lean my head out the window towards him, "I am so _so_ sorry."

_I'm a total idiot, it's spelled out on his face. _

He's so close I can smell his clean white oxford that's half tucked in, half hanging out of grey khakis. He brings his hand to rest on top of the car and looks down through the window. His black belt distracts me momentarily.

"What's your name," he asks.

"Bella. Um, Bella Swan."

A big watch cuffs his wrist as he reaches to adjust himself quickly. In my face. Because that's where his crotch is. In my face.

Seated in my car, his five second movement plays out in slow motion as he adjusts. This isn't your normal grab-the-boys-and-move-them adjustment. No... he's making a statement here. By grabbing his belt buckle and tugging upward on it... lifting what looks to be a heavy load. Every muscle from my inner thighs out, tighten and my teeth clench as he lowers that belt buckle, settling himself back into position.

He leans down to me, coming closer.

"You didn't notice the _huge_ white vehicle right in front of you, Bella?" He speaks to me like I'm a child with his hand raised in the direction of his license plate.

I'm torn from my lusty thoughts and with embarrassment, I look away to open my purse. With shaky fingers, I thumb through my wallet for my card.

"I… I've got insurance," I say as I hand him my card.

"Perfect... " He has a fake smile as he finishes, "now we just need to drop what we're doing so we can wait all afternoon for the cops. You wanna call or should I?" Sarcasm drips off of him.

"How bad is it?" I peek over my wheel to see a few scratches on his bumper, his hitch is a little lopsided, but other than that it's fine. I mean, it's not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

_What's his fucking problem, is what I really want to ask him. _But for some reason I'm compliant.

He lets out a long breath, shakes his head and stands there, shooting daggers at me.

And then it hits me.

A rush of adrenaline spreads through me as that heavy feeling of dread drops down like a cement block.

That word he said, _cops_, flashes brightly through my mind as each frame of the montage of the drinks I had plays through my head and hits me like a TKO.

I reach for my phone to call Charlie.

Instantly, a tear springs and that hard-to-swallow feeling forms in my throat, as I'm reminded that he's no longer able to pick up the phone. Charlie could've gotten me out of this.

"Slide over." His voice is stern. Demanding.

"What?" I say confused.

I see him pull two fingers to his mouth, letting out a loud whistle towards his SUV.

"I said slide over." He looks back down to me, this time holding his sunglasses up so that I can see his amber eyes under a veil of long lashes. There's nothing in those eyes that say he's kidding either. They're hard, demanding and completely serious.

He takes his hand off the top of the car and starts to open my door. When his passenger doesn't respond to the whistle right away, he yells, "Jasper!"

Driver guy is standing right beside me now... no more door separating us. As he waits for his friend, I study the way his pockets flare out and come back down to meet at the peak of a tall mound which lays tight around his zipper.

_The khakis fit him like a glove._

His cologne wafts into my car and the smell is more than delicious. It's an instant turn on despite the chaos.

His friend gets out of the truck and walks this way. Passenger doesn't have the same "look" about him. He's much shorter than the driver, has a clean shave, wearing skinny jeans, a tank top with the sides cut out and has his head shaved on both sides… his long hair molded into a pristine man-bun on top.

"Follow me, I'm gonna take this one home," he says and I can't see his face but I know he's referring to me.

His friend looks at him in question, eyeballs me, and Driver speaks quietly to him, "We're good."

His friend says nothing, just nods and turns to get in the _huge white vehicle right in front of me_ as Driver called it.

He looks back down to me and notices that I still haven't moved.

"I don't have time for this. Move over, or I'll move you myself."

Who does he think he is? I don't even know his name.

Almost as if he's read my mind, he speaks.

"Edward Cullen. Fourth grade and I knew your father. Now move over."

I remember his name vaguely... but it's a moot point as I'd rather put my life in the hands of this handsome stranger than the cops right now.

So I make my way to the passenger seat and he folds himself into my car, but not without resistance.

The seat slides all the way back, "_Jesus_, can you get any closer to the wheel?"

He's clearly pissed off and I'm basically at his mercy. So I apologize again as he pulls around his truck to lead the way.

I look out the window feeling embarrassed, "I really am sorry... can't believe this happened."

His sunglasses are back on and he's picking up speed... quick.

His long legs push his knees almost to the to the steering wheel as he races down the road.

He's one of those jock types. Probably played football, probably got a full ride to some prestigious, expensive college and probably fratted himself all the way back to good old San An. _I can read him like a book._

He makes a small sound... like he's amused by something.

I cut through the awkward silence, "Thank you."

I don't really know what else to say.

"Don't thank me yet... you haven't seen the front of _your_ car."

I grab my forehead and true regret sets in as the force of the speed pushes me back into the seat.

He's flying— hugging curves like he owns this car and not only that, like he knows where he's going.

"I live about..."

He cuts me off, "I know where you live."

_What is even happening. _

He slows to make a sharp right.

"Why are you doing this?"

He cuts his eyes to me, "Your daddy can't exactly bail you out of this one, can he?" He looks back to the road. I say nothing. The sting of his words make me want to punch his pretty face.

He continues, "And my dad owns the dealership. So, I'll get mine fixed... but you?" He turns to me once again, "You've had at least four drinks by the way you smell... I would've been on the side of the road waiting all damn day after all the bullshit protocol and the sobriety tests."

I'm stunned silent. He's exactly right.

I watch as he drives, one hand on the wheel, the other clutching the gear shift. His watch clinks against the laminate each time we go over a bump.

I don't speak and he doesn't either... it's just awkward.

Minutes later, he pulls into my driveway and I turn to him as he grabs his handle to get out.

The fact that he knows exactly where I live isn't even a concern.

I reach over to stall him... touch his leg. He looks at his watch before eyeing me.

"Seriously, thank you." I say.

"Don't thank me... I didn't do you any favors that I'm not doing myself. You're lucky that I'm in a rush."

"I still appreciate it… I owe you."

"Look, I'm not your hero, so don't go falling in love." He steps out, but not without walking around to my door to help me out.

_Whatever_. Is he serious? He's cute and all, but falling in _love_? No worries there.

I mean… he's good-looking at best. Okay, he's extremely attractive. The way he just pushed his sleeves up to reveal his strong forearms while grabbing my door might have just sent a flutter downstairs but… _come on_.

His voice is like honey, when he speaks, "Think you can make it inside without crashing into something else, kid?" He pulls the door wide for me.

"We're the same age," I snap back at him, cutting my eyes up to his. _Jerk_.

"At least one of us acts like it." He gestures to my house with his head, "Get inside, sober up and don't even think of getting behind the wheel like that again."

He's got these big, beautiful hands that reach in, taking my own, as he gives me my keys and helps me out of the car to stand. I pull away from him immediately after I'm on my feet, but not before eyeing his bulge.

Because I've had drinks. _Not_ because I'm falling in love.

He hangs his shades in the collar of his shirt and digs in his back pocket. While he digs, my eyes are drawn like heat seeking missiles, straight to his crotch again. I can almost see the outline of it and I'm betting he's got at least six in there… so he's just become much more appealing.

He looks up, and I'm too slow, he's seen me. I'm completely okay with it. I mean, at this point, what else could go wrong.

He smiles the most sarcastic, fake smile… "See something you like?" And reaches for my hand, tucking a business card into my palm.

"Call that number tomorrow," his apple butter eyes give me a once over, "when you no longer reek of booze." He puts his shades back on and says with a smirk, "I'll set up a time for you to bring it in."

He turns to the sound of his friend pulling in behind us and starts walking toward the center of the drive, where his truck stops.

Running a hand through his hair, he takes long strides away from me. I watch as his friend jumps out and he slides in. He doesn't even look back this way.

"Okay?" I say, entirely confused, but completely thankful at the same time.

I walk up the three green cement steps and sit down when I reach the top one... right where the paint is chipping off to reveal the grey cement beneath.

I turn the card over in my hand and read;

_**Cullen Automotive **_

GMC Buick Chevrolet

**Edward Cullen**

Area Manager

555-213-6870

Well that makes sense.

His truck leaves a dust trail as he peels out of the drive, and out of my vision as quickly as he came in, just fifteen minutes ago.

I look to the front of my car and see that my bumper is nearly hanging off the front, and there are several scratches on the hood that give way to one helluva dent.

And instantly I want to go right back to The Clubhouse.

I am Jack's completely ignorant frame of mind.

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**A/N: So now that you've met these guys, I'm excited to jump into the story. A big thank you to Nicffwhisperer. It appears that she whispered to quite a few about this story. Thanks to all who've reviewed. I really appreciate the time you've spent to tap that button to leave your feedback :0)**


	5. Chapter 6

When the sun goes down, Jessica brings over a bottle of bacardi and a 12 pack of coke. We light a bunch of candles, grab some chips and salsa, and sit in Charlie's kitchen with an old radio we found in the attic, and a pack of cards.

Jessica clinks my glass, a different toast to the start of each game, "Here's to staying positive and testing negative," she says with a big smile on her face.

"Here's to cute cousins with tattoo's... and what you said," I say, and we both laugh.

We pass the fading night hours with hands of Rummy until the bottle is empty and our drunken hands have knocked the candles so much they've spilled.

Jessica tries to wipe the wax up to no avail— ultimately just smudging it in.

The next morning we wake to coke cans all over the kitchen and wax all over the table.

We're both a little hung over and decide that next time, we won't drink the whole bottle.

I grab the eggs out of the fridge and crack open four.

"So Jake, and your cousin… they fix cars, right?"

I make a mental note to take four tylenol as she replies, "They work on bikes and stuff. I don't know about cars."

We're both moving at a sluggish pace, "You think they could fix my car?" I pierce each yolk and whisk until the bowl is a sunny yellow.

Jess pours two mimosas and looks over at me. Her brown hair is sticking up in the back and she has mascara all around her blue eyes. She looks like she's still drunk."I think they just fix bikes, but I'll call Briggs if you want me to."

"You will?" I smile at her like, _thank you for not making me beg_. Because facing Edward Cullen is not on the top of my list.

She grabs her phone as I pour eggs into the pan.

I hear her talking to Briggs and I take a few sips of the more-fizzy-than-orange mimosa. I don't mind because hair of the dog and all.

As I scramble the eggs I picture Briggs doing pull ups, how his muscles flexed and then I picture him again, standing at the bar. His body so defined, his eyes so pretty and his face so sweet. A strong urge for morning hangover sex rises high.

My head pounds as I pour salsa on top of the eggs and fold it into the pan.

"Okay, see you," she hangs up.

"No luck, they only work on bikes, and mostly their own. You're gonna have to call him," she pulls the bacon out of the microwave. "They'll get it done faster than anyone else anyways... and they'll do it right. Just call him."

The thought of it makes me cringe.

We eat and then do a few half-assed yoga poses until we both decide curl up on the couch with blankets and netflix instead.

.

.

.

Three more days go by before I finally swallow my pride and decide to call Edward.

After eight rings I'm transferred back to the lady that answered. "It seems he's stepped out of his office. Can I take a message for you or would you like me to send you to his voicemail?"

"Can you please tell him that Bella Swan called?"

"Sure, Bella. Can I have a number that you can be reached?"

I give her my number and the next day I get a call from the same lady telling me to bring my car into the Parts and Services department next Tuesday.

I really shouldn't have put it off this long.

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.

.

A wall of shiny Buicks, sleek Corvettes and masculine Silverados line the front of the parking lot and I guide my car between the new and the used. Following the signs to the Parts and Services bays, I pull my car neatly to the entrance.

It's been two weeks since Edward Cullen saved me from doing jail time.

I get a nervous flip in my stomach but I tamp it down, smooth my hair and get out of the car, locking the door behind me.

Once I approach the counter, a bigger guy with a name tag that spells out Emmett, asks me how he can help and I tell him, "I'm here to see Edward Cullen."

He's got kind eyes, a child like energy and two big dimples in his cheeks. He greets me, "Ah… you must be Bella."

He purses his lips together and looks at me like he knows all things… including me rear ending Edward.

"Yep, that's me… I'm the one." I hold up my hand, feeling a little shy.

"One sec, I'll go grab him." He inhales and rubs his hands together like he's excited.

A few minutes pass and Edward approaches following the baby-faced big guy. He seems to be busy, carrying papers in his hand, walking fast.

"Here she is," he waves his hand in my direction, Edward following right behind him, and whispers, "and you were right bro, she _is_ hot."

Edward looks at him like he's lost his mind, and the big guy named Emmett looks back to me while pointing at Edward and mouthing, "He said you were hot." He backs out of the lobby holding up both hands like he's surrendering to a stick-up.

I don't hide my amusement.

Edward just stares at me, unamused. It's clear he's embarrassed though.

"Ignore him, he's a total idiot," he says unbothered. "What took you so long to bring it in?"

I step closer, looking up at him, trying to appear seductive, "So… you think I'm hot?"

His expression goes from unamused to humorous.

"If by hot, you mean hot mess? Then, yes."

I laugh and it breaks the tension.

He smiles, but it isn't without hesitation… he's trying his best not to.

There's an energy between us. It's not friendly but it isn't malicious… it's just there, undeniably felt by both of us.

"You got the keys?" He holds out his hand.

I dangle them between us.

He gently takes them from my hand, "Is someone here to take you home?"

He's not going for any of my advances so I give up the seductive act.

"Yeah, my friend Jessica is coming to get me… she should be here in a few minutes."

His cordial smile and attitude is gone, he's back to inpatient professional.

As he starts walking, I follow closely, listening as he speaks, "It will take at least two days before it's ready. You really need a new hood and bumper."

Women look up from their desks as we pass… their eyes glued to Edward. I'm invisible next to him.

He continues, "Parts should be here within a few hours, it might take the rest of the day for the guys to paint them to match, and the paint has to cure 24 hours before they can begin installation." He stops and looks back to me, "So, I take that back… three days."

"Three _days_," I say, unprepared to be that long without my car.

He touches his chest and leans into me speaking quietly, "Oh, I'm sorry Miss Swan, am _I _inconveniencing _you_ now?" He gestures toward the front, touching his hand to the small of my back while walking us both forward. "Here, let me show you the door."

I hold a hand out, "No, no. I mean, I just didn't prepare for that. I don't have any other transportation and I know like five people in this town."

_Well, I did have transportation. Charlie's truck, but I wasn't ready for that yet._

"Listen, I'm not your babysitter or your problem solver… you want your car fixed or not?"

_What an asshole_

"Yes."

He takes his phone out of his pocket, and with a fake smile and sarcastic tone, he gets to his point, "Then give me your number, not a hard time. I'll call you when it's ready."

_This guy is a piece of work. _

Makes me wonder what's happened to him to make him act this way. I actually feel a little sorry for him.

After he takes my number he walks me to the waiting area where I sit for thirty minutes with no sign of Jessica. And she isn't answering her phone. Voicemail, every time.

I am about to call Jess's mom when I hear him speak, "Your ride on the way, still?" He's leaning against the door frame, hands in his pockets, looking at me like he's concerned.

_He's so hot and cold I can't keep up._

"I can't reach her. I don't know what's going on."

"Come on," he nods towards the door, "I'll take you home."

I follow behind him as he leads me through the lobby, out into the parking lot. We walk alongside rows of cars and come to the side of the building. On the corner sits a new custom Stingray parked diagonally, taking up two spaces. It's sleek and white, with red wheel wells and all black rims.

It looks like sex.

He opens the door for me and we share a glance as I dip inside.

Sexier than any man, the smell of the car's tightly pulled leather, lights a fire inside me. His seat is already pushed back, his business cards are in the console like it's his regular ride and a flutter stirs deep at the thought of him owning it.

The second we turn out of the dealership and onto the road, we accelerate to eighty in no time. The force of exertion has me pressed into the seat and the roar of the engine is the only sound I hear.

The cars blur one by one, as we pass and the most erotic feeling of pleasure and excitement spreads as we race towards my house.

When he glances this way, I don't even care that I'm smiling so wide, I like this.

He looks back to the road and I can see the crooked smile on his face too.

The energy is crackling and alive... floating between us on the silent ride home.

So low to the ground, tucked in behind this powerful engine, Edward knows how to drive. He hugs each curve with full control, turning me inside out with the thrill of the ride.

As we approach my street in the distance, he slows, and my high is gone.

When he turns into the driveway I'm not ready for it to be over. I'm not ready for voices. We're so good when we're silent.

He parks in front of the steps and looks over to me, a serious look on his face, "What were you doing at The Clubhouse that day?" He adjusts his watch and continues, "Besides drinking."

"How did you know th..," before I can finish he cuts me off.

"We passed you pulling out of the parking lot."

"Oh, I mean. I don't know… google. It's been a weird month. Just decided to go to a bar, and google pointed me to that one." I don't know why I lie to him.

"You should stay away from that place," He says it quietly. Almost like he's taking care with this warning, like it truly matters… if he says it too harsh, it might push me towards it, but if he's gentle enough, I might actually take heed.

He might be right, but I doubt it will happen, "Why do you care?"

And just like that, all gentleness fades and pompous returns.

"I don't. You just seem like you need some guidance. Your father was a good man, he'd tell you the same thing."

That stings, but I don't take offense.

"Look, why don't we just hang out or something," I want him to come in.

He lets out a small laugh, "I've got a girlfriend, the last thing I need is another one, kid."

I ignore his jab and finish, "I'm not offering you a blowjob, and stop calling me kid." He looks straight at my mouth as I finish, " I just thought that maybe you could come in and talk for awhile. I don't know, maybe get to know you or something. I barely know anyone here, it would be nice."

He smiles a nice smile that makes his eyes crinkle and shakes his head. His phone buzzes.

Phone in his hand he says, "I gotta take this and get back… I'll call you when it's ready."

I let myself out and watch his tail lights as he leaves. Again.

Later that night, Jessica finally calls.

"My phone died this morning, my cousin showed up out of the blue, I couldn't find my charger anywhere and I've been so sidetracked that I completely forgot I was supposed to pick you up earlier. Plus work..."

"It's okay, take a breath" I stop her and grab the nail polish, "it actually ended up working out pretty well."

She can hear the smile in my voice and I can hear hers when she says, "Tell me everything. Did you see him?"

"You first. What happened today?"

I swipe a soft shade of grey over my pinkie toe as she begins, "My cousin is going to give me a heart attack. He was here for hours this morning, and then mom came by... " she trails off going through her day, "and he's supposed to be coming back."

I switch to the other foot, "Wait, he's coming back tonight? Because, sleepover at your house."

She laughs.

_I'm totally serious._

She sounds tired, "Yeah, he is. And not just for tonight. He needs a place to lay low for awhile, so it looks like I've got a roommate now."

Excitement bubbles up inside me as I think about what that means. One minute he's a fantasy, the next Jessica's roommate? _Oh_.

I try to contain myself and console her instead of taking total advantage of this new turn of events..

"Jess, I'm sorry. I know you worry about him."

"All the time now."

"How about you get your mind off of the worries and get over here to watch a movie with me?"

"That sounds good. Gimme five."

I weave pieces of cotton between each toe and walk to the back door.

Flipping on the light, I watch for her.

She walks under the canopy of large redwoods and valley oaks that paint the expanse between us. When she makes it to the old pine fence, I think back to when we were seven— when Charlie installed a small gate in the corner so we'd stop jumping over the fence. He, mom and Renee spent a weekend landscaping an entry way between our yards, adding stepping stones, pompous grass and desert wildflowers. That was a great weekend. Jess and I caught fireflies in mason jars while Charlie and our moms finished the last stones… we felt like our yards were magical back then, and standing here now, the trees much taller… I still feel that way.

.

.

.

Hours later, after we've both fallen asleep on the couch, Jess on one end, me on the other, a buzzing sound won't let me sleep. The light of the tv strobes as I wake from a fog to find the sound and I see her phone lit up on the floor.

"Hello?"

A quiet raspy voice I've heard before speaks, "Jess, I'm locked out, will you come let me in?"

"This is Bella, hang on… she's asleep."

I shake Jess's shoulder, trying to wake her. She turns over sticking her face into the back of the couch.

"Jess," I nudge her again, "your cousin is on the phone… he's locked out."

She mumbles like a zombie… "Keeeeys over there," while hanging an arm out in the direction of her bag.

I grab her purse and rummage through it until I find her keys, bringing the phone back to my ear.

Jess is already snoring.

"I've got her keys, we're here at my house."

"Ok, where's that?"

"Are you at Jess's front door?"

I look down to see I'm just in panties and a t-shirt as he says, "Yes."

"I live right behind her, come to the back yard... I'll meet you at the fence."

**A/N: A massive thank you to the hardworking ladies over at The Lemonade Stand blog… another big thanks to all of you that leave reviews. I smile each time I get a word, thanks so much. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and I'll see you soon ;)**


	6. Chapter 7

I'm frantically hopping around, trying to pull on shorts, while looking for my shoes.

I step on Jess's flip flop and almost faceplant into the corner of the wall. Adrenaline pumps and I pray I make it out the door in one piece.

The floors creak as I make my way around the den, into the study and through the french doors.

As I walk into the kitchen, the white moonlight streams through the panes in the window and my stomach flips when I open the door.

Outside, the night air is ink black and mellow calm... crickets chirp, and the cicadas do what they do.

The grass is plush under my shoes as I make my way under the tall king palm, passing through the to the cool foliage sprinkled along the edge where the pacific coast irises stand tall and beautiful. Thoughts of Charlie and how he loved to garden skitter through my mind.

I hear twigs snapping as I get closer, and I can see a tall, shadowy silhouette making his way to the fence.

My heart is beating lightly in my chest, with equal parts, school-girl-crush and excitement, pulsing through.

As I near the stepping stones I can see him better. His tattooed arms are bare and a black tank hangs from his shoulders with the word _hype_ written in white, diagonally across his chest.

Under the canopy of old valley oaks and tall sycamores, he's alternately glancing up and looking back to the ground as his footsteps bring him closer, stopping at the fence, where we meet.

I stand on the other side of the gate, a good foot shorter than him. The light from the post pours over his hat shading his face, but revealing all of me.

"You," He adjusts his hat bringing it up higher on his head... where I can see his eyes.

"I'm Bella," I smile, opening the gate and passing through.

"I remember you." He grabs the gate and closes it behind me. "Sorry I woke you up."

"It's cool, I'm a light sleeper." I give him a knowing look, "Your cousin however..."

"Yeah, tell me about it, right?" He smiles.

I walk through the trees as he follows quietly.

"It's a good thing we were just behind you or else you might've had to take the porch for the night," I look behind me and he meets my eyes, shrugging his shoulders.

"I've slept in worse places... wouldn't have been a big deal." His deep tone gives me a feeling that he's being sincere, which makes me regret ever saying that.

We weave through the trees and exit beside the apricot mallows Charlie, Tanya and mom planted years ago. I tug a wild lilac free as we cross Jess's yard, coming up on the back of her house without any more words.

We make our way around the side, where the mulch is plentiful and the lewisias line the beds.

The porch light is on as we trod lazily up steps identical to mine. I make it to the door, unlocking it with ease, taking the keys out and backing up enough so he can go inside, "There ya go... that'll be seventy five dollars, please."

He smiles and grabs the hem of his tank, bringing it up, wiping something from his face.

My eyes zero in on the quick flash of his abs and it doesn't go unnoticed.

He continues smiling at me, grazing his teeth over his lips while stepping into my space, reaching inside to turn the light off and making sure the bottom lock is unlocked.

When he pulls the door closed behind him, jiggling the lock again, just to be sure, intensity flares, so I back away and step off of the porch, making my way down the front steps.

"You're out of luck," he says and I turn to see him reaching into his pocket, pulling out a few bills, "I've only got fifty-five on me."

"I guess you'll just owe me then," I call over my shoulder. "Maybe I'll let you get my tab the next time I come to The Clubhouse."

"Is that right?" He laughs under his breath, looking to me, "Wait up... I'll walk you back."

I smile so high I can feel it in my cheeks as he jogs down the steps, looking better than any guy has a right to and I catch a glimpse of shiny steel and the back of a tire.

I walk towards the other side of the house, where his bike is tucked into the shade.

I sense him following behind and the hair on the back of my neck stands as he approaches.

"So, this is yours," I run my fingers down the length of the warm black leather and up to the handle bars.

"Custom... just for me," he toes the tire.

"You ever been on the back of a _real_ bike before?" He tilts his head, his jaw a straight line, lips so full and his stance, so manly.

"Aside from a few crotch rockets in my younger years, no." I give him a crooked smile, waiting for him to make fun, but he reaches in his pocket instead.

He pulls a key out, moving closer and asks, "Want me to be your first?" He smiles wide and I giggle at the innuendo, thinking if _I could turn back time_.

He steps to the other side and swings a leg over, grabbing the bars, kicking the stand and walking it back, into the drive.

"What... _now_?" I say quietly... feeling thrilled but at the same time, like _really_?

When he's got it where he wants it, he looks over to me.

His hat is pulled low again, and he's got one arm stretched out, holding on as the other rests on his black jeans that pour into his boots. The dog tags around his neck reflect the street light, and he's a model right now.

_He is straight out of the pages of a magazine._

He pulls me from my daze when he takes his hat off, nodding this way, "Hop on the back of this bike, girl."

As I walk to him, I notice that his hair has grown on top, just long enough to comb to the side. Shaved on the sides, in back and still short, but grown just enough to make the distinct part that's shaved high on the side.

It takes me a minute to get situated, and to trust that he'll hold us up and not let us spill over. He pulls his hat snug and finally grabs my hands from both sides of his back, "Listen girl, you've got to hold on if you're gonna ride with me," and wraps them tightly around him.

His obliques bulge and his abs feel warm and _god... they feel good_.

When he's got me locked tight, a loud rumble vibrates through my core and we move.

.

.

.

The streets are bare and there's nothing but yellow lines on pavement, the night air and the two of us, pealing through the wind.

The lightweight feeling of the ride is a thrill. The power of the bike roars beneath us and Briggs' strong muscles control each curve we take.

I think about how we must look, the picture of us riding through the early morning. Me with short shorts, no bra, a white tee and my hair swirling in the wind. Him, straight off the pages of an H&amp;M ad, and the two of us strapped to these two wheels without a soul in sight. I don't know if I'm more in love with the thought of it, or the reality.

When I feel his forearm cover where my hands meet, I bring my chest closer to his back.

A broad back, so wide across his shoulders, slimming towards his waist where I try to keep my hands just above... scared that I might touch his crotch. That would be a little too forward.

We ride and ride until the valley streets, lit up by posts, darken to the desert roads, where the hills are darker than the night and the light from the bike illuminates the stretch before us.

I have no worries and no thoughts aside from how nice this is and how beautiful I feel.

My hair trails behind me as we cut through the crisp desert air and I bring my nose a little closer, leaning in to where his neck is trimmed and I breathe in deep.

He's so kept. From head to toe, he's so tough but he's so damn manicured it's intimidating... he's prettier than I am.

His neck smells of a light cologne... not too musky or strong, just light and crisp, a tiny hint still there.

I rest my chin on his shoulder and fully relax into the ride.

He tilts his head a few minutes later as he slows, "You good?"

I tell him yes as we pull off at a boulder and he turns us around. I unlatch my fingers and place both of my palms flat against his chest, lightly holding... but taking this opportunity to feel him, now that I'm comfortable.

He's all strength and solid muscle, and I still feel beautiful behind him as we ride silently back home.

I drift off in a daze as we near town... fantasizing that he pulls onto a dark street, comes to a stop and cuts the engine as we sit in the darkness, in the middle of a quiet road with no lights.

He turns around, straddling the bike facing me, and reaches for my neck... bringing his lips closer to my own.

We reach Jess's house before my fantasy reaches its peak and he pulls back to the side of the house.

When his feet touch the ground and the rumble quiets, instantly, the reason to touch him is gone and I've got to keep my hands to myself now.

It felt so easy, touching him... him touching me.

Jess always talks about energy and spaces... how spaces feel, the energy people give off. Briggs is just easy. Easy on the eyes, easy on my nerves... he's just _easy_.

_Pretty much the opposite of Edward Cullen._

We don't say much... and not much is needed.

The night is calm and the mood is relaxed as we walk back and when I'm almost to the door he looks at his watch, "Shit, it's five o'clock, time got away from me, sorry."

I just stare at him, like... _go on_.

"Jess has talked about you for years, you know..." He twists his watch and I notice the tiny nose ring in his nostril for the first time. He just gets more enchanting with every glance. He continues, "Bella this, Bella that." He pokes my belly, "Now I can put a face with the name."

I giggle, "Yeah, I imagined Briggs to be much shorter, skinnier and less tattooed... but I can't say I'm disappointed," I twist my fingers together and sway side to side, feeling a tinge of awkwardness.

I'm not much of a game spitter. It's pretty clear that flirting isn't my forté so I break the ice, "And I'm pretty sure you got me pregnant on that ride, so."

"He laughs and lightly pinches my side, tickling me again and I fold, laughing.

He stands up straight and pulls his lid down low, where his pretty eyes are shadowed and all that's visible are his lips.

"Thanks for letting me in, I'll keep the key on me from now on."

"You're welcome," I open my door and go inside, turning when he speaks.

"Do me a favor before I go?"

I look back to him and he reaches to lightly graze his thumb over my chin, "Smile for me again?"

I smile bright, because how can I not. He's charming.

"Yeah," he licks his lips, "I'll sleep on that smile."

He turns and I'm a puddle of goo as I watch him walk back. His muscular back, his gorgeous biceps... how he walks with such confidence, his butt, the way he wears the hell out of the clothes he has on. How he walks... his swagger. My god.

Butterflies flutter as I lift the quilt, thinking about the fantasy and the almost kiss and I fold myself back into the couch, where Jess hasn't moved an inch and where I hope my dreams will pick up where my mind left off.

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Three days later

You know when you say something, and it's just... why _the fuck_ did I just say that.

This is that feeling.

Edward is at my door, staring at me like he does. Like he has no time for this and how I'm such a bother.

The sunlight blinds me when he moves and I cover my brows to see him.

I'm standing here with my wet hair in a towel, and I'm wearing a god awful puffy, purple terry cloth robe that mom passed down when I wouldn't quit using it.

"Thank you so much for bringing it to me." I'm still seeing black spots from the sun's blinding rays but I can make out half of his face.

He has an all professional serious look as he backs away, "No problem."

A tan colored Suburban arrives and I wonder where the bill is, so I yell out to him, "What about the bill? How much do I owe you?" He ignores me, walking toward his ride and within seconds he's in the passenger seat, and out of my driveway where he's just dropped off my car, which looks better now than it did before I wrecked it.

I close the door and head to the kitchen with regret. I shouldn't have even gone to the door.

Jess is working all day so Alice, Angela and their friend Rose have invited me over to hang out. A girl Rose knows is in town and having a party at her parents fancy beach house tonight. I told them I'd go along. Trying to meet new friends and all.

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A/N: Edward says he'll see you at the party.


	7. Chapter 8

Alice has offered to be our driver tonight, which is comforting, considering the whole rear-ending Edward Cullen incident. We're all headed to The Clubhouse to get started before we ride out to the coast.

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Huddled inside the walls of The Clubhouse, I follow behind Angela and we nestle into a booth in the back with Alice and Rose.

Rose is Angela's best friend and I've only met her once before today, but I already adore her.

Rose is unapologetically blunt and observant yet slightly oblivious at the same time. She's edgy... full of that punk vibe. Larger than life tall, and super feminine... Rose has long, dark silky brown hair that hangs in beachy waves with highlighted caramel and platinum strands mixed in.

Tonight, her blue eyes are heavily lined and shadowed in black. She looks effortlessly cool in her shredded Iron Maiden tank with a mini skirt and Vans.

I've decided that she's cooler than anyone I've ever known. Her shiny tanned legs go on for miles and her lustrous, nude lips turn me on and I'm not even the least bit bi. After two drinks at Alice's earlier, I'm already in rare form and I'm pretty much obsessed with her.

The first time I met Rose, I came into Alice's house, to find her in full-on conversation about how she couldn't believe her friend, Nicole, was dating a coke dealer.

She was sitting down in front of the coffee table and rummaging through her purse, pulling out a tiny plastic bag, saying, "Like, how low can you go, you know?"

Immediately after sharing her distaste of her friend dating this coke dealer guy, she sprinkled a neat little rail of white powder onto the table and sucked it straight up her nose without pausing... saying, "She can do so much better."

After cleaning the counter with her fingers and rubbing the remnants onto her teeth, she dropped the tiny white bag back into her purse and moved onto the next subject on her mind- parking meters and how disgusted she was with the ones on Bennington. She spilled out a non stop rant while I looked on.

"No backing in, no parking on Thursday from two to eleven, no parking Monday through Friday, five am to six am, two hour parking Monday through Friday, nine am to six pm. I mean, what the fuck? All of those signs, how do you even? It's like they put those signs there with hidden cameras strapped to them, just to make fun of you, sitting there in your car, pulling in and backing up with each sign you read further. Why don't they just post a sign that says walk, skate or bike to this motherfucker next time."

The irony of the situation amused me, but knowing Rose better now, I understand her. She doesn't do coke on the regular, at least not to my knowledge, and she has a lot of depth, despite my first impression. The best part about her though, is she is electric with life. She's fun.

Once the waitress with the smallest boobs brings us our drinks, I notice Briggs come through the silver door behind the bar. My heart flip flops in my chest with excitement as he walks to the guy sitting at the bar and bumps knuckles with him.

He's got this thing with black, white and one word on his shirts. Tonight he's wearing a white t-shirt with the word 'nope' written in large, black, lowercase letters.

Rose yells, "Whew! You comin' with us tonight?" and he looks our way with a small smile. She clenches the cherry between her white teeth as she pulls it from the stem, while looking at him, and a tiny pinch of jealousy mixed with disappointment bubbles up.

She tosses back her drink and calls the waitress back over, "Hey, candy lips," the waitress turns to her as she finishes up with the table next to us, "Can I get three shots of tequila and some lemons please?"

Angela blows a pink hair out of her eye, smiling and saying,"It's gonna be a long night," while resting back against the booth, tangling her fingers into Alice's.

Alice sips on her cherry coke, watching the three of us cheers and toss back tequila. We let the clear liquor fill us with fun while Rose shouts with an accent, "Arrrrrriba! Arrrrrriba!"

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About twenty minutes later, I decide my doubt that Briggs would want Rose over me, isn't going to hold me back.

Or maybe it's the alcohol making me brave, but either way, when I lock eyes with Briggs for the fourth time since we arrived, I excuse myself from our rowdy booth and make my way over to him.

He's standing against the bar, scrolling through his phone while the girls around him hustle to get drinks out.

He looks at me when I get closer, like he knew I was coming to him.

He smiles. I smile.

His hair is combed to one side and it's shiny. I like how it's grown.

"Where are you ladies headed when you leave here?" He pinches my side, eliciting a squeal from me.

He smiles with his teeth when he hears my giggle and I answer. "Some girl Rose knows is having a party, so we're headed out there."

His teeth are biting his bottom lip and he's still smiling when he replies, "Uh huh... and what are you doing afterwards?" He tugs me closer by my dress.

Looking up to him, I poke him in the stomach and say, "Coming back here to see you, of course." I break a soft flirty smile at him.

He nods his head, clearly pleased. He steps back from me, looking at my dress and I watch his hand as it moves closer to his crotch, and he grabs there and says, "It's the bike isn't it? You like my bike, don't you?" His hand trails back up to his belt, where he grabs and holds on and I'm nothing but turned on.

"It's definitely your bike." I nod and agree with him, looking down to where his hand just grabbed his crotch, with a serious look on my face. Dazed by how forward we've become.

"So I'll see you later then?" He's serious too now, but there's a tiny gleam of happiness in his eyes.

I hear my name being called from across the room and I see my three friends headed towards the door, waving me in their direction.

"You'll definitely see me later." I don't care how cheesy I look, I wink at him before I smile and he laughs in return.

He calls, "I'm holding you to that."

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The drive to the coast is fun as we sing together, with the music up loud, turning it down every other song to chat about stupid shit here and there.

When Rose points and directs us into a driveway blocked by two large gates, we pull to the code box and Rose hangs out the window punching in the numbers that she reads from a text she got earlier.

We weave our way up a steep drive and come to a large mansion on a cliff. A manicured lawn that's littered with tons of cars, sprawls out before the ginormous house.

We pull to the closest spot.

As we walk, Rose grabs my hand and I ogle the block shaped mansion made of champagne colored stucco. We come closer and I gawk at how enormous this house is. It's four stories tall and boasts wide geometrical shapes that give way to each portion of the home.

We make our way around, toward the lights and the sounds of people talking, laughing, yelling and we hear the music pumping.

My heels click on the stained and stamped cement path that leads us around the side of the house. Rose is so tall that even with her wearing flat vans and me in heels, we are the same height.

When we curve around the top of the hill and come to steps leading down, we can see that the party is in full swing.

With each careful step I take, clutching onto Rose, I ogle the beauty of the property.

Glass walls coat the back, revealing the white marble floors, large paintings, and huge floral arrangements placed throughout. Beyond the tall glass walls, shiny floors accent the pristine look of the inside, which is lit up on all levels with people moving in and out.

The pool is full of people floating with drinks in hand. One guy in the pool, stands wearing a bandana tied around his head with raybans framing his face. He holds onto a pretty brunette dangling in the center of a rubber ducky float, arms lobbed over each side of the duck face, splashing him playfully.

Girls are dressed in bikinis and cut out one-pieces, some with more on... short shorts, long tanks... some less- topless.

People huddle in groups and a few mingle in between.

We're welcomed with smiles, nods and hands on our shoulders.

Angela and Alice seem to know a few people, Rose happens to know everyone we pass, which is why it takes us a good while just to make it to the bar set up closest to the house.

I don't know a soul but the three I came with, so I just want a drink.

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We each bang out two tequila shots while Alice looks on, wishing she didn't agree to drive us the one hour stretch back home.

The liquor burns it's way down as the chills spread from the yummy warmth. A steady breeze blows and the music is up loud, as well as all the voices around. Multiple conversations carry on all around us. Guys notice us from across the pool and two of them are headed this way.

The beats vibrate through my chest and I smile at Angela. She's got Alice snuggled up to her, hugging her from behind, laying a kiss on her temple. Rose grabs my hand and we spin, dancing free.

I haven't had this much fun in months.

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I've been having fun talking to this guy they call Sake. He's kind of short and skinny with longer, shiny, black hair. When I ask him if they call him that because he's Japanese, he looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me no, "It's because my last name is Shibasaki." Relief floods over me as he smiles and I'm glad I haven't offended him with my dumbass question, because I was right, he's clearly Japanese.

A few beers later, I break from the girls and guys to find a restroom.

Inside, just like outside, the house is extravagant. Not like the homes I'm used to, but certainly typical for the SoCal coast.

I walk the halls and try to imagine what it must be like, to grow up like this. Overlooking paradise, not worrying about money, or bills. I wonder about the people who live here. What it's like to be them.

A nice girl directs me down the hall and to the left when I ask where the restroom is.

I pass the large paintings and admire each one.

When I reach the restroom, someone comes out as I'm about to grab the handle to go in.

His eyes land on me and he speaks.

"The f..." He looks both surprised and disappointed.

His hand goes up, running fingers through his wild hair.

He's dressed much more casually than I'm used to seeing him. A Stoli Vodka shirt and swim trunks... not something I would've pictured him in, but he looks good.

To say I'm shocked would be a lie. I always "run into" him when I least expect it.

He eyes the drink in my hand, grabbing it from my hands and taking a big gulp. Looking back down to me after tipping my drink back, "You drive here?"

"No." I reply immediately, with zero emotion.

I study his lips as he talks.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came with friends." Again, I reply with no hesitation. I'm not going to let him get to me this time.

"Whatever. Don't drink out of cups here. In fact, don't drink at all here."

"What are you talking about?" I look at him like he's crazy.

"You don't know the types of guys that are here. Just..." He looks behind me and in the other direction. He shakes his head and gives me a crooked smile before hatefully saying, "You really shouldn't be here."

"Okay, mom... thanks," I say sarcastically while rolling my eyes.

I'm sick of Edward Cullen's shit.

"And give me my drink back." I scowl at him, grabbing at my cup.

He's unbothered by my attempts to retrieve the cup in his hands as he drinks the rest of its contents in two long gulps. After a long breath, he hands me the empty cup, before turning and walking away.

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When I get back downstairs I'm not even tipsy anymore, just pissed off, so I don't even look for Rose or Alice. I go straight to the bar.

The bartender in the purple hat sets out three shots of vodka and I toss them back, one right after the other, asking for a whisky sour with two cherries when I've set the last shot glass on the wooden bar.

A few minutes pass and I don't move, I stay snuggled up to the bar and try to get lost in the warm, tickly feeling tingling through my arms. I love the sound of the music as I wrap my hand around the drink full of icy cold cubes and brown liquid, bringing it to my lips.

A tug from behind sends me a little off balance. The shots have set in and I feel a tiny release from the anger as it starts to loosely uncoil... making me feel a little more light. Rose laughs and grabs me when I fall into her, asking the bartender for another Stella and I hug into her side... laughing at myself with her.

We must really be a sight right now. I just hope I don't break an ankle tonight.

As Rose leads me over to Alice, Angela and a big group of people, we walk hand in hand, holding our drinks. We step over to the stone wall that lines the jacuzzi overlooking the ocean.

I look over the large mass of moving water beyond us and notice it's as black as the night. I feel the music pump through me as I eye the group of people beside our two friends -guys and girls our age both sit and stand along the wall. Girls sitting in guys laps, guys standing with their hats on backwards... some with their hands on girls, some with their hands on guys. One guy, in particular, catches my eye as we come closer.

He's sitting on the wall in the middle of all the people, with a girl nestled in his lap. Her back is to me, but I can see all of him. His wild hair, his watch, where it rests on her knee. When he looks at me, standing here, not hearing a word Rose is saying to me, our eyes lock and the atmosphere around me goes silent.

Edward grabs the girl nestled in his lap by her chin and brings her mouth to his as he stares at me. I stare back at him because I'm already drunk and either A, don't give a fuck that I'm staring, or B, I can't hear all the common sense signals that my brain is sending me right now. Like, look away you idiot, for starters.

His eyes pierce me as he lightly presses his lips to hers, eyes turned to me. He continues softly laying his lips over hers before taking the kiss deeper, never looking anywhere but at me.

He continues this torturous display and I watch as his tongue slides into her mouth, moving slowly against hers. His eyes still on mine, a pang of need drills it's way to the surface.

He breaks from her mouth to look at her neck, but not without glancing at me first. When he's sure that my eyes haven't moved, he tilts her head back a little and he smiles at me before softly sinking his teeth into her neck, pulling up on her skin just the slightest bit.

Something about the way he's just kissed her and how he grabbed her skin with his teeth, and how he lays his tongue flat on her throat, licking a line, from her throat to her chin, while staring right into me, is so intense that I clench my legs together and my fingers go numb... my drink crashing to the ground in return.

No one notices, except for Edward and Rose, as she looks to the ground where it splatters.

His wicked smile reveals that he's accomplished what he wanted. Toyed with me like he always does. This little game he plays with me is confusing to say the least and I just keep letting him. He's taunted me in a way I've never experienced. And even though this hasn't happened to me before, I know exactly what it is. And only operation get-a-boyfriend is going to remedy this weird thing I have with the guy that drives like a maniac, has wild hair, apple butter eyes, the most confusing and arousing disposition, and a girl on his lap.

I kick my cup to the side and wiggle my fingers at Edward, giving him a playful smile and wave before turning to leave. I pull Rose along with me and thankfully Ali and Ang follow.

Hands grab our asses as we pass each group and I don't give a shit, but Rose clearly gives a shit for me, because she wastes no time shoving the guys as we pass and not hesitating to deck one of them in the nose.

On the ride back to the Clubhouse, Rose immediately brings up the fact that Edward Cullen was blatantly staring at me while kissing his girlfriend.

"That was his girlfriend?" I don't even know why I ask this, because now it makes so much sense.

Rose fills me in that the girl on Edward's lap was not only his girlfriend, but her parents own the house we just left.

What are the chances that I would end up at Edward fucking Cullen's girlfriend's house tonight? Please, universe, can you give me a heads up from now on?

Alice turns the music down when we stop to let Rose grab a six pack. When she gets back in, she hands me and Angela a beer and we all clink bottles before taking long gulps.

I can't help but be turned on by the image of Edward's lips on that girl's mouth. How he kissed her so sexually, while looking at me. And that thing he did to her neck? Biting her there? I hate to admit that I want him to do that to me. I wanted to be the girl in his lap tonight. He makes me mad, he excites me, confuses me, and most of all, he turns me on. And on and on.

And he knows it.

With each minute that passes, the alcohol makes me feel better and better but the images of Edward's lips, tongue and teeth get louder and louder. I'm wound so tight and I'm hornier than I've ever been in my life.

When my beer is almost gone, Rose turns to me, "Show me how you kiss."

"What?" I ask over the music.

She leans in closer, smiling, speaking louder, "Come on, don't be a pussy, I don't even like girls. We're just having fun." She reaches for my face and pulls me into her, "Let's see what you've got."

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A few songs later, I'm not sloppy drunk, but I can't stop laughing and I might have already made out with Rose twice on the drive.

It's nothing sexual. We're both just having fun... being drunk, in the backseat, teasing the two real girlfriends that are in the front.

Alice keeps looking in the rear-view mirror, smiling and rolling her eyes at us.

The thought of Edward kissing his girl, while staring at me, coupled with all the booze has me so horny that I'd probably have sex with anyone right now, but the thought of grabbing Briggs by the jeans and dragging him anywhere private has taken over.

As we get closer, I click the light over Rose and and pull out my compact to check my face. Aside from a little smudge, and no lip gloss left, I'm good, at least my drunk self thinks so. I swipe some gloss on my lips and think about what it will feel like to have Briggs kiss it right back off.

The only obstacle I can foresee tonight is how long it's gonna take me to hike this dress up the minute I see him.

The tall sign that lights up the black letters spelling out, THE CLUBHOUSE, comes into view and I'm literally crawling with excitement, anticipation and at this point, I'm just hoping I don't rape anyone.


	8. Chapter 9

Once we're inside, we settle down a little, no longer acting like drunken crazed, college freshmen but more like tipsy, sophisticated women. It's a weird thing that happens... we go from being completely ridiculous, to acting like we have class within minutes.

We sashay up to the bar where I'm introduced to Chaz, Embry, Quil and Seth.

Alice has become bored with our drunkenness and our agreed upon man hunt, so she's bailed to help behind the bar. Angela goes with her.

Briggs is nowhere in sight.

At this point, anyone will do, but it looks like I might be going home with Rose tonight, if Briggs doesn't show up soon.

Or _him_.

A zing of thrill sweeps through me as Jake bangs through the silver door, bumping shoulders with Chaz and heading to the corner to speak with a man sitting at the bar.

Rose and I are in stools, knee to knee and she sees where my eyes are.

I can't help but stare.

He's gorgeous.

He turns and meets fists with Embry and they exchange a quick conversation as I take inventory of his clothes.

Black jeans. Ripped and distressed short sleeved white t-shirt. Black boots. Silver dog tags, identical to the ones Briggs wears, hang low around his neck. Caramel skin. Glowing hazel eyes... that look my way.

This. Is. It.

"Hey cowboy!" Rose catcalls to him as he walks this way. He smirks like this is completely normal... Rose, yelling out to him.

He strides up to the bar where we are. His jet black hair looks freshly cut and glistening, his eyes gleam and his teeth are whiter than the white tee he's wearing. Two deep dimples on either side of his smile draw me in to him. He's perfect. His smile is wide, showing his stark white teeth, surrounded by gorgeous lips. His dimples make him hard to resist... giving him a babyface yet, the face of a man at the same time.

It's hard to believe that this trashy old barn houses two of the most beautiful men I've ever laid eyes on. Which makes me think of Edward, and how his beauty is the same but so different. How he would be totally out of place here.

How he's such an asshole

_How he turned me on tonight. _

The need to be touched grows stronger and stronger as the images of Edward's tongue and teeth, on her skin, flicker through my mind.

Jacob's eyes are wild when he finishes speaking to Rose and looks to me. "What are you two birds gettin' into tonight?"

"What are we _not_ getting into is the question." Rose spits out before I can speak.

Jacob completely ignores her, staring at me. "You came back..." He wipes his hand on his jeans before holding it out to me. "Jake Black," I place my hand in his. He grabs ahold, bending to kiss my fingers while keeping his eyes on me.

My smile grows wide, my need for sex stronger.

Even with this beautiful man in front of me, holding onto my hand, I have somewhat of a radar, still out, scanning for Briggs... whom there's still no sign of.

"I'm Bella."

"Yes. Yes you are." He walks around to the other side where there isn't a bar separating us.

I get Alice's attention and mouth the word 'water' to her when I realize it's definitely time to cut myself off. The thought of getting off of the barstool and walking in these heels is a little iffy at this point.

Quil has sidled up next to Rose. She seems to be a regular here, they all know her by name, and she, them.

He's got his arm wrapped around her, his fingers caressing her shoulder, touching mine in return.

I don't feel danger here. I feel comfort, fun and thrill. And when Jake comes closer and I smell his cologne, I feel arousal. Wild. Strong. Need.

He leans against the bar next to me, eyes only on me, not worried about anything happening around us. So focused. All attentive.

He speaks into my ear, "So, now that we have names out of the way, I owe you drinks."

From the other side of the bar, Alice slides a bottled water my way and I smirk grabbing for it, holding it up, letting him know I'm cut off for the night.

"Well, that's no fun... maybe we should just skip right to the making out part then." He smiles, blinking softly, looking straight at me. It makes me laugh but at the same time, I just want to kiss him. He's so close, leaning against the bar, leaning into me.

He's sure in his confidence. No games... he's making it clear that he wants me, when he grabs my hand again and starts talking, while caressing my fingers.

"So, tell me about Bella." His eyebrows go up in curiosity as he leans in. I look at his collar and clench. The tarnished silver necklace that lays against his bronze skin gives way to the dog tags that lay flat against his chiseled chest. I can see the outline of his pecs and I catch the movement of the muscles in his arms each time he moves my hand closer to him.

He's holding my hands against his chest, softly rubbing my fingers, getting closer to my face with every word I spill, which at this point, I don't even know if either one of us are paying attention to any of the words we exchange over the next five minutes.

When the sounds of our words blur into the sex and static in the air, we no longer speak in words... we're speaking in bodies as he comes so close that I can feel his breath on my skin.

I'm on fire.

My hands do what they want and my fingers lay flat on his chest, his hands holding me to him. "Come with me," He speaks with lips touching my ear. "I wanna show you something."

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Once we pass through the silver door behind the bar, we walk through the large open warehouse... a set of free weights to my left, the pull up bar I first saw Briggs on in the center. The large room closes to a hallway that we enter hand in hand, me following closely behind him.

He walks me through the compound, pointing out different rooms, telling me who normally stays in them... I actually pay attention to maybe fifteen percent if what he says, distracted by his golden defined triceps as he pulls me along behind him. With each word he looks back to me smiling, with his gorgeous eyes, and his strong hand in mine. We pass through a doorway and he leads me into the last room on left.

Once we're both inside, the light of a computer screen on the desk is just enough that we can see. He doesn't even close the door all the way, but leaves it cracked and before I can speak, his lips are on mine and we're moving backwards. My hands reach around him and come to rest on what feels like a gun strapped into his belt, where he reaches, pulling it out, setting it on the shelf we pass. We come to a stop, where my back is pressed against the wall.

This hot, wet kiss feels good.

I feel wanted, with his hands all over me, rubbing up my thighs, his hot mouth on my neck, my collarbone, he's everywhere and I let him be.

It's been months since I've even been touched this way and to say that I need it now, _more than ever,_ is an understatement. I can feel a building ache between my thighs and with every touch of his tongue to my neck, it increases.

His heavy breaths are growing more desperate as our hipbones meet and he pulls my leg up, to rest high on his side. When he presses where I need him most, I lose all of my faculties and am led by need and passion alone.

Once I've got his shirt off and we've stopped kissing just long enough to get it off of him, we clash back together with raging passion. I reach between us as his tongue touches mine and unclasp his belt. His hands find my neck, and he steps back just enough to help me get him loose.

Once he springs free, I stroke his hard length and I can barely wait to get him inside. I ache to fill this unstoppable need.

It's merely seconds before my panties are pulled to the side and my heel lifts off the ground with the long, hard thrust he presses into me.

My dress pulls against my shoulders as I'm pressed to the wall and sliding up and down in long, slow strokes. Each thrust brings me closer to the key that unlocks the door that will spill all of this built up tension, anger, pain and desperation to feel anything anymore. I need this release more than anything.

He's got me stretched and full, sliding along his length, threatening to break me apart with every move he makes. Changing his rhythm from torturous long strokes that lift me, to small fast pumps that make me want for more. The clinks of his dog tags against his bare chest and our desperate kisses are the only sounds in this room.

He can tell it's the long hard ones... when he fills me to the hilt and lifts me off the ground, that get me there, but he won't give it all to me yet.

When I hear a motorcycle rumbling outside, buttons are popping, my dress is sliding over my head, my bra springs free, and we're both naked, aside from his jeans and boots, and my panties pulled to the side.

He drops to his knees, before I can keep him pressed deep, right where I need him. He doesn't take his time but bites one side, while tearing the other, my panties ripping, falling to the ground.

His eyes are animalistic in the blue glowing light, a gleam shines brightly through them as he stares at me from below. He wastes no time lifting my heel over his shoulder and spreading me open for his mouth.

A slow torture at first, he lightly teases me with his tongue... just enough pressure to get me moving my hips. When he senses the time is right, he holds my hips close and goes in for the kill.

My naked body is in heaven as I stand propped against the wall, one foot on the ground, one leg dangling over his shoulder, my pussy in his mouth.

This is what life is all about.

Girls get what they want, boys get what they can... and this one can have it _all_.

When my legs stop shaking he rises and picks me up, walking me over to a paper covered desk, laying me on my back, where the light on the screen bathes my body. He wipes my wet all around himself until he glistens and plunges right back in, sending me over for the second time.

This is what I've needed all along. This is my answer for everything, the numb I've been looking for. No thoughts of guilt over not spending enough time with Charlie, no thoughts about what I'm going to do with my life now, no pain, no sadness, no stress, just pleasure... just sex. And damn good sex at that.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" His breath isn't short, he doesn't sound like he's been working hard at this at all. He's in good shape.

I look into his hazel eyes and glance at his muscular shoulders, telling him that I think he's beautiful too. He slows the pace, kissing me gently, and his soft lips feel nice on mine.

I slowly start to notice a tiny voice of pain speaking lightly deep down inside. I don't want to hear her, I don't want to talk, I just want mindless sex, so I grab his butt and push him into me, telling him, "Harder now," and he obeys.

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When I wake the next morning, my first thought is how good these butterflies in my tummy truly feel. It's been awhile, you know? Such a new, but not new feeling, and it's so welcome.

I think about how different it would be if it had been Briggs that walked into that bar when we got back instead of Jake, and that too, piques my interest. I think about how different they are but wonder how similar they might be in bed, before I drift back off to sleep.

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Later that afternoon, after I've recovered from one of the worst hangovers I've had, Jess and I are sitting on the steps of her front porch when Briggs pulls to his normal position, on the side.

He blatantly ignores me when I say hello and opts for tussling the hair on top of Jess's head when he walks between us, up the steps and through the front door, slamming it behind him.

"What's his problem?" I look at her with a sour face.

She twists her hands, "I dunno. Something must've happened at the club last night, because he came home around two this morning, stormed inside to grab something and didn't even speak to me when he turned to go right back out. This is the first I've seen him since." She picks up a leaf and turns it over. "I'm so ready for him to just find a new job, new friends, a new life." She looks at me dead serious.

I put my head on her shoulder. "I know you worry about him, Jess. He's a big boy though. He'll be fine... he'll figure it out."

I can't help but think about him, myself, though. It stings that he didn't speak to me. It stings more than it should.

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**A/N: ****For those of you that have asked, yes... this is a Bella/Edward story. I must warn you though... this is also a Bella/Jake as well as a Bella/Briggs story... they will not all be together at the same time EVER. ****Thank you so much to all who review and to all who have given this story a chance and kept reading despite its nature. You guys are rad. I appreciate, hold dear and read every word of every review. See you guys soon... we're almost back to the prologue and from there it gets real.**


	9. Chapter 10

**BRIGGS POV:**

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I get back to my bike just minutes after parking and tuck my tags deep inside my shirt, riding back out through the gravel lot, onto the dark road.

On the ride to Jess's I push the bike just over sixty, carving through the wind, pressing out my frustrations, getting faster and faster through each curve to straight way... thoughts racing.

Bella in the backyard, on the back of my bike, in that dress.

Images roll through my mind, flashing forward to the images of her against that wall just seconds ago and it turns me inside out.

Before now, I'd thought it was soon enough to save her.

What she's done now, is just dug herself deeper into a hole that I can't get her out of.

He's claimed her now, and he'll ruin her in the end.

I'm not gonna get all salty about it, though.

We weren't together.

Were we headed there? Not by a long shot, but by our last conversation, we were headed for something.

I know she means a lot to Jess too, another reason why I had intended to get her out of there the minute she came back. Keep her from coming back there and find a way to get across to her that The Clubhouse isn't the safest place for her. Unfortunately, I had business instead.

The call-outs have been non-stop lately with the fire all around now. So, I stepped up, I had a job to do.

Guess it's just as much my fault.

I knew she was drinking. I knew what she would be coming back to. I took the chance.

But, I also know what it's like to be intoxicated and need a warm body... I get all that. It's not always love. It's not always even like. Sometimes, it's just sex.

But if I know Jake, he won't stop there. She's different. If he paid the least bit of attention, he picked up on that too. He won't let her go so easy. And I can't blame him. Neither would I.

There's a part of me that wants to give her the benefit of the doubt. The doubt being, she's naive as fuck by even hanging around a place like that, and alcohol. Put those two together and bad decisions are the most likely outcome.

There's another part of me that wants to grab her by the arms and tell her how stupid she's being. How she's fucked it all up now. For me anyway.

I can't touch her now. She's off limits.

I could've kept her safe.

If she stays with him after tonight, she'll be anything but.

Am I hatin'? I toss that thought aside. I'm a realist.

I know Jake and how naive he can be when it comes to the girls. He has this idea that he can keep them all safe.

There is no safe where this crew is concerned.

I slow down as I think of all the ways that I could keep her safe.

When I reach the drive, I pull to the side, get in, and get out, before heading to the gym. I could press out dead lifts all night long.

I just hope she's not still at The Clubhouse when I get back. I don't even want to look at her right now... especially not with him.

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The next day when I get home, she's sitting on the steps with Jess. And fuck. She looks cute.

Her tired eyes brighten when I approach and she tells me hi.

I want to tell her hi back, but something in me, maybe the abandoned sixteen year old, doesn't want to give that to her. So I ignore them both and tap Jess's head on my way by instead.

_Shit_.

I'm being ridiculous.

Pissed at myself, I slam the door and head upstairs... hoping I can sleep.

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**A/N: Thank you. Next pov tomorrow :0)**


	10. Chapter 11

**Jake POV: This picks up the morning after he and Bella had an "office meeting"**

* * *

With all the heat lately, we haven't been sleeping at The Clubhouse, but last night, we all crashed here so that we can get to business first thing this morning.

Around the table we all sit, tired as fuck, sick of this heat, and sick of constantly looking over our shoulders. Briggs sits to my right, Chaz on my left and across the table, Seth, Embry, and Quil are pulling up chairs. I rub my eyes and start in my normal fashion.

"Pete got pinched around three am," I point across the table and continue, "I'm gonna need you three to handle that."

"What are we gonna do about Salizar?" Briggs asks.

"I'm still workin' on that. I've got eyes and ears out for right now, we'll get together later tonight or tomorrow on that one." Briggs looks uneasy about leaving Sal free to roam but I can't make any moves until I know for sure that we won't be tailed.

We go over the most important tasks, the ones that need immediate attention and when most of the heavy issues are covered I wave the three across the table off.

"See you guys back here later, let me know how it goes."

Once the door is closed behind them, me, Chaz and Briggs go over the situation with Chavez and the delivery up coast this afternoon.

After we've done a walk through of the events, Briggs speaks up in his normal fashion, "I got this," offering to handle the drop off.

When shit gets heavy and the heat is at it's highest temp, Briggs is always the one to step up.

"Alright," I slap my hand flat to the table,"Briggs is set for the drop off around one, Chaz is handling the books and I'll be putting Chavez on the pad tonight. Let's break."

We separate, each of us off to our duties, and I hang back to take care of some stuff around the bar.

I think about Bella for a minute, and I want to kick myself for letting her leave without getting her number. She took me by surprise last night, sitting at that bar, being beautiful. There's a familiarity about her that I can't quite place.

As I make my way out of the room, I make a mental note to get in touch with Alice about her.

I walk the long hall through the compound, passing through the warehouse and into the front.

Today is no different than any other day at The Clubhouse, except the heat. This new lady Sheriff is trying to rack my balls any way she can, so we've had to change things around a bit, but other than that… business as usual.

When I press my fist to the door it swings open, and I see Ginger and Katie are handling the bar. It looks like they've got everything ready.

I take the bag of cash and coins to Ginger to put in the register and the door opens.

_Right on time. _

"Look what the cash dragged in," Ginger speaks, cutting a jealous eye at the girl coming in the door and continues stocking the beers.

Katie looks up, but goes right back to inventory.

The least of my worries are the bullshit cat fights that go on around here all day long with the girls. There's this pecking order they establish among themselves and though it's unspoken to all of them and to us as well… it's crystal clear who's at the top and who's at the bottom.

I've never laid a hand, much less my mouth on any of my girls, but if I were to go that route, it would be with Irena.

She's just come in to get her check and she looks nice, wrapped in a skin tight dress. It shows off her cleavage, and her long legs. Her lips are a deep red and her shiny blonde hair is so platinum it almost shines silver, she looks good.

Irena's my best girl. Mainly because I can count on her the most. When it comes to the real work, she always steps up. She doesn't ask questions and she doesn't need constant reassurance that she's doing a good job. She just gets the job done. Even after the bust the other week, she still shows up, ready to work.

I walk over to the booth and tell her hello, placing a kiss on her cheek, a nice smile on my face. I let my neck linger next to hers as I kiss her other cheek. She's never been shy about being attracted to me… never failing to mention she likes the way I smell.

I like the way she smells too. Irena's always well manicured, never misses a beat when it comes to keeping herself in check. Makes me think about Bella.

I reach an arm up to her, bringing my knuckle to her cheek, stroking lightly down one side. "Rena... you kill me." She looks like a modern day Marilyn Monroe, porcelain skin, not too skinny, not too thick. Pretty brown eyes and nice full lips.

"Hello, lover." She smiles wide.

I turn from her, calling to Ginger, "Give me something dry, something cold, with two olives," as I direct her to the booth in the corner and slide in beside her.

I like to make her feel important, treat her like she's the best of them. Because she is.

"Listen, Rena…" I lean in to her, so close I can see she's got fake lashes on. She looks so much better without them.

"I'm gonna need you tonight."

She smiles like the devil, cutting her eyes at me. "I've waited on you to say that my whole life."

Katie approaches with the drink, placing it in front of me and I slide it to Rena.

While she sips, I talk. And once her expressions show that she understands what I'm asking of her is serious... she looks hesitant. But I reiterate how much need her tonight, before I let her tell me no.

She listens as I quietly continue and after I go over the details with her, she agrees and I feel instant relief. I can always count on her.

She leaves with an unsure air about her, not the happy woman she came in, and I take that in and sit on it, feeling guilty for what I'm asking of her, but I have no other choice.

If this works, she'll be safe, and we will too. The threat will be out of our way and we can continue business as usual.

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Hours later, sweat beads as I stand outside the hotel room Irena entered fifteen minutes ago.

I might be walking into my own demise or worse— getting Rena killed, but this has to be done.

I slide the key in and out hearing the electronic turn of the lock, my signal to enter.

The tiny green light is followed by a thin yellow line of light that pierces through the dark hotel room, as I enter and click the door closed behind me.

I can hear deep breathing and gasps as I round the wall. A small giggle. Some kissing.

He's undressed on the bed, nothing but boxers. She's on top of him, straddling his thighs with her shirt off, thongs, hair dangling over his face, talking lightly to him.

She begins kissing him down his chest and I step quietly closer.

His badge lays on the nightstand beside and I see the scar on his forearm, confirming it's him.

I slowly inch closer.

He's got his hands on her head now, his head tilted back, eyes closed, breathing deep, trying to remain still and when she's got him in her mouth, I make my move.

Walking quietly to the bedside, his eyes are closed, head back... he's enjoying the feel of her lips.

I place the loaded .45 deep into his open mouth, shoving it in his throat. When his eyes come alive, he knows not to move— not to even try to speak around the cold steel in his mouth.

I gesture for Rena to get gone.

When she's out of the room and safely away, I speak.

"You call all this heat off or your wife is gonna get it," I give the gun a shove and continue, "and your precious fucking career will be down the drain, you hear me?" I apply more pressure as his eyes water, his face turns red and he makes choking sounds.

"You think I don't see you keeping a tail on us? You think I didn't know that was you in the fucking parking lot the other day?"

I lift my knee pressing my shoe into his crotch and he makes a guttural sound.

"When you get back to the Valley you're going to tell that fucking Sheriff that you saw nothing and you report back to me from now on. Got it? You work for me now."

"What's that?" I put my other hand to my ear while keeping the pressure on. "I didn't hear you."

He struggles to remain still, eyes pleading. Hands in the surrender position.

"You keep the heat off of us, I'll keep money in your pocket. You fail, your wife sees these pictures and your whole department will hear the recording."

I pull my phone, flashing a picture I took of them in the hotel lobby. Rena kissing him, him holding onto her ass.

"And I'd hate to think that anything could happen to that daughter of yours after she leaves that little school she goes to. Where is that again? The one on Saint James street? A pretty little doll like that? Would be a shame."

His eyes get even bigger as he looks at me.

"No funny shit, do what you're told, your family stays alive, and you get paid. Got it?" I pull the gun from his mouth.

Eyes watering, he complies.

Just like I knew he would.

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When I get back to The Clubhouse, I see Katie and Alice behind the bar.

Alice fills me in that Katie called her when Ginger cut out early...thank fuck Alice was happy to help. I think about how glad I am to be related to her while I walk back to my office.

When I flip the light on, the scattered papers on my desk remind me of last night. Having Bella right here, like that... not only a surprise, but a nice break from the tension. The stress. The worry of constantly watching over my shoulder.

Now that business is finished until later, I just want to see her again. So, I head back up to the front and ask Alice to call her.

**A/N: A little insight into Jake Black and his world :0) Thank you so so much for every review. I cherish every word. Bella POV tomorrow :0)**


	11. Chapter 12

**BELLA POV**

On the walk back to my house from Jess's, I think back to leaving The Clubhouse last night. When I left, there was still no sign of Briggs.

Now that Jess says Briggs didn't come home last night, it makes me wonder if he's taken. Did he sleep at his girlfriend's place last night? Maybe he feels guilty about us talking like we did and that's why he won't even look at me. Even if he is taken, it changes absolutely nothing on my end.

With the combination of alcohol, Jake's seduction and my infatuation with him, everything got all switched up at the last minute. I had planned to see Briggs again, not Jake… and even though I'm glad that I did see Jake, I _still_ want to see what Briggs is all about.

I don't regret what I've done with Jake by any means, I mean, I plan to live in the moment and be in the moment as much as possible now that Charlie is gone.

Life is so short, too short, to _not_ be reckless. Life is too precious to waste one single second saying no to your wants, desires or needs. I vowed a few weeks ago that I wouldn't say no anymore. I won't be that girl anymore. I refuse to live by a set of rules placed by a society that doesn't even know me. Who's to say what's right and what's wrong? What's wrong for one, might be right for another and so on. We aren't a blanket people, I refuse to conform to a blanket set of guidelines.

I will live how I choose... to my liking and fuck if I'll feel any kind of anything I don't want to feel.

I just wish I could turn the sadness off when it creeps in. That ten minutes of numb I felt last night was heaven. The sex quieted all of it. Took me away. It didn't diminish it, but it sure did put a buffer on the pain. And I already crave that feeling again.

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When the sun goes down, Alice calls me. She's back at The Clubhouse, helping the boys out and when she puts Jake on the phone, I stutter.

"Did you forget something last night?" His voice is deep and smooth.

I recognize him immediately and my tummy flips. I love the sound of his voice over the phone. A voice so similar to Josh Hartnett, that he could pass as a voiceover. Smooth, buttery tones.

I slide down into the sofa and smile.

"H… Hey." I hope he can hear my smile through the phone.

"You got outta here so quick last night that I didn't even get your number."

"Yeah... last night." I say timidly, remembering his mouth on me.

"What're you doing right now?"

"I'm just watching tv, hanging out... keeping it low key." I pull a loose thread on my jeans free, still grinning ear to ear.

"Last night shouldn't have ended. Come see me."

He's so forward. Right to the point. I'm not used to it. But I like it, it feels good to be wanted.

"I don't know. I'm pretty busy," I tease in a sing song voice.

"Alice will tell me where you live, so either you get your pretty ass back up here, or I'll be there within twenty minutes."

"Easy. Easy... okay," I laugh lightly, "I'll be there soon."

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Operation get-a-boyfriend-to-make-Edward-jealous got off to a quick start.

While I'm happy about it all, something deep down whispers that I'm jumping into something I'm not quite ready for. But again, living in the moment and all.

At any rate, isn't this what I've always wanted?

Countless daydreams have played out in my head exactly this way. I meet back up with him, we come together in heated passion and Jake declares how I'm the love of his life and he's missed me every day that I've been gone.

And though the last part hasn't happened, I honestly never believed the first part would.

I waste no time digging through my closet, trying to find something a little sexier to wear.

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"So let's hear it... what's your story, angel?" He grabs the toothpick, putting it in the corner of his mouth, eyes sparkling over at me.

"For starters, I'm not very interesting." I take a sip of my coke and continue, while he touches a finger to my knee… softly caressing as I speak. I wonder for a moment if he's even listening.

"I'm twenty-two, grew up here, moved to Arizona with my mom when I was nine, dad died, so I moved back." His finger stops moving and he takes the toothpick out of his mouth. I continue,"So, I inherited his house, his things, and now I'm sitting here, talking to you."

"Wait, what's your last name?" He looks at me with true concern.

"Swan."

"You're _Charlie Swan's_, Bella Swan?"

I nod, waiting to hear what he has to say... does he remember me now?

He tucks my fingers in his, bending his head, turning my hand over, and places a soft kiss on my wrist. His eyes come back to mine and he looks sincerely sorry.

He rises and continues, "I knew Charlie really well. Very close to him. Hell, I'm still processing it. It was a shock and a huge loss for all of us."

My face must reflect the melancholy mood that takes me over because he comes close, pulling my stool to his, and wraps his arm around me. It's still too soon you know? Just hearing Charlie's name still gives me a frog in my throat. It's the memories of him through other's eyes that stab me right in the chest. Those are the hardest to hear. I just miss him.

Immediately I block this feeling, this pain coming through. I just want to be normal. Not crying anytime someone drops a word. And though I feel open, exposed and vulnerable and this is really the last thing I want to talk about right now, I'll talk about anything with him. I mean, I've dreamed about this day for years now.

"Charlie was such a good man. Good person. He really looked out for all of us here. We carry the utmost respect for that man."

"Thank you" I tuck my hair behind my ear and continue, "I appreciate it. I miss him."

He pulls me closer and I study him. His beautiful tanned complexion and thick dark lashes. The stark whites of his eyes meet the brown edges that burst into gold rays, giving way to the most beautiful shade of mint that pools around, and bleeds to the outer edges, making intricate patterns of color. Truly exotic.

I hear what he's saying but his eyes distract me as he goes on.

He speaks quietly, "You know, I couldn't even make it to the funeral," He takes a sip of water and continues, "My dad and I ran into some trouble the night after Charlie died," He looks over his shoulder to the bar but continues, "So we were locked up until two days after the funeral."

He wipes his hand over his hair, tucking the toothpick back in the corner of his mouth, telling me what's on his mind, like I'm not a stranger, but someone he's known all along, "Shit's been crazy here since he died." He leans forward rubbing his hands on his knees. I can tell this subject really bothers him.

"Heat on our backs left and right. No shelter. Charlie would've never let this stuff go on." He turns back to me, bringing his arm up, tucking my hair behind my shoulder, rubbing my neck softly as he continues,"This new Sheriff… she's fucking crazy and she's got it out for all of us. It's one thing after another lately."

What I hear isn't surprising. I've heard stories for years about the type of guy Jake is, so it doesn't really concern me. Maybe I've just become accustomed to the idea of this bad boy that he is. Maybe I just like bad boys in general.

"But enough about me… let's hear more about you." He smiles bright at me, rubbing the back of my neck and I glow. I like how freely he touches me, like we've been this way for years.

I welcome the change of subject even if I dislike bringing attention to myself. "I'm not really that interesting. I have no life goals, aside from fun, happiness and health." I peek at him, shaking my head, like I have nothing more but I continue, " I know like ten people in this town," He holds his hand up, and I correct myself, "Okay, eleven." We both smile.

He puts both of my hands in his. "So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that after last night, you're single?"

I blush at the mention of last night and agree with him. "I'm completely single."

"We can't have that." He shakes his head, "Nah... you should be mine." He's smiling wide, putting on the charm, enjoying this. His teeth clench down on the toothpick, moving it up and down.

"I don't mind it, being young, having fun, not being tied down," I look at him as I bring my straw to my lips and sip.

"Tied down, huh?" He cuts his eyes to me and I laugh as he teases.

He's got a gun metal grey t-shirt on and I admire how fit he is as he talks, "Nah, I get that. I've been single for years, myself… I'm getting to that point where the thought of coming home to someone at the end of a rough day, doesn't sound so bad, though."

There's not a pretentious note in his tone and I believe him. I can relate to wanting that feeling too and I nod.

"So what are your thoughts on love?" He tilts his head to the side. "You a hopeless romantic or one of those convinced that love isn't real?"

"No… I don't think that at all," I say. "I'd rather fall in love ten times and have my heart ripped apart all ten times, than to never have experienced it, you know?"

"You read my mind." He smiles.

When he stands and takes my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, he pulls me to stand. "I've gotta get outta here in ten minutes, so we have no time to waste, come on… let's go fall in love."

I giggle and grab my coke, as pulls me through the bar over to the dart board.

He grabs the darts out of the board while I put my drink on the table next to us. I look over at the girls and see they're all watching us.

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It's been thirty minutes and Jake is late for something but he doesn't let it bother him. I like that he laughs and smiles a lot, and how he touches me constantly. He lets me win the last two rounds and kisses me softly, telling me that it's time for him to leave... he's really got to go. When we open the door, the white light from the posts drapes the gravel lot as we walk. When we reach my car, he's the perfect gentleman, touching my chin and bending to kiss me.

The tickly feeling, of my first crush kissing me, bubbles to the top when his lips touch mine and I'm come over with emotion, which I deliver into the kiss. He presses me against the car and our hands are moving, tongues are touching, those static thoughts in my mind are going silent, and we don't even leave space for breathing we're so close... full on making out in this gravel parking lot.

If something doesn't stop soon, we'll have a replay of last night, right here, on top of my car.

"Mmm. I need more of you." He speaks against my lips, reaching to stroke my neck, "I haven't stopped thinking about it." He's against me... breathing hard, lips still touching mine.

"Me either, " I lie.

While I have thought about it a lot since, I've thought about other stuff too. like Edward. And what an asshole he is and how I can't wait to give it right back to him, the same way he gave it to me at that party.

And Briggs. And what if. And why he's ignoring me.

He steps back after placing a kiss on my cheek. "I wanna call you later." He hands me his phone. "Punch in your number for me?"

I take his phone, tapping my name and number, handing it back to him with a soft smile.

One hand on my car, the other on my neck, he kisses my neck and asks, "When can I see you again?"

"Anytime, just call me." I move my face to kiss him first this time and he holds tight to me before gently pecking a last kiss on my lips.

He opens my door and while I get in my car he leans over the door. "I want you to think about what I said. About being mine." And then he turns to leave.

I watch him through my windshield as he walks through the lot, to the back of the compound and I feel excited, and wanted. It feels good... but I'm not ready to be tied down. I am ready to flaunt him in front of Edward though.

On the drive back, I enjoy the feelings of butterflies as I think about last night, and tonight. How Jake looks at me, touches me, speaks to me.

And then I pass a motorcycle and think about Briggs. Again.

When I see Jess's number light up on my phone, the decision to go straight to her house comes instantly.

When I answer she asks what I'm doing, and I tell her I'm on the way to her house. She tells me she's about to get in the shower, they've called her into work, to just come on in when I get there.

So I do.

And damn… it's there, parked on the side when I pull in.

He doesn't look up when I come in, he just keeps pressing out push ups on the floor. The top of his head is facing me, feet behind him. Shirt off, muscles bulging, and I think I might die if he looks at me right now, but I keep staring, quietly closing the door, laying my purse on the stairs.

When he stands and notices me there, he's larger than the room and the face of the tiger stretched across his stomach is wild... its mouth opening below right where his belly button is.

He takes one bud out and says "What's up." While grabbing and pulling one foot to his butt, stretching his leg.

"Just stopping by to see Jess for a minute."

He grabs his other leg, stretching it the same way and my eyes can't stay on his. I look at the muscles bulging from his sides, his abs... how even through all the ink, they're completely defined. He's got nothing but running shorts, earbuds hooked to an ipod and Nike's on. He looks like a Nike ad.

"I think she's in the shower." He stretches his arms now.

"Yeah, she told me."

Something is different between us. Tense.

He starts towards me and when he passes he says, "Going for a run. I'll catch you later." Putting his other ear piece in and walking out the door. I go straight to the window to watch him as he jogs down the stairs, stopping at the mailbox to stretch more.

He crosses his legs, bending at the waist to touch his toes. When he's satisfied with his stretch, he looks back and sees me there, just staring. I don't move because I don't mind that he knows I'm watching him, I mean I was pretty forward about my attraction to him last night, why hide it now?

We share a look and the cold steel in his eyes sends feelings through me that I don't like. Feelings that I'm on a shaky path right now.

And he's off.

I'm not leaving until he gets back.

**A/N: For all on Team Briggs, you're my favorites. I truly love you. Your time will come, and good things come to those who wait, I assure you. **


	12. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: PLEASE READ**

Since I'm only updating to address a few things, give out a spoiler and fair warnings for the rest of this story, I will actually post a teaser of the next chapter at the end of this.

After concern via a lot of pm's as well as reviews... my main objective is to set the record straight here. To let all of you know how the rest of this story will go because a lot of you have expressed not wanting to read anything that's not Bella and Edward or where Bella might be promiscuous or or or or or.

I get that. One of my best friends likes to know how a story will end before she commits to reading it. I get that, but I don't plan on telling you the ending, only just enough for you to decide if you want to continue reading from here on out or not. This way I don't feel like people think I'm trying to hide what's really going on from you so that you'll keep reading. I would never want an uninterested, bitter reader.

**So this is for all of you to either decide to continue following (which I ultimately hope you all will do, your encouragement and readership means the world) but like I said, I want no regrets, so this is for some of you to unfollow/unalert/unfav.**

**First I'll start out with warnings: These characters will disappoint you. They will do things that you won't expect, as well as things you won't agree with. Bella will be with Edward and she will be with Briggs as well. At the same time? Not necessarily, but for those of you that can't handle promiscuity or just things not going how you generally planned, this is your opportunity to stop reading. Spoiler: Bella will not end up with Jake. Bella will end up with either Edward or Briggs and I don't plan to reveal that until the very end. So for any of you reading that can't handle a story where Bella does not end up with Edward, please stop reading... I don't want to disappoint you. For those of you that are on Team Briggs and can't handle Bella not ending up with Briggs, same thing applies here, I don't want to disappoint you. Good news? She ends up with one of them, lol.**

I truly hope all of you will continue reading while I develop these relationships. Mistakes will happen, redemption will occur and true love will ultimately prevail... hope you all stick around!

* * *

**BRIGGS POV**

After forty two minutes of my feet pounding the pavement through the dark, I press the volume up and kick it up a notch to best my time.

Faster and faster, I stretch each leg, pressing and pushing off the pavement below. As my breaths become harder and harder with each stride, I try to steady my breathing until I'm fully exerted.

My watch glows on my wrist, indicating my pace and distance and when I hit five miles it takes everything I've got not to stop right there and bend over to catch my breath, but I keep with it, gradually slowing my pace... cooling down until I come to a light jog, nearing Jess's street.

Rounding the curve, the light from the front porch comes into my view and when I get closer, I see Bella's car still in the driveway, which is odd, because Jess's is gone.

There's only one reason why she's still there, unless she's locked out or something. By the way she was watching me earlier, I'm gonna go ahead and scratch that off the list.

Walking up the driveway, my heart's still pounding, my legs feel a little wonky, and my fluids are still vibrating from the long session... but fresh off a run, I feel good.

Endorphins... I love the high I get from a workout. It feels so damn good. A good run can always put things into perspective for me, keeping me focused and sure.

I glance at my watch which reads 9:45 and I'm relieved that I've still got a little bit before I need to be back to the table at The Clubhouse.

When I reach the stairs I'm still breathing a little heavily. As the door opens, she's right there.

I look at her and nod... pulling the buds from my ears, letting them drape around my neck.

"Hey." I say to her as I pass, walking to the kitchen.

"Hey." Her voice rings as she follows behind me.

I go to the sink and wet a few paper towels, turning back around, wiping my face, neck… chest.

When I look up, she's frozen. Staring.

I know that feeling.

I put the cold paper towels to the back of my neck. "So what are you still doing here?"


	13. Chapter 14

**BRIGGS POV **

When I reach the stairs I'm still breathing a little heavily. As the door opens, she's right there.

I look at her and nod... pulling the buds from my ears, letting them drape around my neck.

"Hey." I say to her as I pass, walking to the kitchen.

"Hey." Her voice rings as she follows behind me.

I go to the sink and wet a few paper towels, turning back around, wiping my face, neck… chest.

When I look up, she's frozen. Staring.

I know that feeling.

I put the cold paper towels to the back of my neck. "So what are you still doing here?"

Her eyes scan over me and then she looks over to the counter. "I thought I'd make a good post workout snack."

I smile at her, because she's right. She would.

"Oh god, I mean..." She palms her forehead and then points to the counter beside the fridge and keeps talking, "I meant to say that I made you a snack."

I tell her, "I know what you meant," smiling at her while she rolls her eyes.

When I walk over to the paper plate she's left me, there's blocks of cheddar cheese and I think pepper jack cheese that are all stacked in pyramids. Some blueberries are beside slices of apple and she's shaped it like a flower with a huge glob of peanut butter in the center. I feel like I'm in kindergarten. I didn't even know we had this much shit in the fridge.

"Nice," I say, grabbing a slice and dipping it in. "You even shaped it like a pretty little flower for me?" I grab my chest, smiling at her.

"Hey… stop making fun, I was trying to be nice."

"I'm not makin' fun, girl. I wish I could come home to this every day. And I love peanut butter. Thank you."

She smiles while I make a mess of the peanut butter on the plate.

I devour a few slices of apple while she just stands there smiling. She's got a great smile. It lights up her whole face and it's contagious. It's a nice change from my harsh days and nights.

"I love peanut butter too. I was hoping you weren't allergic."

"Really?" I tease her, lifting my arm up, curling and flexing my bicep. "I'm a man, girl. Do I _look_ like I'm allergic to anything?"

And then I flex my pecs before grabbing another slice, cutting my eyes to her, "I'm not allergic to anything."

She giggles and I like it. I like everything about her.

And that's the problem.

This was pretty sweet of her and all, but I gotta put the brakes on it right now. Thing is, if I don't establish some boundaries with this thing, it's not gonna turn out good for either of us.

Especially if she plans on being around here like this. Wearing short shorts, staying here when there's no one home but us, smiling at me, making snacks for me and shit?

I don't even know how I'll control myself. But I'll start with a short term goal to just keep it platonic until Jake fucks it up. Hopefully she'll make it easy on me.

**BPOV**

His hair is wet and shiny from sweat as he stands across the kitchen from me, bare chest, sweat still dripping... with his butt leaned against the counter as we talk. He's wearing a thin pair of nike shorts and I'm me, so I can't seem to keep my eyes from looking at his crotch.

In my defense, I'm not an obsessive crotch watcher, I just... how can you not look at a guy's crotch when he's wearing basketball shorts? They reveal everything. That thin material lays so delicately over that sweet pile of junk, showing all their stuff that you have to. And when they walk or jog in them? Oh my god. It moves right along. You can't not watch the bounce. It's an unwritten rule in the girl code book. You have to look at crotches in basketball shorts. But only if the guy is cute. And over five foot eleven.

He puts the plate down, pointing an apple slice in my direction as he speaks. I'm trying my best to keep my eyes above the tiger, checking out the tiny barbells stuck through the center of each nipple. When he did that thing with his pecs, making them dance, I noticed the barbells for the first time.

I love how I discover something new about him each time I see him.

"So what's up with you?" He says, crossing his legs as he munches on his snack. His bulge sticks out just a little more now that his legs are crossed and my brain can't stay focused. My eyes aren't obeying my _look away_ signals.

"Not much. Just bored… not feeling being at Charlie's tonight."

"Well at least get over here and share this with me, you put enough on this plate for both of us." He laughs.

"I'm good, I had some while I was making yours." I smile at him as he puts the plate down and walks to the fridge.

He's scanning over the contents of the fridge and without looking back to me he asks, "So, you wanna talk about it?"

I don't really know what _it_ is but when I look back up to him he's coming closer with a look on his face that feels invasive.

He takes a sip from the bottle and speaks again. When he's about two feet away he says, "He's my brother, you know." Eyes piercing mine.

_Oh_.

_That_.

"You mean Jake?" I say as he comes to stand in front of me... closer now.

He cuts his eyes at me, like _come on, now_.

He towers above me when I ask, "How'd you know?"

"We don't keep secrets from each other, Bella. We talk." He brings the bottle to his lips again and before he takes a sip, bottle to his lips, eyes cutting down to mine, he finishes, "About everything."

I don't know why I feel ashamed, but I do.

This just got awkward.

I glance to the floor, toeing the ground beside his shoe and then I bring my guilty eyes back to him, speaking small. "For whatever it's worth, I came back there to see you."

He reaches around me to put his water on the counter and his proximity sends my heart racing. The hard ripple of his abs makes it hard to contain myself… I imagine biting my fist, but somehow keep the self control not to.

He speaks softly to me while backing away a little, "Listen, it's cool... alright. Don't get the wrong idea here. I didn't bring it up because I'm searching for an explanation. You don't owe me that."

I stop him, "But, it's true… when I came back that night I wanted..."

"Let me finish." He holds up a hand and I listen as he begins.

"We might not be biologically related, but make no mistake, Jake and I are brothers in every sense. I just won't cross him, you know?"

I feel small and scolded but I can't seem to stop blurting things out, so I answer, "We aren't even together like that, though. I was so wasted that night, Briggs. And I'm not even making excuses. I like Jake, it's just that..."

"Doesn't matter. This thing between me and you," he points a finger at me and back to him when he speaks, stepping in closer, "This attraction we have?"

I thought the tension was thick before he said that. Now? There's no air left in this room.

We're both staring intently and I'm pretty sure he can hear my heart beating. He looks down to the floor, trying to gather the right words I guess. When he looks back to me with the most sincere eyes he speaks softly, with eyes that are silently begging when he speaks.

"I'm still a man, you know? I'm not perfect, Bella. I have _weaknesses _just like any other man." When he says that word, weaknesses, he puts his hand on my arm and lightly holds on for a second while relaying what that word really means with his eyes. Everything he's saying just made total sense to me.

"Don't make this hard for me is all I'm saying." He steps back still looking at me and I can feel my pulse vibrating my entire body.

Heart pounding, blood pumping I speak lightly. "Got it."

The immature argumentative child in me won't let it go though, so I speak up in argument. "You know what? I totally understand what you're saying here but I don't think you really understand me."

He's back across the kitchen now, keeping his distance. He grabs a few blueberries, popping them in his mouth, "I'm all ears."

"I'm not _with him_, with him. Like, I'm not looking for a relationship. I belong to no one."

"I didn't say you did." He puts another handful of blueberries in his mouth, keeping his cool.

"I just find it unfair that you're already labeling me as his."

"That's the _last_ thing I'm saying." He speaks around a mouthful of berries.

"Then what?"

He comes close, still chewing. When he's almost touching me, he reaches behind me to grab his water, tipping the bottle back, chugging all of it.

I watch his inked throat as he swallows. I scan the muscles in his arm, down to his chest and god, he's gorgeous. A chill runs through me as I study the tattoos weaving all around his neck, stopping in a neat slanted line that runs along his jawbone. And then I look back to the fierce tiger below… a perfectly detailed animal laced across his torso.

"Look at me."

I know this sounds all cliche, but dead serious… when my eyes meet his, it's a charge that hits like a jolt... straight through me.

He brings his face a little closer, his chest barely grazing my nipples. "You feel that?"

Barely breathing, I reply with a quick yes, just hoping he'll stop his questions and forget everything he just said and kiss me.

He bends down and his lips just lightly graze my ear when he speaks, "This... Bella. We both know what this is, right?."

What I want most to do, is to place my hands on his sides, and pull his middle to mine, but I let out a slow breath and try to calm my nervousness as I nod a slow yes up to him. Because I know _exactly_ what this is. He's showing me what it's like to want something, but having to remain within a set of boundaries.

He speaks slowly and earnestly while backing away, "Jake has never betrayed me. I owe him that same respect. Don't make this impossible for me, okay? That's all I'm saying."

"Okay," I say shakily and I step back too. "I'm sorry. I would never try to come in between the two of you. Not intentionally anyway."

"Listen, I just said what had to be said. We don't have to go on about it, let's not even talk about it anymore. Deal?"

"Deal."

And the silence between us, now that our heavy conversation is over, is awkward.

He grabs another slice of apple and winks at me before saying, "Thanks for the snack. Good talk." And seconds later I listen as his feet hit each stair he climbs and yells, "Gotta shower!"

.

.

.

Minutes later, I'm still in the kitchen thinking over the conversation we just had and what he said at the end. _Good talk_? What in the fuck even?

He just teased the hell out of me and then basically said it's not gonna happen. And didn't even stop there. He's basically just handed me all of the responsibility of keeping this relationship within some sort of invisible platonic boundary. I mean… what if I don't want to make it easy on him? What if I want to make him step over his boundaries?

I instantly scold myself while grabbing a slice of apple left on his plate. I guess I am being kind of selfish. I've been betrayed by a good friend before. I know how it feels. I also know how it feels to fall out with a friend. It sucks. I guess, in some ways, Briggs and Jake are like me and Jess. We aren't just friends, we're family.

I can do this. _For Briggs_.

For the same reason that I came here, I don't leave when Briggs gets in the shower. Maybe it's because I'm tired of being alone and I'm not looking forward to going back to Charlie's lonely house.

Maybe it's because a thick sadness is hanging over me and I know if I _do_ go home, I'll drink the entire bottle of rum that's in my freezer. So I sink into Jess's couch and grab the remote.

.

.

.

I fall into Jess's comfy couch and pull up the guide, scrolling through to find a movie.

About 20 minutes later, I've come to that scene in The Fault in our Stars, where Hazel Grace is speaking at Gus's funeral. That scene sparks gut wrenching feelings in me... putting me right back in the pew at Charlie's funeral.

I've completely forgotten I'm at Jess's house and that Briggs is also here. I'm legit about to ugly cry when I hear his footfalls on the stairs, so I take deep breaths enough to slow down the crying thing and I grab the blanket on the back of the couch and cover myself with it, pulling my legs to my chest.

"You watchin' a movie alone?" I can smell his clean scent wafting down the stairs, it fills the room.

The tension between us earlier has dissipated, leaving us with a much cooler vibe.

"Yep." I look back to the screen.

"You just gonna hang here tonight?" He smiles down at me walking to the other side of the couch.

.

.

**A/N: Briggs says he's so happy we don't have to do those long, explanatory ANs anymore and goodnight everyone! We'll see you soon :0) XOXO**


	14. Chapter 15

"You watchin' a movie alone?" I see his black shoes and smell his clean scent wafting down the stairs, filling the room.

The tension from earlier has dissipated, leaving us with a much cooler vibe.

"Yep." I look back to the screen.

"You just gonna hang here tonight?" I eye his black watch as his hand trails the back of the couch. He smiles down at me, while walking to the other side.

I turn back to the tv, "Yeah, Jess and I trade houses all the time. You didn't know that?" I try to sound funny, a little happier than I actually feel. And with each word of Hazel Grace's eulogy, my face betrays me. My chin starts to tremble… my throat closes, I know it's coming whether I want it to or not. I beg my body not to do it. Not to let me start crying, because if I cry right now over this movie, I'll cry for everything that's ever affected me in my life. But most of all, I'll cry over losing Charlie.

And before I can say one last prayer to keep my cool, a tear slips out and slides down my cheek.

It's over.

He sits down beside me.

"Hey...everything okay?" He spreads his arm out behind me, scooting closer.

"I'm good." I say just staring at the screen, hoping that he can't see the tear stream down the other side.

"You don't look like everything is good." He leans over, scanning my face.

"Hey…" He strokes my cheek and I swear if he comes closer I won't be able to contain myself any further, I really just want him to stop talking and leave. I don't wanna cry in front of him. I don't want to cry at all.

"I didn't mean to be harsh, Bella." He strokes my other cheek now. "The last thing I wanted to do was upset you or make you cry… jesus, girl, come here." He grabs my shoulder and looks back to the tv before I can respond, picking up the remote and clicking the channel to change it. "And _why_ are you watching this sad, girly shit?" He makes a disgusted face.

I laugh a little at him for making fun of my choice and I speak, "It isn't you or anything you said, I promise." I wipe my face and sigh in frustration.

"Well, what is it then? You can talk to me."

If I keep talking I'm scared I'll sob but I continue, "It's just this stupid movie and Charlie and it's so hard to be there alone sometimes, you know?" He stays silent, listening and looking on with sweet eyes.

And now I sound like that the sob story girl that's begging for attention, fuck. So I shake my head, wipe my face and just say, "I'm fine," but my trembling voice and traitor tears break free.

Briggs stands, pulling the blanket from me and holds out his hands. When I put both of mine in his, he pulls me to stand, bringing my body to his, hugging me softly while grabbing my head, stroking my hair, resting my cheek against his chest, and I can't help it. I cry.

I cry lightly at first, but as he sways me in his arms it comes rushing out. And he holds me while I shake and sob.

This is the best feeling and the worst at the same time.

"I hate this. I hate crying, I'm sorry."

"Hey," he speaks so softly to me. "You gotta let it out. That shit will eat you alive if you don't." He continues to hold my head to his chest, softly swaying as he whispers, "Just let it out." And I move my hands from where they're cradled against his chest, bringing them around, clinging to him.

I try to control it, but the sobs shake me and with each shake, he holds me tighter.

I haven't broken down like this since the day we buried Charlie and I feel pissed at myself for being so weak like this. I'm sure Briggs has more important things to be doing than this right now so I try to get my breathing back to normal, taking deep breaths.

Minutes later, Briggs speaks when my sobs quiet and my breathing evens out. "I know what it feels like, Bella." His hand strokes my hair. "I lost both of my parents at sixteen."

Not only is that much worse than my situation, that's devastating, and moreover, it's news to me. Jess never mentioned it. I guess all the miles and middle school took precedence over a lot of the years.

He continues while my mind races, "It's like your whole world changes when your parents are gone. Your foundation is swept out from under you, leaving you flat on your back. No direction, no security, nothing but questions, anger, frustration, and fucking pain. I know how you feel." His thumb strokes the side of my face softly as I rest against his chest. He sways and holds tight.

Just when I've got my tears under control, another rises to the surface. Not for me this time. For him. I reach up to the back of his neck, where the shaved hair is soft, and his chain hangs around.

He continues consoling me and while I hate myself right now, I like Briggs more than ever before. My respect for him was already high, but now? He's just a good guy.

He speaks softly to me again and I continue stroking the back of his neck... trying to somewhat console his pain as he places mine first. "I promise you it gets better. You won't ever get over it, but the pain will lessen. You just have to allow yourself to feel it first. That's the key, baby. You've got to feel the pain before it will ever go away."

"I hate it, Briggs. I hate the way it feels. This huge hole I have. The guilt I have for not spending enough time with him." He quiets me instantly.

"Shhh…" He speaks gently, stroking my hair, "Stop. You can't do that. You can't allow yourself to carry all that shit around? All that unnecessary guilt? You think Charlie would've wanted that?"

When I don't speak he leans back and pulls my chin to look up at him.

"I knew Charlie, Bella. I know that's the last thing he would want."

I blink with a nod and he releases me to wipe my tears. He's so gentle and so sweet and I'm so embarrassed when I see his shirt.

"Oh my god. I soaked your shirt. I'm so sorry."

He holds my chin, lifting my eyes to his pretty blues, "If you say the words I'm sorry again, you really will be, got it? There's nothing to be sorry for, I've got you, okay? I know you feel like nobody understands... because your friends are young and their parents are all still alive, but I get it, okay? You don't have to explain yourself to me." He's got his arms draped around my lower back, not letting me go and I'm thankful.

"You've just gotta allow yourself to feel it. It won't get better if you don't."

I look up at him as the tv strobes light over us both. "I hate to feel."

He smiles at me releasing me from his hold and I want it back immediately.

"You and I are a lot alike, you know?" He takes my hand in his and pulls me towards the door. "Come on, I know what'll make you feel better."

.

.

.

.

I see where we're headed and a thrill rushes through me as we make our way to his bike.

I straddle his steel, grab tight to him and once again, we head into the ink black night.

When we've made it out of town and the only thing around are the dark mountainous hills ahead, I hold tight to him as he presses full throttle.

As we whip through the wind, the stars stretch out over the expanse above, shining bright.

There's not a feeling that compares to riding on a motorcycle. It's a rush that's freeing. It's exhilarating… mind-numbingly nice. The wind on your face, whipping your hair into a wild frenzy, the rumble of the power between your legs.

And this is how we end the last hour of the night… the way we began weeks ago, on the back of his bike.

.

.

.

.

About an hour later, we're back and he cuts the motor, stepping off. He turns to help me… placing one hand in mine and his other hand on my thigh, "You okay now?" He's black on black on beautiful, with those silver tags gleaming and that perfectly chiseled face looking at me intently.

"Yeah, I'm good... so much better now." I smile up to him as he helps me off. "Thank you, Briggs."

"You don't have to thank me." We walk towards Jess's porch, side by side. "I gotta get back to The Clubhouse, but you know you're welcome to stay here." He stops, looking down to me.

"Yeah, I know… I should probably head home though." I turn towards my car.

When I feel his hand around my wrist, I turn to him.

"Hey listen... don't let me, or anything I said earlier, be the reason why you don't stay here tonight. Nothing has to change, okay? I just had to say it, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I know what you mean." I feel shy, but I love that he cares.

"You sure you're alright?" He puts a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I promise, I'm good. You don't know how much I needed that."

"I do. Why d'you think I own a bike?" We share a smile as he backs away towards it.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Be safe, please."

"What do you mean?"

"The Clubhouse. It's not the safest place for you to be. I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, and I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself. I'm simply saying that I want you to be safe, and lately you've been showing up there."

"Why would Jake ask me to come up there if I'm not safe?"

He looks at his watch and back to me, coming back up to me, speaking almost at a whisper. He grabs my hand before he speaks, "He doesn't mean anything by it. Sometimes Jake is a little too optimistic. Where I see everything that can go wrong, he doesn't look at it that way. I don't want you to think I'm saying that Jake would put you in danger. For one, I wouldn't let that happen. But The Clubhouse isn't safe, Bella. For any of us. You understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." I nod up to him.

"Alright, I gotta get outta here," He says, pulling me to him, nuzzling my head into his neck and hugging me bye.

When he let's me go he says, "One last thing before I go." I look up to him in question.

He smiles, pinching my cheek. "Smile for me?"

And I do, because he makes me happy. Everything about him.

I watch him get on his bike and ride out. I think about what he said about the Clubhouse as I get into my car and drive home. What could be so unsafe about that place?

.

.

.

.

.

The sun is sinking and the tall skinny trunks of palms stretch up to the sky, where their branches blossom at the top as we drive.

Alice is driving, Angela's right beside her and I'm stretched across the backseat. We're headed to the diner. Alice has to have a slice of apple pie, she's been talking about it all afternoon.

The feeling is fun and free.

Because I'm on the sauce again.

Lately, it's getting harder, not easier.

I hate living alone. I hate looking at Briggs with want and feeling guilty about it. I like the thrill of Jake chasing me, but he's not the one I truly want so I just spend my days settling.

Being in Charlie's house, with Charlie's things is weighing heavily. And it's not really that much stuff, it's all packed away in the room in the back. The door stays closed. It's just... it's all his. And it's hollow. I thought I was fine. But this time alone hasn't led to progression. I actually think I'm getting worse.

But I don't talk about it.

I just smile and pretend, anticipating the next chance I'll get to feel numb. Unfortunately, the only way to get where I want to be are through alcohol or sex.

Preferably a combination.

Nothing completely does it.

The moments that I'm alone with Briggs really help though. I don't think about anything when I'm with him. And we don't have sex. And I'm not usually drinking when we're around each other. He's easy. Ever since that night at Jess's... it's been different for us, we've become friends. But there's some times, when I look at him, and he looks back to me, I can see something. This small hint of something there, that he's feeling but can't say. It's those silent moments we share that we end up saying the most. For me, it's torture... but I continue on, because that's how he wants it.

I see Jake on occasion, he's always busy though so when I do see him, he's there one minute and gone the next. He still excites me. I'm not only attracted to him physically, but I like how he isn't clingy and though he did pull the girlfriend card on me, he doesn't crowd me.

He sends charming texts and calls me with a breathy voice when he's craving a replay of our first night. My stomach flips when I picture his pretty eyes.

Alice pulls into the full parking lot and we hop out, heading for the door. I follow closely behind them and when Alice opens the door, I see a familiar mess of apple butter hair that's skittered through my mind several times since the last time I saw him.

Edward's coming out as we enter and he holds the door for me to go on in. I tell Alice and Angela that I'll be along in a minute and I look up to him and ask, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

He gestures to the parking lot and says, "After you."

.

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**A/N: Edward says he'll see you next time :)**


	15. Chapter 16

The Diner is lit up with people talking, laughing and eating as Edward and I stand outside on the sidewalk, in front of a row of parked cars… one waiting on the other to speak first.

He's so stubborn... so full of pride.

"Did you have a good time at your girlfriend's party the other night?"

"How do know that was my girlfriend?" He lifts one brow to suggest that maybe she wasn't his girlfriend. Or perhaps just one of them.

"I honestly didn't ask you out here for that."

"Mmm-hmm." He smirks at me and it makes me want to punch him in the face.

"I wanted to talk to you about my car."

He starts digging in his pocket for his keys, because he couldn't _possibly_ stand still long enough to listen to me and give me his attention.

"What about your car?" He drives his fingers through his hair and finishes, "I brought it back to you in better condition than it was _before_ you drunkenly railed me. What could you possibly need with it now?"

I eye him with disgust. "Why are you like this?" I ask him as calmly as possible but I'm sure he can sense my frustration.

"Like what?" He shakes his head and looks confused, spreading a sly smile. Playing games, always. He knows what I mean.

"I don't know… just… how you are." I toss my hand in his direction, pointing out his body language and his attitude. "Do you treat everyone like they're beneath you, or just me?"

"Beneath me, in what sense?" He cocks a brow and I'm definitely gonna kick him in the dick.

When I stand seething with no response he can sense my anger and he continues with an irritated tone, "Well, in my defense, you _are_ the only drunk driver who's ever hit me from behind." He says it loud, and I'm embarrassed, hoping no one heard.

"Jesus, settle down?" I look up to him, shaking my head and continue "Like, ease up or something… I just want the bill. I don't want or need anything from you. I just want to pay what I owe …" He starts nodding his head like he's going to speak but I hold up a finger and continue, "And when you dropped it off that morning I didn't get a chance to ask you and I never got a bill in the mail. I just wanna pay you."

"You didn't get one because you don't owe one. You don't owe anything."

His keys are in his hands and he's tight lipped. I hear the sounds of a bike in the distance as we step aside to let a rowdy bunch of kids by.

"How is that possible? I know you had to get parts and paint. I know your guys spent three days working on it. I know that stuff isn't free."

He leans into me, speaking slowly like he does sometimes, talking to me like I'm a kid. "Like I said, I took care of it. You don't owe me anything."

"I don't want your handouts. Just let me pay you."

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?" He has a mean look on his face, speaking quietly now.

I notice Jake pulling into the parking lot and I watch him as he rumbles by in front of us, not looking our way. My eyes trail him as he pulls to the back right corner of the lot but I turn back to Edward and reluctantly thank him.

"Thank you."

"Actually, you know what? Don't thank me. Thank Charlie."

I look up at him confused. "What does that mean?"

"Let's just say that I owe Charlie."

I'm stunned silent. Standing here staring at him with my mouth open.

"I gotta get outta here, kid. It just got a little too crowded for me. Maybe I'll see you around?"

I see Jake stepping off his bike, looking this way. He's got a peculiar look on his face but I look back to Edward, head full of confusion and say, "Yeah… maybe so."

He takes two backward steps and turns with a "Later," and I have so many questions but I put them all on hold for another time… when I can think straight.

Jake starts walking this way and I run up to catch Edward before he gets in his car.

"Hey!" I grab his arm and he turns.

"I don't need it, but I do appreciate it. Just want you to know that."

"Yeah… okay." He turns to open his door.

"Hey, Bella?" I look back to him, holding his car door open, one arm draped over the hood. "I watched you staring the other night. Did you like what you saw?" He has an evil taunting smirk as he waits to capture my surprised expression before hopping in, closing his door, and reversing... peeling out of the parking lot.

_Asshole_.

That's cool, though. I eye Jake walking towards me and I physically reel with delight at the thought of rubbing Jake in Edward's face the next chance I get as I walk towards him.

The smell of burnt rubber fills the air and I listen as Edward speeds down the road, away from here.

When I meet Jake at the door, he brings his arm around me, looking at me with his bright eyes and his big dimpled smile, "Hey angel."

He makes me feel wanted. I like his affection.

He opens the door for me and we spot Alice and Ang in a booth and slide in with them. Alice looks up to Jake, "What are you doing here?" as he slides in beside me.

"Had some business to handle… saw this pretty thing outside when I got here…" He looks to me, with his arm stretched out behind me, tucking me into him. He smiles at me and it makes me feel beautiful. When he stretches his knees apart, I don't even think about it, I put my hand on his thigh. I like how freely he touches me and how he likes it when I touch him.

Leaning in, he softly kisses me on the cheek, coming closer and closer to my lips until his lips are on mine and a crumpled paper towel hits us. Alice taunts us with "Get a room, losers," from across the table.

We stop kissing and I stick my tongue out at Alice, but Jake doesn't take his eyes or his hands off of me. The way he reveres me gives me butterflies.

Jake Black is larger than life. He has a ton of charisma, lighting up a room when he walks in… he demands attention. He's that type of guy. He knows all the right people, all the right things to say, he knows how to carry himself and he gets respect everywhere he goes. Add his exceedingly good looks to that? He's the perfect guy.

Have you ever had a perfect guy and tried your hardest to make yourself fall in love with him, but for some reason, you just know that he's not the one, so you just settle and enjoy it? He's that guy for me. But I don't actually _have-him_, have him. We aren't official.

He evades to it a lot, bringing up the girlfriend title but changing the subject instantly, so there's a constant push and pull that keeps me interested. Jake never shows all of his cards, another reason why I like him so much.

Alice stabs a slice of apple with her fork, dipping it into the scoop of ice cream and feeds Angela a bite. They're so in love that sometimes it's just gross. Maybe I'm just jealous though. I wanna be in gross love too.

I've thought it over several times, though. The excitement I feel when I'm with Jake is wonderful. The attraction is definitely there, but there's a certain element that's missing.

The chemistry.

That comfortable chemistry I have with the inked boy I can't touch. It's the kind of chemistry where we can just sit beside each other, in silence, and do nothing, say nothing, but be entirely content. The kind of chemistry where happiness surrounds me and hugs so tight it blinds me to everything else around.

I can look at Briggs and say more with my eyes and mind than I could ever speak out loud to Jake. And that's just it. There's a certain sort of silent, mutual understanding, comfort and happiness that I can't reproduce with anyone else, but Briggs.

If I could just bottle that up and pour it into this thing with me and Jake, I could be in love, like Alice and Ang, too.

Hell, maybe I'm already in love. With someone that I can't have. Maybe that's what's wrong with me.

A big guy with an apron comes to the table, holding his hand out to Jake. "What's up, Black?" They fold fingers, sliding their hands into a shake and then fist bump.

"Nothin' man, just stoppin' by to see Paul for a minute. He here?"

"Yeah, yeah. He's in the back, I'll go tell him you're here."

"Alright, thanks man. I'll be back in a minute."

He gives me a squeeze and asks me if he can call me later. I smile and nod yes at him, because of course he can.

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Later at Alice's, Rose has come over and she keeps talking about this Desert Drag thing.

She says it's this secret race that happens once a year and only certain people know about it. There'll be music, drinks, and fun on top of the adrenaline of the race. She says that everyone "that matters" will be there and it's gonna be the best time and she's gonna buy all of us "some good stuff" so we can all be "on her level."

If she means what I think she means, I'll be numb. Which means, I'm in. Desert Drag or not.

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**A/N: I had zero time to edit this, I'm sure it's a mess, so please just forgive all the errors. See you soon :)**


	16. Chapter 17

**Edward- fourth grade**

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Two weeks into the school year, the afternoon sun beams rays through the large windows in Miss Taylor's fourth grade classroom.

Edward likes it in the afternoons, when his teacher calls the class to the rug for story time, because the girl with the brown hair and the brown eyes always sits beside him.

Small shoes and knees huddle together and come in close, on the brightly colored circle rug, to hear Miss Taylor read aloud.

The children all sit criss-cross applesauce and Edward's knee touches the brown haired girl beside him, and she doesn't mind. He knows her name but he doesn't think she knows his yet, though she's always nice to him. He noticed yesterday that the sticker on her desk says Isabella but she crossed out the Isa with a red marker, so now it just says bella.

As the pages turn, the kids look to each other, smiling and laughing.

Bella covers her mouth when she giggles and Edward quickly thinks how her brown eyes remind him of his mother's. It reminds him that his mother is still gone and he feels hints of sadness for missing her, but those feelings are quickly dismissed when his attention goes back to the funny story.

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Three months into the school year Edward decides that he likes Bella… but he's a bit shy to tell her this, so he decides to put a note in her book bag. That afternoon, when Bella gets into her father's car, a folded piece of notebook paper with a race car drawn on the back, falls from the front pocket of her book bag… never to be opened or read by her, but lost to the wind and debris.

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A month goes by and Edward has only thought once about the note with the check box and the race car he drew on the back of it. He assumes that she doesn't like him back, though she's still nice to him. He has other worries on his mind now. It's been a long time since his mother left, and he's losing hope that she'll come home.

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School's going to be out for summer soon and Edward hasn't forgotten that his mom still hasn't come home. He misses the sandwiches she used to pack him in his lunchbox.

On pizza and burger days, Bella shares her lunch with Edward because most of the time the pizza is cold in the middle, or the burger is still frozen in places.

Edward's friend Stephen talks about the go kart his parents got him for his birthday and he thinks about how fun it would be if he could have one too, because he's always been fascinated with anything on wheels. He especially likes his four wheeler. It doesn't go as fast as he would like it to, but he enjoys riding it through the yard and the woods behind his house. He doesn't think about his mom leaving when he's riding.

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When Edward asks his dad when his mom is coming back, he answers differently this time, and says she probably never will. Edward doesn't believe his father. She would never leave him. She loves him.

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It's the end of the school year and six days have passed since Bella's desk has been empty. The teacher took her name tag off the desk and moved it to the back of the room. After lunch the teacher tells the class, "Isabella has moved to Arizona," when some of the girls ask.

Edward hears this and feels kind of glad that the girl whose eyes reminds him of his mother's, left... but he doesn't understand why it makes him feel sad for the rest of the day.

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**A/N: I did something a little unconventional here (because it's fanfic, not a manuscript) and switched things up momentarily to give you ten year old Edward, in third person pov. I will switch back to first person pov to deliver seventeen year old Edward right after this one. I want to make sure you understand Edward as much as possible, and this worked best for me. I'll post in separate chapters so they aren't confused. Hope this gives a tiny bit of insight into who Edward really is, and most importantly why. **


	17. Chapter 18

**EDWARD, SEVEN YEARS LATER (17 YEARS OLD)**

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"What are you gonna do about it, punk?" He shoves me back as the guys look on and I look at him like he's lost his fucking mind, before turning to walk away.

"That's right pussy boy, go get back in daddy's car and drive the fuck away." His voice makes my heart pound and anger flames through me as I ignore him, reaching the gate.

There's no use in entertaining him with a fight. He'll win anyway. Jasper and Nate know this too and they follow wordlessly.

Not only is he about twenty pounds heavier than me, but he's four years older, and Jacob Black fights dirty. Everyone in town knows it. He's the classic example of a thug... carried a gun since he was sixteen.

I'm not scared. But I'm also not stupid. So, I grab my basketball and leave the courts, not giving him the time of day.

Last week he showed up at a party and busted a beer bottle over Luke's head just because he didn't like Luke's response to him when the keg ran out. Two days later he beat a guy to a pulp with brass knuckles in the parking lot of his dad's bar… he's a loose cannon. And he's probably got a gun on him right now... which is why I walked.

What he doesn't know, is this isn't daddy's car. I worked my ass off for it, still do.

Jake Black can suck my dick.

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Emmett and I raid my dad's stash of Stoli before we head over to Nate's.

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It's Friday night and Nate's parents are gone for the weekend. Close to 100 people will most likely be here by the end of the night, which is why I'll probably bail out early, before the cops get called.

Nate almost burns his face off lighting the last tiki torch as his girl, Emily, and her friend, Sims, stretch a long, black tarp across the back yard. They're both wearing cut off tanks and bikini bottoms so it's hard not to watch. I'm just waiting on them to get wet, so we can see their tits.

Emmett helps them get it positioned across the back edge, laying it diagonally down the hill, where there's a big blow up pool filled with glow sticks. While Nate complains about singeing his brows, Garrett grabs the hose and sprays the tarp, and Jasper dumps detergent all over it.

I sit quietly beside the keg... drinking and observing.

Emmett wastes no time getting it slick, and grabs Emily and Sims, curling them in each arm and dragging them down, onto their backs. The girls laugh and scream while Emmett slings them down the hill, the three of them crashing into the pool at the bottom.

Once they've untangled, Sims starts toward me... her see-through tank, soaked and sticking to her. She's got a pretty face, and her body is pretty nice, but she's dumb as shit, so I can't find it in myself to give into her advances. I do like looking at her tits though. So I do, until she makes it across the yard and in front of me. I get up before she can sit on my lap and I step to the keg to refill my cup.

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An hour later, the back yard is packed with bodies sliding into bodies, heavy lidded eyes, blaring music and loud, stumbling girls. Puffs of smoke fill the air above me, where I'm laid back in a lounge chair with a red solo cup in hand. I look on as girls are sliding, tits first and Emmett's walking around with scrapes all down his back, from wrestling with Mike.

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Jasper is soapy and already drunk as shit, with his arm around Nate. We're sitting under the tree, by the keg and I'm getting more and more pissed off by the second.

Jasper and Nate won't shut the fuck up about the courts the other day.

It's got me all fucked up… my anger building. I'm regretting not decking Jake Black in the face.

Eric comes up to me with some smoke in his hand and I pass. The guys don't hesitate to give me shit for not smoking that's it, I'm just done with everybody. So, I fill one last cup, tell the guys to suck my dick and I go back inside.

I walk through the house, digging for my keys, headed to my car, craving speed.

I weave through the hallways and the groups of people, ignoring the pulls on my sleeve and anyone calling my name when I spot Victoria talking to Riley.

I find a certain kind of release when I drive that I can't replicate. Sometimes a good blowjob, or a quick fuck will do it, but lately, I can't stand dealing with all the small talk I have to put up with to get a piece. Victoria is one of the few that aren't like that. Most girls want to talk and shit. Text back and forth, ride in my car. Waste my time.

They're all liars. So I don't give any of them what they want. Victoria doesn't want anything from me and I want nothing from her, so it's an easy situation.

I head straight in her direction, stepping between them, pushing my fingers through hers, and pulling her to the bathroom. I shoot Riley a bird over my shoulder as we walk off.

Fuck him too.

She laughs at me as she follows, but when I close the door behind us, I don't smile. I cover her mouth with mine.

After I move her mouth from mine, I ask her if she wants to put her lips somewhere else. She responds with a wild smile as she lowers to the floor.

Her knees hit the ground, my buckle clings open and within seconds she has me in her mouth.

She's good at what she does, starting off slow and remaining patient. She takes her time before she rocks faster.

I keep one hand on the back of her head, the other on the wall as I tag the back of her throat.

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Ten minutes later, people are beating on the door, I'm yelling, "Fuck off," and she's still working me. My abs are tensed, my legs are locked and my stomach tightens each time her head moves down but I can't hold onto the feeling. All the distractions… the building sensation keeps escaping me.

Like a roller coaster, I keep climbing and climbing but I can't make it to the drop. I hold my breath to get better sensation and try to block out all knocks on the door, and the voices in my head that say I'm a pussy and that all women lie and leave.

It's no use tonight.

Finally, I bring my hand just under her chin, pulling her off of me, when I realize I'm not gonna cum. I button my pants and tell her "Sorry, I gotta get outta here," as I leave her in the bathroom alone, closing the door behind me.

Jasper just happens to be outside the bathroom when I exit and I roll right past him.

When I make it out the front door, Jasper tries to stop me but I push him away and tell him to fuck off. He comes after me saying, "Come on, man… we were just fuckin' with you."

I get in my car, as he follows, coming to stand in front of my bumper. When I rev the engine and flash my brights on him, my tires inch toward him until he moves to the side, holding his hands up, while I peel out.

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As I race down the road my chest feels less tight. I hug each curve as I contemplate the next time I'll get back out on the track... nothing to hold me back, no red lines, no stop signs.

Speed, control, clarity… three things I always have behind the wheel.

Images of my mom and Jake's voice race through my mind as I pick up speed. His words from the other day repeat through my head as my headlights illuminate the road ahead. Visions of taking a nine iron to his head lighten my mood.

I drive and drive until I feel controlled and just after I pass the San An city limits sign, I notice blue lights strobing in my rear view mirror. I slow down and pull off to the side of the road.

This will be the sixth time this year I've gotten pulled over for speeding.

The first two times, I got Officer Swan, and he let me off with a warning. The third, fourth and fifth time, Officer James gave me a ticket. Every time the tickets get more expensive. I know my dad isn't gonna pay this one, and I don't have any money left over from the last race.

When I see him coming closer, the flashlight shining my way, I pray that it's Officer Swan as I roll my window down.

"Edward."

He leans down, shining his light into the car and I'm so fucking glad it's him this time.

**A/N: next chapter will post right after this one, today. I appreciate every single word. My heart.**


	18. Chapter 19

**Edward POV continued...**

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"Edward."

He leans down, shining his light into the car and I'm so fucking glad it's him this time.

"Yes sir." I say up to him.

He looks at me with disappointment in his eyes and I don't know why that bothers me, like I'm letting him down, but it does.

"Son, have you been drinking?" He looks at me in disbelief. I'm not drunk though, so I say no at first, but this isn't my first run in with Officer Swan. I know I have to tell him the truth.

And I do.

He looks down at me with stern eyes as he holds the flashlight at an angle towards me. "You got a death wish, son? You could've killed both of us tonight." He shines his flashlight to the passenger side and in the back seat as he continues, "You're lucky I pulled you over. Now turn the engine off, roll your window up and come get in my car, I'm takin' you home."

I do what he says.

He turns the blue lights off when I close my door and when he starts in the direction of my house, I tell him that my dad will kill me if he finds out. I beg him to let me call a friend to come get me. That doesn't go over so well, so he takes me to his house instead. I can't exactly ask him to drop me at Nate's, so it's my only option.

I don't know why he always saves my ass and acts like he cares, but he does. My own father doesn't even treat me as well as Officer Swan does.

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When we go up the steps and into his house he points to the couch and grabs a blanket from a closet, tossing it on me, telling me to help myself to anything in the fridge. He hangs his coat on the hook by the door and goes up the stairs, telling me to get some rest.

There's a shotgun leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, where a fish is mounted above. The furniture is old, not like my house at all. It's comfortable here though.

When I fall into the couch, I look above the fireplace. Glancing sideways, I try to make out the images that are in the frames placed across the mantle.

Drawn to the photos... I sit up and make my way to them.

There are three pictures, all of the same girl.

A girl I recognize.

The brown eyed girl that left and never came back. The girl that had warm eyes and a kind smile that reminded me of my mother.

There's a picture of her in a bathing suit, soaking wet, with a popsicle in her hand. A wide smile across her face. I don't know why I smile back at the frames, but I do.

I scan another picture that shows an older girl with the same features, but taller, more developed. She's in the desert, holding a small potted cactus… hair blowing in the wind.

The last picture spreads like a spill… and stains my mind. A close up of her face.

She's beautiful now. I still remember her name.

I stare at those pictures for I don't know how long before I hear Officer Swan coming down the stairs. He speaks up when I don't bother looking away from the photo, and asks me if I need anything, coming to stand beside me. He says, "That's my Bells," grabbing the frame I'll never forget.

He walks to the couch and I follow, sinking in on the other side.

We sit on the couch as he holds the frame and tells me about the girl with the brown hair that used to share her lunch with me.

He tells me about her mom and how he loved her more than he'd ever loved any woman, but they just couldn't make it work.

He tells me love is real. And even though both of these women are gone, he still believes that love is real.

Officer Swan tells me the opposite of everything my father has ever told me.

And looking at those pictures one last time before I go to sleep that night, I know that he's right.

Love does exist... but only in blurry, painful memories of my mother's eyes and in a frame that sits on Officer Swan's mantle.

I look up to the ceiling before drifting off, and I thank God that it was Officer Swan that pulled me over tonight and then I thank God that the one girl that could ruin me left so long ago.

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**A/N: Next up, another, older, Edward POV. Thank you so much for your follows, favs and reviews. Means the most. XOXO**


	19. Chapter 20

**Edward… 23 years old**

I'll be the first to admit it. Sex is a necessity. And at my age, sex is _mandatory_.

No matter how much I hate the idea of relationships and all that shit, that's exactly where I found myself two years ago, just after my 21st birthday.

My dad's new business partner had a daughter that was cute. She had brains, a nice body and she was into me. But the best thing about her? She was a safe bet.

I didn't have to treat her like shit to keep her away from me, because she was no threat. I didn't feel any type of weird feelings when I was around her, she never mentioned the L-word and I benefited from my relationship with her father.

Back when I first met them, I used to race whatever I could get my hands on… but when my Dad's clientele moved from dealership sales to contacts looking for luxury cars… that's when he partnered up with Davis Enterprises.

I met Brooke at the company dinner that night, where her dad drove up in a pearl white Bugatti and she stepped out of the passenger side looking like the sexiest thing, with her dark brown hair. She reminded me of a girl in a stolen picture frame, that I kept hidden in my room. I was instantly drawn to her. But, when I saw that car, there was no stopping me. I wanted to be behind that wheel.

So that night, I got to know Mr. Davis. We talked briefly about cars, racing and the sorts. Turned out, he was also a speed enthusiast just like I am and he knew about the underground racing scene. Ironically, he remembered me from a few of my past races. And that's when he agreed to turn over the keys to the Bugatti and let me take it for a spin.

I've never been more hard in my life, than sitting in the driver's seat of that fucking Bugatti. And in return for the kind gesture, I didn't fuck his daughter that night.

It was two weeks later, after we made a side deal that worked for both of us, that I fucked her. Right on the hood of that Bugatti as it sat in her daddy's garage.

So now, not only is my father in business with Mr. Davis, but I've sold my soul as well.

The rest is history… I gave Brooke the girlfriend title so I can get pussy without hassle. And okay, I do like her more than any other girl I've fucked before. But mainly, I like that I get to race luxury cars that most people don't have access to. And I get paid for doing it.

It's a two hour drive to where she goes to school, so I don't have to see her all the time, which is a good thing. I should have enough money saved to buy the car I want after these next two races, so I'm trying my fucking hardest to hold on.

She knows where I stand, though. It's not like you need a fucking book to read me, I've been honest from go.

And two years ago…when this all started, all I could think was what could go wrong? And now… everything is wrong.

This girlfriend shit is breaking me down. I know it's going fucking nowhere, and on top of that, I'm feeling trapped.

The second I break his daughter's heart, the easy money and the cars... it's all gonna be over. He'll cut me off.

So I'm just biding my time, accepting the late night phone calls I get from her while she's still at college, and saving every penny I have.

After my mom left, there was no one to coddle me and say the words I love you. So, there are times when the touching and hugging stuff feels foreign to me, and she gets it. She doesn't push.

But there are other times, when I pretend she's someone else, and it feels good. So fucking good it scares the shit out of me.

So I push that feeling far far away. Just like the times when I try to remember my mother's face and the way it felt when she held me, except it's blurry. And not only that, there's something there, in those reflections, that's so damn deep and painful that I dismiss it. Block it out.

Because love is such a fucking lie.

Or it's so true and painful that I want it to be.

The only memories I have of that word are in the frame I keep in a drawer and blurred memories of my mother that I'm not even sure are real anymore.

It's been so long, so many years.

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**A few weeks later...**

Charlie left me a message last week. Said it was important, he had something he needed to talk to me about and I didn't call him back.

I didn't stop by the other day, when I had the chance either. I was busy... I kept thinking, "I'll call him tomorrow, or I'll stop by tonight," and with all the shit going on between my job, my dad, my living situation and my goddamn girlfriend, I've just put it off.

And now, as I lean against a tree across the cemetery, I look on from a distance as people dressed in black hug and cry, each tugging a flower from the top of the casket before leaving.

I'll never know what Charlie needed to tell me now.

But I'll always know what Charlie told me while he was here.

And that's what makes this day the hardest for me.

Before getting to know Charlie, I didn't believe love existed. I didn't believe it was real, but Charlie consistently showed me what it was like to truly care for another person in the ways he cared for me through the years.

I watched him go from Officer Swan to Chief Swan and he watched me change none.

I can't count the nights I spent on Charlie's couch, on his porch, in his cruiser, listening to his comforting words of wisdom after he'd picked me up yet again and saved me from another charge or ticket.

Charlie never judged me.

He only ever showed me mercy and kindness.

Not only did he inspire me to be a better man, _though I'm not,_ he gave me hope.

Charlie showed me love.

And now? He's fucking gone too.

_People always leave. _

When I see the men close the vault and start to lower the casket, something inside me shatters, and for the first time in my adult life, tears fall from my eyes.

I can hear Charlie's words in the back of my mind as his casket lowers out of sight and it steals every breath I have.

I kept putting off becoming a better man, just like I put off calling him back... and now he'll never see the difference he made in my life.

He'll never know that I loved him.

And this is why that word has never appealed to me. It hurts. Who wants this kind of pain?

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**A/N: One more short Edward POV coming right up and then it's go time.**


	20. Chapter 21

**Six Weeks** **Later…**

I've never dealt with death before. I mean, my mother leaving was basically like a death, but she's not dead. I know in my heart that she's still out there alive… somewhere.

Six weeks of wishing I could have done things differently, said things I never said… six weeks of regret have gone by. Charlie deserved more from me. And now that his daughter is here, I'm even more of a mess.

When I passed her that day I thought my eyes must be playing tricks on me, but she came crashing right into my life to prove that theory dead wrong.

I don't know why I can't stop myself from being an asshole to her. I don't want to act the way I act. I don't want to treat her that way. It's just my nature... I figure I'll make her hate me to protect myself. _To protect both of us. _

But at the same time, I feel this duty to protect and watch over her. It's an impossible catch 22 I find myself in. Which is why I act so motherfucking crazy every time I'm around her. My brain tells me to act one way but my instincts reflect another.

Sometimes, I want to tell her how beautiful she's become and how much her dad meant to me, how much Charlie loved her, and fuck... I just wanna smile at her sometimes,and I do... but words spill out of me that speak otherwise and I just can't help myself. Out of habit, I slide into asshole mode and protect both of us by pushing her away.

That's the way it has to be though.

I'm not good enough for her anyway... she needs someone solid, like her dad... that will stick by her no matter how much hurt she delves out. She needs someone that isn't scared to love her.

.

.

.

**Present time… he's just peeled out of the diner**

I look in my rear-view and watch as Jake Black walks straight to Bella.

He wraps an arm around her shoulder and a foreign feeling washes through me.

This strange sensation spreads in my chest. Tightening starts deep in my lungs and radiates out, tensing all of my muscles. White knuckles grip the wheel as tires spin faster and faster, carrying me further from their view.

The word _mine_ runs through my mind with each flash of his arm draped around her shoulder and I fight the urge to turn around, stalk back into diner and rip her from his dangerous hold.

What's she even doing with him anyway? Is she with that guy? How did I not know this?

It makes sense now.

Visions of her pulling from the clubhouse parking lot come to mind and I piece it together.

I don't know why I'm even questioning this. Works out better for me anyway. She's the one girl that could ruin me… if she _is_ with him, it will just be easier to keep her at a safe distance.

I can't ignore the feeling of jealousy rising up in me, though. So I press the gear shift up, popping the clutch, pushing toward the speed I need.

I may not be good for her but Jake Black is the last guy that she needs. Worry etches its way through my mind as Charlie's words echo back from the past.

.

.

.

**A/N: Okay guys… are you ready? Because here we go. From here, it begins! **

**I appreciate all of you who have hung onto each chapter and stuck with me through the thick of it, despite not knowing how this will end and with questions at that. I hope through different pov's most of your questions were revealed, but fear not if you still have looming questions. All will be answered in time. And there will be an HEA. For two people, at least. For those that have asked about ages... I've put them in the chapters but I know the details are sometimes easy to miss, so here ya go: Bella is 22. Edward is 23. Jake is 27 and Briggs is the same age as Jake. :D**


	21. Chapter 22

Hi everyone! Just here to tell you that I've made a tumblr with images and future teasers that go along with the story.

There is a huge teaser/spoiler tucked into the blog about half way down, I believe.

I hope all of you will enjoy this while I figure out how to deliver these next two chapters to you.

Just type exexboyfriend dot tumblr dot com into your browser.

Remember to replace the word "dot" with a period instead, ffn doesn't let me post links, so I had to type it out.

Thanks for all your kind reviews and for every follow, fav, tweet, tumble and facebook.

Have a great weekend

xoxo


	22. Chapter 23

When it's dark out, Alice and Ang drop me off and I rush inside, peeling my clothes off, searching for a more comfortable choice. I throw on a hoodie, some soft shorts, my high tops, and I quickly slide out through the back.

Hopes of seeing Briggs tonight send flutters through my belly as I walk through the backyard.

Touching the velvet irises as I pass, I come to the pine fence. The redwoods and sycamores tower above me as I push open the creaking gate. I follow the stepping stones through the mulch and pad down the trail that leads me to the familiar home so similar to my own.

This has become my normal routine. I hate sleeping at my house alone, so lately I've been making the trek to hers instead.

I don't knock, I walk right in, and Jess is already there, expecting me.

Excited to see me, she jumps up, pulling me into a hug and drags me by my wrist into the living room. She's talking fast, making excited hand gestures and she goes through animated faces while telling me how Seth came over with Briggs earlier.

Her light brown hair looks pretty tonight, it's styled and shiny and her smoky blue eyes dance with wonder as she talks.

"Bella. Have you _seen_ how hot he is? How did I never notice him?" Her eyes are big and her smile is wide.

She's amped on him... _major_.

And Seth is cute, I'll give her that. He looks a lot like Jake, except younger. Tall and lean, with a sweet face, a polarizing smile and dresses like a modern day greaser from the fifties- like he's cooler than anyone else on the block.

"When they came in, Seth just stood there, staring at me with a smile on his face, while Briggs went upstairs. I didn't even know what to do with myself!" She bounces up and down in her seat as she finishes.

I laugh at her, "So what did you do?"

"I said hi to him and smiled. I didn't know what to say."

"Okay, then what?"

"Then he walked over to where I was sitting and sat beside me, calling up to Briggs, asking him where he'd been hiding this beauty."

"Reminds me of someone."

"Who?"

"Jake." I say to her, smirking at her with a look that says, I told ya so. "They all seem to have that easy confidence about them."

"I don't think Seth is anything like Jake."

"How do you know, Jess? Do you even actually know him? Or just the stories you've heard of him? Sometimes, I feel like he gets a bad wrap. The only Jake I know is a sweet, kind hearted guy."

"I don't know. I mean, yeah. I've heard stories, and I guess you're right. That's all I know. But back to Seth, we're talking about Seth."

She's electric right now. But this is how Jess gets about any guy she likes. She's one of those that falls fast and hard, which always makes me skeptical, but I don't let on that I feel that way. Why spoil someone's fun with a shitty attitude.

She continues on, how Seth took her hand and rubbed his fingers over hers when he introduced himself. I listen on as I think about how shocked I am that she's stooping to my level of interests. She's been on some next-level judgery towards me lately, so this new attraction comes as quite the surprise.

Sometimes, I can tell by her tone, that it bothers her when I hang with Alice and Angela so much. And Rose? I think Jess hates her. She's never liked how close Briggs is to his inked crew either.

She's always been more of the preppy, straight-laced type. Never takes risks, only likes the monotone types… no ink, no bad-boys, just the basic bitches in the realm of guy world.

Jess's type thus far has been the serious, boring, college graduate. The type that falls fast just like she does. Basically, Jess's type is the exact opposite of mine. I like a good chase, someone to keep me interested and on my toes.

So this news is surprising, but it's good. She needs some spice in her life. I guess I must be rubbing off on her, which makes me equally as excited about that as I am scared. Jess is kind of my rock right now... my only friend that I know will give it to me straight and keep me in line.

As she goes on about how Seth smiled at her and reached for her hand before he left, I wonder to myself what Briggs has to say about this. And just when she squeezes my arm with excitement and squeals, we hear a rumble, quickly moving closer. She grabs my hand pulling me up…"Come on. Let's go upstairs before he gets here."

"Okay, but we have to come back down in two hours, the meteor shower is tonight, remember? This is the best one of the year." I've been looking forward to this one for awhile.

"Kay." She isn't even listening to me. Seth is all she hears.

We go up to her room, shutting the door, and though I'm happy to be here, listening to her fantasizing over Seth, my mind won't quit sending interruptive signals that Briggs has just come into the house. So it's hard to concentrate on Jess's lust rant.

She falls back onto the bed still dreamy-eyed, "You should've seen the way he looked at me Bella," she grabs her chest and stares up at the ceiling.

I know that love stoned feeling. Because I have it when I think of Briggs. And how he looks at me. How I look at him. How he sounds, smells, looks, walks, talks.

I also have that feeling when I think about Jake's dimples and pretty eyes, and how he calls me Angel.

But not the same way everything becomes static when I think about Briggs, or when I'm with him even.

As far as Jake goes, everything was great when we started.

I had this girlish, child-like infatuation with him. The danger and bad-boy persona he carried just added to that appeal, which ultimately left me enamored with him.

But after these last few weeks, he's becoming more elusive. Spending less time with me, more time doing what he does— which I have zero clue what those things are, because he tells me nothing about club stuff. Briggs doesn't really ever tell Jess or me any details either... nothing that would ever compromise their club anyway, so I'm not only left in the dark, but I'm beginning to feel like I might be more into him than he is me.

Which, oddly makes me like him _more_.

Even though I equally like two other boys—the boy that wears black and white and ignores me when I'm with Jake, and the boy with wild hair and a speed fetish.

I pick myself up off of the carpet and climb onto the bed next to Jess, telling her to tell me again how Seth looked at her.

.

.

.

Two hours later, when I hear Jess's breathing turn to light snores, I turn the tv down and search the floor for my shoes. I wonder if Briggs will be on the couch when I get down the stairs.

He doesn't come home every night… but when he does, I happen to be here. And we always end up on his bike.

Midnight bike rides have become our thing.

We don't talk, we just ride. And when he parks, I get off and go home.

But with each ride, I hug him a little tighter, lay more of myself against him and I might've let my head lay on his shoulder for about three minutes last night— tucking my nose and lips into the side of his neck, where his inked black patterns weave their way to his jaw line and stop there... where he's most beautiful. He just holds on, standing still, breathing deep, pretending like a hug is supposed to last this long. We both know it isn't. It's just hard letting go.

It's been weird between us lately.

If we see each other out, like at The Clubhouse, it's different.

And though it hasn't been discussed by either of us since that day in the kitchen, there's something in the air when he ignores me that sends signals that I should do the same.

So I do.

We just have this unspoken thing, where we're associates by day, friends by night. And so far, that's working.

I get the feeling that both of us know without having to say it, that this is the only way it can be between us for now, so we take it.

I also feel that with every bike ride I take during the night, it gets harder to ignore him during the day.

.

.

.

I pull the covers over Jess and quietly slide out of her room, stopping into the bathroom quickly to check my appearance. My hair is tucked into a bun on top of my head and my oversized hoodie hangs low. I have pajama shorts on, and I don't even care if they're revealing. Serves him right for being shirtless most of the time.

When I reach the dark stairs a little spark of nerves flare up as I take each step down.

When I round the corner, he's there, on the couch— his long legs stretched out in front of him, one boot on the floor, one on the coffee table.

He looks up from his phone, to me and smiles. "Hey, pretty girl."

"Hey."

"What's up?" He tucks his phone in his pocket. Giving me all of his attention.

"On my way out. Might hang in my backyard for a bit, check out the meteor shower. They're supposed to peak in about thirty minutes."

"Is that an invitation?"

I just smile wide at him, like _come on_.

There's no tension here, no more nerves and there's nothing wrong. Everything is right. This night time friendship we've formed is warm. And it's good.

He stands up, digging in his pocket and with his keys in hand, he comes for me. "If I'm coming, your backyard is out. Let's ride... I know the perfect place."

"Where we going?" I ask him as I follow, closing the front door behind us.

He doesn't turn around as he answers, "Does it matter?"

I follow wordlessly, because he's right.

**A/N: ****See you in a few minutes with the next update :0) ****I review reply to all and I love every word you guys leave me. Thank you. And to yayitsme, I can't reply to you because your inbox is blocked, so thank you for all of your sweet words.**


	23. Chapter 24

With my cheek to his neck, and my chin on his shoulder, it feels exhilarating as we ride under a navy sky that glows bright with stars.

At least one star falls about every four minutes on the ride, sometimes increasing to a few per minute, but I can't catch them all while riding.

We ride deep into the hills and when he comes upon a large boulder off to the side, he pulls into the sand beside it.

After the bike is parked and we're off, I look up to the huge sky above. It's insanely beautiful and clear. A perfect night for this. The air is crisp, not cold… it's comfortable.

He takes my hand, tugging me towards the boulder— pointing to the place we're headed.

I carefully place my foot in the notches as he holds onto me. We climb on top of the smallest boulder that connects to the larger one.

The thought of Briggs most likely staring at my asscheeks hanging out of these shorts as he follows me from below, gives me a devious thrill. The thought of him seeing me, makes me wonder if I do to him what he does to me.

Once we reach the highest, flattest peak where we sit side by side, knees tucked to our chests, we take in the sky.

It's amazing up here, we can see it all. No city lights to interfere, just us, the desert, the moon and the stars.

I catch a glow skitter through the darkness and I point.

"Did you see that one?" I ask him with a smile on my face, noticing him staring at me.

"Nah. I missed it."

"Look over there, near the little dipper." I point above and to the right and he lays back, stretching his legs out, putting his hands behind his head.

I do the same.

We're quiet, just watching. Scared that our voices might scare the stars away.

Just then, a tiny yellow burst catches my eye and we both see it this time. Another, glowing white streak follows just seconds after and there's nothing more inspirational and wondrous. It's a feeling that fills me up and overwhelms. Happiness.

"Makes me think of Charlie." I say quietly.

"I was just thinking of my parents." He speaks up.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say and he sits up on his elbows, answering, "Of course," before looking back to me.

His face shines under the moonlight and his sheer beauty takes my voice for a minute.

"You have to be honest with me, okay? Promise the truth, no funny stuff, I want a real answer, deal?"

"Bella, I'll only ever tell you what's true." He says this with a serious face, his eyes burning into mine.

"Only what's true?"

"Yeah… what's true."

I look back out, lifting my head a little more to the right, noticing how this one star twinkles so much faster than the others.

"Where do you see yourself in the future, and don't laugh, I'm serious."

He chuffs. "Am I for hire now? Is this an interview?"

"No, I'm serious." I slide over just close enough that I can nudge him with my elbow. "You don't ever think about the future? What's going to happen to you, where you'll end up?"

"I think about that shit all the time. But, I just can't see that far ahead. Never been able to. I make goals, stick to them and just keep on."

He adjusts his watch and puts his other hand behind his head. "I mean, I know that I won't be doing this shit for the rest of my life. Won't be living here forever."

"So, you're gonna leave San An?"

"I can't stay in this town, Bella." He looks away. "It's so fucking suffocating sometimes. Plus, my grandfather's in New York, deteriorating as we speak. Pretty sure I'll be getting out of this town sooner than later."

My heart is sinking by the second but I take advantage of this and ask another question, "What's wrong with him?"

"He's dying. Cancer. Chemo and radiation pretty much killed his brain. So on top of cancer, he's got dementia too. He might not even remember me by the time I get out there, but I've got shit I have to take care of here before I can just take off, you know?"

I nod at him, "Briggs, I'm so sorry."

He speaks immediately over me, like he doesn't want my sympathy. "I'm named after him, you know?"

"No… I don't know." I smile at him as another trail of stardust falls over the desert sands. "What's your whole name?" I ask him.

"First off, two rules. What we say here, stays here. And only what's true."

"Got it."

He smirks at me, "Brigham Elijah Hendry. The third."

"Brigham." I smirk back over at him. "I like that."

He smiles, picking up a small pebble, tossing it off to the side.

"So you're leaving." I say this in a defeated tone because that's exactly how I feel. The thought of him leaving, leaves _me_ with no air.

"I'm not leaving right now, but I will eventually. I don't have much of a choice. Besides a few annoying cousins, Jess, and my aunt Tanya, he's really the only family I've got left. My grandmother died a few years back and I haven't been to see him since. I need to go help with his estate and be there for him before he's gone and I don't have that opportunity anymore." He shifts a little and continues, "Plus, with all the heat right now, it's just what's best."

"For how long?"

"I honestly don't know. However long it takes, I guess."

We're quiet for a few minutes while that sinks in and the sky continues to fall on us.

"So when you said this town was suffocating, what'd you mean by that?"

He grabs another pebble, tossing it off the edge. "I think everyone has a capacity for bullshit and I've been over capacity for about a year now. It's changing me in a way I don't like."

"I don't understand."

"It's not important." He steers the conversation, " I've got a question for you now. And same rules apply to you...only what's true."

"Only what's true," I repeat back to him. "I don't have any reason to lie to you, Briggs."

His face is stone when he speaks, "Do you love him?"

"Who? _Jake_?" I look at him a little surprised that he's asking me this, so I'm smiling at him, but he isn't smiling back.

"No. Far from it."

I switch positions to get more comfortable, the hard boulder underneath is only separated by the thin sheath of my shorts and panties, hard and rough beneath me.

"I like Jake. I like him a lot. He's kind, he's sweet and I'm attracted to him, but that word has never even crossed my mind when I think about him."

"What about you? Are you with anyone? Is there someone that you love? And only what's true, _your words_." I give him a pointed look.

"That was three questions. Which one do you want answered, because you're only getting the answer to one of those."

"Okay, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No. My last relationship ended about nine months ago."

I quietly watch the sky before speaking up.

"Bad breakup?"

"I think it probably was for her, but for me it was a clean break. She was a bit of a wild card, a little more than I bargained for. Well, you know how she is. You know her."

"Who?"

"Rose."

"Holy shit, she's picking me up tomorrow, are you serious?" I had no idea. And Rose and I have been hanging a lot lately. She hasn't mentioned this. I mean, I noticed how she looked at him before we went out to that party that night, but damn. This is news.

He's silent while I contemplate this new info. She's gorgeous, it just makes sense that they would hook up.

"Did you love her?" I've gotta know.

"I wouldn't say that I loved her. I cared about her. Still do. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I mean, I still look out for her from far away. I just couldn't keep her under control. She's all over the place, and for someone like me, that's a liability. I don't have time for that shit. She gets loaded and goes from zero to sixty quicker than a kawasaki."

"I think Rose is fun. We've actually gotten pretty close, but I had no idea that you two had history."

"I wouldn't call it that, but back to Jake. I asked you that because I've felt a little shady about our conversation weeks ago."

I pull my hoodie over my legs and cross my ankles. "It's cool, I understand."

"He's not a bad guy. I want you to know that. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea that night."

"No, I know."

"He's had a rough go. I get what makes him tick— why he is the way he is."

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean that most of the shit he did when he was younger, he did out of misplaced anger towards his dad."

"What did his dad do to him?"

"He used to beat the shit out of him. Since he was a small kid. He'd get drunk, pick on him, pick a fight. Whatever he could do to take his frustrations out on Jake, he'd do it."

"That's awful."

"Jake was a twisted kid because of it. He held it all in, just letting it build, like a pressure cooker. He'd pick fights with guys just to let the steam off when it got to be too much, but for the most part, he just carried it. And no one knew about it."

"I can't believe my dad was friends with a man like that."

"Your dad was a friend to everyone, Bella."

He reaches for my finger and twirls his pinkie around mine. Comforting me.

"When Jake got old enough— big enough to take him, he did. And that was the end of it. Jake was finally able to release all that pent up frustration, anger and hate onto the one person that it was truly meant for. But by that time, it was too late. Jake had burned so many bridges that he didn't have a good name in this town. Never would. He's a good guy. He's made some mistakes, but he isn't a bad guy. But aside from that, I still worry about you when you come around. Even after I told you how dangerous it is… you still come around."

My teeth start to chatter as I speak, "I don't feel in danger there, Briggs. And sometimes I just wanna have fun."

Briggs sits up just then, looking at me with his arm held out. "Come here, you're shivering."

I scoot over and nestle into his side as he puts his arm around me and pulls me back, where we're laying side by side.

The leather of his jacket is cold and I almost ask him to take it off so I can feel his body heat, but he beats me to it. He sits us both up, taking it off and putting it over my legs.

His strong arms tuck me back into his side and I smile as tiny flutters of happiness and contentment fizz through my veins.

This is the most intimate that we've ever been, laying side by side, hugged up like this. I guess since we've discussed this invisible barrier of friendship that we're supposed to keep, it's easier to touch each other, talk to each other and be close to one another under the guise that it's all platonic, but to me, I know it's different.

I love his warmth, his breath, his smell, his everything.

I exhale and let out a sigh of comfort.

"That good, huh?"

"Yes. You're so warm."

"We can go, it's just gonna get colder and you're pretty much naked from the waist down."

"Are you kidding me? We're sitting on the boulder of truth. We're not leaving here until I know everything about you."

He laughs and it shakes me beside him, making me smile.

His hand tucks my arm closer into his side and he brings my chin up to look at him.

"We don't have to be _here_ to say what's true. I'll never lie to you, Bella. About anything."

My cheeks flame at the closeness.

I'm colder now and his warmth is addictive, and so I bring my legs into his.

"Is this alright?"

I ask him, looking up.

"It's more than alright. It's so alright that it's almost wrong."

"I'm sorry." I start to inch away.

He grabs tight, not letting me move.

"Don't move. Just stay."

I do what he says and we lie in silence, watching the stars dart back, forth and across the sky.

His fingers gently rub my arm and I get more comfortable by the minute, my body becoming more alive by the minute.

We watch as streaks of light burst through the sky and I can't help but feel thankful for this moment. From the side of his ribcage, I can feel Briggs' beating heart. And it's everything. His breathing is even, as mine speeds up, along with my heart rate. The thought that I could climb on top of him right now and test everything sounds loudly in my mind. The want to feel him that way is strong, but the thought of messing up what we have is more terrifying to me than not making a move, so I don't.

I don't think I could handle his rejection.

So I ask him another question instead.

"Do you want kids?"

"Of course."

"Me too." I point to Orion"s belt and continue, "But I'm like you, I can't see that far ahead. I just know I want it one day."

He puts his hand up to mine as I point to the sky. We place our hands palm to palm and he lets each of his fingers drape over my own… showing me how much bigger his hands are than mine.

"You've still got a lot of time, Bella. But me? I remember years ago, thinking that I wanted a kid more than anything. A family to come home to. The american dream. Money, a family… the good life. But that's just it. In my line of work, there are days that are uncertain. I won't make the mistake of bringing a kid into my world, just to get locked up, or killed. Leaving them behind like I was left. I don't wish that on anyone, much less a son or daughter."

It's dark up here on this boulder, but there's enough light from the moon for me to see the silhouette of his face, the moon shining on his lips, nose and cheeks and the twinkle in his eyes.

"That's a pretty sad way to look at it, I mean... all of us are gonna die at some point, Briggs. Not just you?"

"Not everyone ups their chances of death three-fold, on the daily like me, Bella."

"I don't understand it. I mean, what is it that's so dangerous about The Clubhouse? What's so dangerous about your day-to-day that you risk a happy future? You risk love, you risk it all, Briggs?"

Just then a bright meteor arcs horizontally through the sky, and we momentarily stare in silence. Our heads are lifted, we're propped on elbows now, searching the sky... in awe of how the entire horizon just lit up with that one. Scared to speak, because it might happen again, but our voices could tilt everything.

After a few minutes of silence pass, Briggs looks over to me and puts a piece of my hair behind my ear and then touches my cheek, smiling at me. "I think you're alright, you know that?"

"Just alright?"

"Yeah. You're alright with me."

He jumps up standing above me with his hand reached out to me. "We better roll so I can get you back without frostbite."

"That's not fair. You changed the subject and deflected so you didn't have to answer my question."

I grab his hand and he pulls me up as we look out one last time before descending.

We ride as the sky showers us with stardust and I hold on tighter than ever before. His words about leaving sit heavily on my chest.

.

.

.

He pulls to my front door this time instead of taking me back to Jess's and walking me. After he helps me off, he walks me to the door and when I get it unlocked, he asks me a question before I go in.

"So, tell me what's true right now?"

I look at him and tell him the only thing that really is true right now.

"I don't want you to go to New York." I lean against the doorframe and ask, "What's true for you right now?"

"I want you to smile for me." And he smiles, waiting.

So I do.

And he comes close, sending my heart into what feels like spirals, bringing his soft lips to my cheek. Stopping just where the corner of my lips meet. It only lasts a millisecond, but I feel more awake now, than ever before as I watch him turn to leave.

I climb the stairs of my empty house and grab my phone, lit up with texts from Rose.

**beach tomorrow, I'll pick you up at 11am.**

**oh! talked to my guy… he's got the good stuff ready to go for the drag this weekend.**

The drag… a once exciting plan to dethrone Edward as the king of Bella mind games, doesn't seem so thrilling anymore after being with Briggs tonight. Each time I'm around him, I feel a little more of myself falling for him. Knowing that he's focusing on getting out of this town means that I need to set my sights away from him though.

I just don't know how to pretend that he's not always on my mind.

I need distractions.

Story of my life.

I send Rose a text that I'll see her tomorrow and peel off my clothes, wrapping myself in sheets, hoping for sleep to take me and that my dreams will give me a Brigham Elijah Hendry that I can actually have.

.

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.

A/N: I'm spiffing up the next chapter right now. I appreciate every word, and hey, if you want visuals and a spoiler or two visit the tumblr blog for this story at exexboyfriend dot tumblr dot com


	24. Chapter 25

**Warning: If drug use offends you, please stop here. While drug use will not be a major part in this story, there will be moments like this chapter and the next that contain this type of material. If drug use offends you, please stop here.**

* * *

I slept so hard that I didn't hear Rose break in. She woke me straddling me, with a slushy in each hand, after climbing through a window downstairs.

I watched her from atop the kitchen counter, as she poured a few inches of bacardi in each slushy, while I peeled a banana, looking on with sleepy eyes, wondering what positions she'd done it with Briggs in.

I couldn't get the picture of the two of them having sex out of my head.

I even dreamed about it.

I sipped my slushy in the shower while Rose talked on the phone, on the toilet beside me.

I could hear her setting our "stuff" up for tomorrow night at the Drag. She wants us all to go hard at the race tomorrow night. I'm down for it. I'm gonna need it to be around Jake, Edward and Briggs at the same time.

.

.

.

Yesterday went by in a blur. Not only did we get white girl wasted, but Rose and I dropped acid as well.

After our day on the beach, we rode in Rose's little red Mercedes, around Venice Beach with sun-kissed shoulders and the top down.

With our slushies long gone, we took our time, grabbing drinks, stopping at different shops in between, sharing cotton candy and a I found a cute crocheted top that's soft and revealing and I love it. Rose found a black tank that says 'SAY PERHAPS TO DRUGS' which she immediately put on over her bikini top. She also found these spiky goggles that I thought were atrocious, but she loved them and wore them the rest of the night.

On the way back from Venice, Rose stopped by her guy's house and picked up the stuff for the weekend.

Before leaving, she poured a heart shaped white trail of powder on his table, taking it all in one go. Said it would sober her up for the drive. Not that I was even thinking about the drive back, but in retrospect, I guess that was better than worse.

About twenty minutes into our drive, Rose reached into her pocket and held up a tiny paper square with a mini heart on it. "Open your mouth and stick out your tongue," she smiled, with her finger raised, a tiny square on the tip. I opened and took it on my tongue, before she placed another on her own.

Teeny tiny squares sat on our tongues as we drove— minute by minute dissolving, leaving no taste behind.

The music was up, pouring over us both, as we sped towards San An.

And it felt fucking great until it didn't.

I'd never done acid before, so I had no idea what to expect, but when we were headed down the highway and the yellow and white lines on the sides of that black road started to stack on top of one another, making a wall of lights that we were driving through... I suspected that it had kicked in.

Street lights suddenly glowed neon bright colors, everything became more vivid, more alive and all of my senses were working together at this newly hightened pace that I felt overwhelmed to keep up with... so I immediately tensed up.

While I enjoyed the 3-d vividness of it all visually, and I loved the way the music sounded, how my skin felt, I didn't really like the tension I felt inside. My muscles all contracted together.

Being wide the fuck awake, but drunk as fuck and hallucinating at the same time wasn't a feeling my body was used to.

After we parked in my driveway, It took me at least twenty-five minutes to get the fucking door unlocked because the keyhole wouldn't be still.

Rose even tried it for a few minutes before going around to the window that she'd climbed in earlier.

I didn't even notice she had left, or was already in the house, nor did it compute that I spent twenty minutes trying to get in my house when she was already inside and could have let me in.

She didn't realize it either until I walked in and she saw me. "Holy shit," she said, and we both just started laughing hysterically.

She'd already made a drink.

We were completely fucked out of our minds.

Later on, after Rose helped me relax a little more into it... helping me understand how to think... I finally settled into a more relaxed state.

We ended up making way more noise than we probably should have in the backyard, blowing glow in the dark bubbles all over, chasing them around.

Every time we tried to get on the hammock it was a total fail, so we just lied underneath it instead.

Around 4 am we tried to play Grand Theft Auto, but that was useless, my road kept melting and she could only drive from one side of the road to the other.

We ended up back outside and finally made it into the hammock with three joints and my iPod to share. We finally started to come back down to earth, around nine am.

With the effects of the drug still washing through us, everything still looked pixelated and vividly colored, after sunrise.

Under the sun, my backyard literally looked like Super Mario World.

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The one thing that I couldn't go near last night was the back room at the end of the hall.

That room was alive and I could hear all of its contents breathing. Just reminding me that they're all still there, closed off and ignored.

I felt the scariest pull to that room and every time I made it to the door knob, the fear of the feelings I'd face if I opened the door, kept me from turning that knob.

Now, as I inch my way towards the daylight peeking from under that door, I'm finally facing that silent little alarm going off in my head every hour or so, reminding me that it's still there.

The room filled with contents that seem to be alive and calling to me.

I just want to shut it off.

I don't want to think about it, but it's not quieting. It's not going away.

I don't feel like opening up a fresh wound. I'm just not ready. But the argument within, rages on. My intuition screams that there are things in that room that I need to see.

Things I need to know.

And so I creep slowly towards the door, one foot in front of the other until I'm standing in front of the room full of Charlie's things.

My fingers grip the cold brass knob and as I start to turn it, I hear Rose yelling from one floor above.

I release the knob and quietly walk back towards the stairs.

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When I reach her she's hanging her dripping wet head out of the bathroom door. "You're out of conditioner, got anymore?"

I tell her no and I feel a little bad for using more than I should when I showered before her. I wasn't thinking about it, I was too busy looking at the water cascading down, little tiny rainbows of color still popping through. I loved feeling how the warm water melted over my skin, each drop caressing and massaging my body.

Everything is still so amplified. Colors, sounds, touches.

Feelings.

Fears.

Thoughts.

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We both get dressed and head to the Stop and Spend.

By the time I pull in the parking lot, Rose is passed out in my passenger seat.

I'm starting to feel sleepy as well, being that it's 11 am and we haven't been to bed yet. I'm still hallucinating a little, but I'm not fucked up, so the drive here wasn't bad.

I trail the aisles for things I know I need, grabbing a cheap bottle of conditioner, some Tylenol and a nutty buddy bar.

I hear the door ding as I bend to grab a pack of gum. Towards the end of the aisle I scan over the five hour energy bottles, contemplating whether I should just stay up or go home and crash.

I grab a bottle anyway.

When I turn the aisle, I hear a familiar voice and when I look back, I see a familiar face, but I keep walking, giving him a quick smile over my shoulder as he finishes his conversation with the clerk.

I'm standing at the cold section with the door open, perusing the Coke's, Sprites and Gatorades, trying to decide which one I want, when I feel him behind me.

His finger reaches over my shoulder, drawing a heart into the condensation on the glass door beside me and it makes me smile.

His hand touches my waist, reaching around to my stomach, pulling me back against him and it sets my skin on fire… the remnants of last night's drug still making my senses soar.

His lips touch my ear, and I lay back against him, smiling wide. "Hey, Angel."

"Hi," I smile out to him, turning… wanting to see his pretty eyes.

"I wanna see you tonight, I've missed you." He takes a toothpick from his mouth, bending to kiss my neck, my throat, my heart. It makes my blood pressure pound. It feels good but makes me a little dizzy.

"I'm going to the Drag with Rose tonight." I tell him as he laces my collarbone with one last kiss.

"No shit?"

"Yeah," I giggle at him as he pulls back, studying me… surprised. "No shit." I repeat back.

"That's perfect." He quickly kisses me on the lips, clearly happy about it.

"Come on… let me get this stuff for you." He pulls everything from my hands, puts the toothpick back in his mouth and turns away, taking everything to the clerk at the front, ringing it up and paying for it.

"You didn't have to do that." I say over to him, feeling flattered but a little odd at the same time.

I didn't exactly bet on Jacob Black ringing up my conditioner at the Stop and Spend this morning.

And I hope my pupils still aren't the size of saucers.

He grabs the bag in one hand and my waist in the other, walking me towards the door.

We stop beside my car and I reach for the paper bag he placed on my hood, grabbing the coke out of it.

"So, I'll see you tonight?"

He stands there under his shiny black hair with a toothpick hanging from the corner of his mouth, looking down at me, just waiting on my yes.

Like I'd deny him, but I hesitate for the sake of the game.

I blink a soft nod while stretching a sweet smile at him and watch him back away.

He's got the answer he wants, time's up.

**A/N: Full circle, folks, we've reached the prologue (which I won't be repeating for the sake of boring). Check the tumblr blog for updated images for each new chapter :D**

**Next chapter, we'll see Edward, Jake and Briggs. And it's gonna be messy. Love you all for the continued support and every touching word you leave. Thank you to the moon.**


	25. Chapter 26

Rose is standing in front of my closet, one hand flicking through the shirts and skirts, her other hand holding a pop-tart.

"I don't think you're gonna like anything in there." I tell her as I twist the ramen onto a fork, bringing curly noodles to my mouth.

I watch as Rose slides each hanger to the side, and I'm glad that I've already got the perfect outfit picked out for tonight.

She holds up a white tank top, spinning around to me. "Can I cut the bottom half of this off?"

I slurp a few noodles into my mouth wondering where this is going. "Sure."

She walks over to her bag, pulling a black mesh crop top out of it. "Scissors?"

I hold up a finger, placing my bowl on the nightstand and head downstairs.

The faint scent of weed still laces the living room from the joint we smoked earlier. We both crashed for a few hours right after... a much needed nap. When we woke up we were both so hungry that we ate everything in the kitchen that wasn't nailed down. So, no more weed for me, it makes my appetite crazy.

As I enter the kitchen I toss a pizza box, some ramen packages and two pop-tart wrappers in the trash and then I dig through a few drawers to no avail.

After perusing the console table in the living room, I realize the only other place that the scissors would be is Charlie's office. Most likely tucked in there along with all of the memories that I've tried to avoid seeing. Like his shotgun for one. His police badge and jacket. His files. All of the things that have been put away, out of sight, out of mind.

I walk down the hall and approach the door, turning the knob slowly, taking a deep breath and exhaling.

The sun's rays filter in through the blinds, making the room bright and open. It's not a dreadful room full of dark sad things like I've been visualizing since the day I shut the door. It's just a quiet room, with white walls, filled with office furniture, medals of achievements, stacks of files, and a closet full of Charlie's things.

On my walk over to the desk, I spot a picture of a much younger me with Charlie. It touches me with happiness, bringing a smile to my face.

A post-it note falls to the desktop as I peruse the shelves above and when I go through the middle drawer, I find tons of things, none of which are scissors.

Pulling open the side drawer, I push aside a stapler, a few pens, and a San An P.D. coaster. There's a yellow notepad there and I lift it, looking underneath… my eyes landing on a large pair of scissors.

As I close the drawer I'm drawn to the writing on the yellow pad. I open it back up, enough to see the entire page.

A date is scribbled just above a name, which Charlie wrote in all capital letters, and I notice the date written in the corner is recent, just two weeks before he died.

There are a few random phrases written around the page, a large arrow pointing to another date, February 15, 1992, and a few names of places scribbled to the side.

But it's that name that my eyes are drawn to.

Written in black and underlined in the center of the page:

ESME CULLEN

I think about what this name and these dates, places and phrases mean for a moment before closing the drawer, touching the picture of me and Charlie and turning to leave.

There are only so many people with that last name, and only one set, in particular, that live in this town.

Edward Cullen and our last conversation swirl through my mind as I climb the stairs. It would be so much easier if he could just be normal. If I could just walk up to him and carry on an easy conversation. If he didn't continually put up a wall.

But he's _not_ normal and we've really _never_ had an easy conversation.

So, I stick with my original game plan and hope for the best tonight.

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The top is down and Rose is driving. We're following behind a brigade of people. Alice, Angela, Saki and Mike are in the car in front of us, a few more of Angela's friends, Emily, Sykoria and Julie, ahead of them, and Jacob's crew in front of them.

Brigg's absence doesn't go unnoticed by Rose nor me, but neither of us let on about it. The vibe is sunny and super mellow and our playlist is basically perfect.

I smile at the two clowns in the backseat ahead of us.

Saki is turned around mouthing lyrics, throwing his hands like a rapper, a mean mug on his face. Mike is mooning us. They're idiots.

I laugh as Rose flips them off over her steering wheel.

When we've been on the road for almost 30 minutes, euphoria finds its way from the tip of Rose's finger onto the tip of my tongue. This time in the form of a round pink tablet with a lightening bolt stamped into it.

Ecstasy was always around back home, but I never took any, so I'm curious to see what it will feel like. Rose assures me that it's nothing like what we took yesterday. She says it's one hundred percent chill and all love. So, I wash it down with strawberry soda and lie back in the passenger seat.

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About half way there, we all pull off to the side of the road.

We stretch out, taking pictures of the beautiful hills, the picturesque sky.

The guys horse around and have a drink before getting back on the road. Rose and I aren't drinking, we're both too high on euphoria to even think about alcohol. I love it. I love Rose, the sun, the sky, the hills, the Mercedes, this trip. I love everything right now.

Jake hugs Rose and whispers something in her ear, smiling and then he comes up to me. I circle around, jumping on his back, and he runs holding onto my butt making me bounce high. I laugh as he spins me around and brings us to a stop at Rose's car.

He looks good today as always, still wearing what he had on earlier, a look that I love, but something's a little different now. He's not leaning in for kisses and he's not as handsy. A distinct change in chemistry... I dunno. More of a friend vibe between us this afternoon, not like we normally are.

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Rose talks about how hot Jake is on the ride. She begs me for the sex details and I give her all of them. Jake's not extraordinarily large or long, he just knows how to fuck. Among other things. Which I tell her all about as well.

When she questions me about our relationship, I tell her the truth. "We're just friends."

She lifts her shades and looks over to me. "So no feelings involved, just sex?" She asks in a surprised tone.

"Exactly." I pull a piece of gum from my bag, handing her one as well. "Girls' got it get it somewhere, right?"

She laughs, "How much longer you think that'll last before you catch feelings?"

"I can promise you that won't happen."

"Uh huh." She smiles a devious smile at me and blows a bubble, popping it quickly. "You just say the word and I'll take him off your hands."

I reach over and nudge her with my elbow. "Shut up, slutbag."

She continues to smile.

What she doesn't know is I couldn't be more certain about not being with him like that anymore. Besides my attraction to his looks, it's purely physical. Nothing under the surface. I know it's going nowhere with us. I just need one more kiss from him tonight, in front of Edward and that's all.

Rose turns the sound up and we both stretch our arms out, cutting our fingers through the wind. The beat of the music sinks deep under my skin.

This feeling. This music. The air.

Everything is good.

Rose turns to me with a huge smile, her hair blowing in the wind. "It's good shit, right?"

My face says it all, but I speak up. "It's _so_ good."

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The sky is aqua blue, illuminated from below by the sun, and sprinkled with puffs of neon pink and soft purples that float over us. We've driven so far into the golden desert sands that there isn't a thing in sight… just the setting sun, the sand, the hills and the drag set up in the distance.

We follow the line of cars ahead until we find a place to park.

I step out of the car, feeling so light and lifted— the energy outside, alive and vibrant.

I smile so high I feel it in my tummy.

Beyond all the parked cars, there are tents, racing trailers and people speckled all around. In the distance, there are two paved straight ways with barriers running along each side. I watch as two cars run side by side, one quickly pushing ahead of the other. The sounds of the engines roaring can be heard over the music playing.

As we approach, crowds of people are standing and sitting atop any surface around… talking and carrying on.

The music and the energy is crackling through, as the groups of people ebb and flow. People walking from tent to tent, hanging out, placing bets, people dancing, drinking, people camped out in chairs and on top of the trailers the cars came in. Coolers are open and music plays from huge speakers under a large makeshift screen, displaying different images that match the beat of the music.

The vibe is so alive.

We come to a designated spot among the crowds and behind us, there's a large trailer the guys are loading a white and red bike into.

Everyone's in a good mood, welcoming. I'm introduced to at least ten people right off the bat and they're all cool. Quil introduces me to Angela's friend, Emily, who smiles and shakes my hand. I like her immediately. Seth nudges me when he walks bye and winks. Alice points to the cooler and tells me there's waters, beers and sodas there for us.

I love it here. I love everything right now.

I look around seeing if I can spot Edward. I know he'll be here somewhere tonight and the tiny thrill of seeing him sits lightly in my stomach, flip flopping every few minutes or so.

The only thing that threatens my plans to put Edward Cullen in my pocket tonight, aside from the weird vibe with Jake, is Briggs.

He's here too.

He's two groups down, slapping grips and talking with the other guys. He's got a helmet in his hand, a large jumpsuit on… his hair's a little wild, not combed to its normal fashion. Looks like he might've just finished racing. I didn't know he was into that, but it fits.

Rose immediately notices him when she sees me looking his way.

Even with the euphoria running through me, I can still feel the tension in the air between Briggs and I. And I wonder if he can feel it too. It just sucks that we can't interact like we would normally. I'm sick of pretending. But he's not making any moves to end it, so.

I look at him until he can sense it, and lift my fingers in a wave, my eyes smiling bright because he brings that out of me.

But Briggs is being typical Briggs and he's doing what he does in public. He's paying me zero attention. So disconnected. So controlled.

Controlled, however, is not a word I'd use for Rose. She's all the way turnt up. I suspect that she took more than me, because while I'm a puddle of love right now, I'm not on her level.

The guys all go over to where Briggs is and I hang back with the girls. Emily comes over next to me and she asks where I'm from. We talk for a few minutes before we turn to the tracks and watch a few runs.

"Which one do you think will win this time?" She asks with a big bright expression. I like her pretty starry eyes.

"I'm calling the black one."

"Me too."

We watch as the black muscle car pulls up to the line and a yellow camaro pulls up beside it. When the signal is given, they take off and Emily grabs my hand as we watch in excitement.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Yes!" We both jump up and down like we won something. We didn't, but still.

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After Emily and I walk around a bit, we come back to our spot. I notice Rose massaging Briggs' shoulders. He's out of that suit he had on, back in his typical black attire, and he's got shades on, so I can't see his eyes but something about it bugs me.

I guess it's the fact that she can touch him like that but he's set boundaries with me, so I can't.

I'm kind of sick of his boundaries. And the last thing I want to do is watch Rose rub all over him, so... I decide to go find Edward.

I call her over and she says something to Briggs before walking my way. I feel jealous and I hate that feeling.

When Briggs heads off in the other direction with Chaz, we decide to get closer to the action.

I make sure to grab Jake and ask him to come.

We all walk in a group towards the roar. Rose is a live wire, flirtatiously curling her arm into Jake's as we walk. He doesn't pull away but acts like he likes it instead.

I feel so good right now that I don't even care.

After we watch a few races, I split from the group to grab a drink. The minute I get it into my hands, some guy bumps into me, spilling half of it on the ground. He's super apologetic and I'm all chill, so it's no big. He offers to buy me another and when I insist it's cool, I look up and spot Edward.

He's right across the way, propped against a vanilla colored car that looks foreign. It's sleek and curvy and looks like it cost more than a house. I've never seen anything like it before. It's beautiful. He's beautiful. His skin is more tanned than it was the last time I saw him, making his eyes look even lighter than they already are. He's smokin' hot. And so is the familiar brunette right beside him. It's a small damper but I'm not dissuaded.

He doesn't look at her as she speaks to him, but turns to get inside the car instead. I watch, still walking as he drives a short distance toward the strip and parks beside a blue tent.

I walk closer, inching towards my group, which happens to be right at the start line, across from the tent that Edward just went in.

Jake and Seth are ahead of us counting their money, in deep discussion over what bets they're gonna put down. Rose is beside me with Alice, giggling about how nice Jake's ass is and it's not too weird because nothing could really bother me right now, but at the same time, it's weird. Alice just looks at her and says, "Can we not?" Like she's completely grossed out at just the thought.

I look back over, keeping tabs on Edward, and he's still there, signing something, the other two drivers from the last run, are coming into the tent.

He looks good tonight. Really good.

I saunter up to Jake, who's paying no attention to the track right now. He's still sorting through money and talking with Seth about which of the bike's they're gonna bet on later. When I nudge him he opens his arm, bringing me into him. I snuggle up close… being as flirty as I can.

I notice Edward walk back to the pearly car and he pulls onto the track.

My stomach does flips as I watch him grip the wheel from the sideline.

A flashy metallic red car pulls alongside him blocking my view. A guy stands in the center of the two cars, preparing each driver by guiding them up to the start line, and then he points at each one, waiting for a nod that they're both ready.

Once the guy in the red car gives a nod, he raises two flags high on each side, above his head and holds them there for a beat before quickly lowering them to the ground. The second his arms descend and those flags touch the ground, tires screech and they're off.

The loud roar and the sight of those two beautiful cars flying down the lane sends my adrenaline pumping.

It lasts just seconds, but the pearl white car that Edward drives quickly accelerates to the finish, beating the red by at least three car lengths.

It feels thrilling to see him race and win. It's a total turn on.

When Edward's car turns off the track and heads back toward us, I decide to make my move.

I pull Jake to the side, walking closer to the blue tent that I know Edward is coming back to.

"What's up, Angel?" His speckled mint greens glance my way as his hands trail up my arms. Out of my peripheral I sense the white car coming closer and when it stops and I hear the door shut, I go for it.

I smile up to Jake and pull him closer to me, bringing my hand to his neck, glancing in the direction of Edward.

He's not looking at me, so I jump up, onto Jake, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Damn, girl." Jake grabs a hold of me tight and I lay a kiss heavy onto his lips.

Edward sees us just then, our eyes lock.

He's got on a white tee, and his blue button up billows as he stalks closer to the tent, eyes burning into mine. I flash a smile, through my kiss, over to him and I can see it physically take his breath.

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**EDWARD POV**

Filled with adrenaline and high off another win, I close the door, headed to collect yet another chunk of cash when I spot her.

The fact that she's just feet away from me, draped over Jake Black is blowing my mind right now.

It's hard to watch— a display that I wasn't prepared for— her legs hitched high, wrapped around his waist.

The sight alone sends shivers of rage through me.

His mouth is on hers, and her eyes, like two sharp fangs, are piercing into my own.

When I see the gleam in her eye, it's clear what she's doing.

I've met my match.

Like a quick punch in the gut, there's no air in my lungs and I grasp for recovery… trying to come up with something. Anything.

I try to remain calm, and I keep my eyes on hers until I have to turn to collect my winnings.

When I pocket my money and glance back in their direction, her lips are no longer on his, but her hands are wrapped around him and she winks at me as if to say _game on_.

On the outside, I'm cool.

On the inside, I snap.

Of all the guys in this damn town... it's gotta be _that_ motherfucker?

A feeling something like coming unraveled washes through me and I can't hide the rage I feel. It's written on my face and I let my stare burn daggers through her.

The rivalry.

The need to possess her.

The need to push her away.

In this moment, I am insane.

I hear Brooke's voice coming closer, but I don't move. I challenge Bella to quit what she's doing through a look that communicates my ire.

She doesn't move away, but continues on, staring at me, a sweet seductive smile on her face while rubbing his back, kissing his neck. A little tiny wave of her fingers to me.

I can't fucking look away. And I also can't not.

Bella's played me at my own game and she held the ace while I just stood and watched her throw that motherfucker on the table.

Brooke catches me staring and I'm sure she notices the look on my face because she reaches up to me, asking me what's wrong.

I immediately flinch away. Walking off.

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I've scoped out the group she's with, and I've been able to follow them from across the tracks. I've caught her glances too. She's high on her victory over me, it's in her confident stare.

Unfortunately, there's not many places to hide out here in the open, but further out, away from the crowds, there are two large air conditioned trailers that have restroom stalls in them. Entrances on one end, exits on the other. I know she'll have to go soon, so I keep my eye out for her, just waiting to make my move.

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I see her break away from her friend, and she glances my way before she turns, walking away.

I set out immediately, pushing through bodies, following after her.

The goal is to make her mine, but my brain won't stop screaming that I can't have her, I'm not good enough for her. On one hand I want to whisper all the sweet things I think about her. On the other I want to say the dirtiest shit I can think of, after what she pulled back there.

As I come closer, I decide it doesn't fucking matter what I say. She obviously likes something about me if she's trying to get at me with that guy.

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**BELLA POV**

When I come out of the stall, I'm a little startled. Edward is there, standing in front of the entrance door, which he turns to lock.

The look on my face mimics the tension in the air. It couldn't be any higher… so thick it's hard to breathe, but I smile at him and say hello.

His eyes are wild, and his disposition non-chalant as he pockets his hands. I walk to the sink, looking at him and then back to the faucet letting the water rush over my hands.

He walks casually to the exit door, locking it as well, and then slowly, he saunters up behind me. My pulse picks up.

I look at my face in the mirror and see his cold eyes staring back at me. "You think I don't notice how you look at me, Bella?"

He's gotten sun from being out here today, his hair is shinier tonight, his eyes much brighter. Everything is starting to look a little softer, a glowy haze filter over everything.

I smile, because he's gorgeous and also, it's funny. He's played right into my hand. It's also funny because how have I been looking at him? Like he's a cherry popsicle? Like he's the devil? Like he's playing mind games with me for fun and now I've got one up on him?

"How do I look at you?" I give him an amused look as I pull a paper towel from the dispenser, drying my hands before tossing it.

"Oh, I don't know. Like you wanna wrap your lips around my dick every time you see my face?"

I turn around, leaning against the counter, staring up at him as he stands there, trying his best to get a reaction out of me.

It won't work though, because he doesn't offend me in the least, I know his angle now. That's what he wants. To provoke me. Push me to my limit so that I'll push him away.

"Is that what you think, Edward? That I wanna wrap my lips around your dick every time I see you?" I say to him in an amused tone, to which he's unaffected. He answers my question with one of his own.

"Is that guy you were with out there what you like? That's what turns you on?"

His finger reaches out to my shoulder, lightly caressing down my arm as he continues speaking softly, leaning closer with every word. "Did it turn you on, rubbing yourself all over that punk while looking at me?"

His finger lightly trails the inner crease of my arm and it not only feels erotic, it sends chills through me. My body reacts to him in a way I can't deny and I'm sure he can see through my top what he's doing to me right now.

When I look at him, I can feel the blush spread over my face. He's intimidating no matter what. Tall, handsome and sexy with his words. I like what he's doing, I don't know how to pretend I don't. But isn't that our game? One chases while the other runs?

"Are you trying get a rise out of me, Bella?"

He looks to me in question, his eyes burning. A feeling that he can read my thoughts at the moment burns embarrassment to the surface but at the same time a bigger picture unfolds.

Edward Cullen wants something from me or he wouldn't be here, locking us both in this restroom while our others are just outside. And either he hates that he wants me so bad that he can't control it, so he wants to push me away for good, or he wants me so bad that he can't take it any longer and has decided to show his cards.

Either way, one thing is clear. Edward Cullen wants me.

I watch his finger as he lightly touches me, and I find my voice. "Isn't that what you've been doing to me, Edward?" I look up to him in question. "I kissed my boyfriend, you saw. It's no big deal."

He chuffs with a dismissive laugh, his finger still moving where he guides it, from the sensitive crease of my arm, onto my naked torso, burning a trail around my belly button before settling like a hook into the waistband of my shorts.

"You're lying to yourself. What you did out there, while looking at me was deliberate. I saw through it, just like you saw through me that night at the party."

"So you're admitting to your mind games, then?"

He pulls me by my shorts until my waist meets his crotch. His large hand, spreads wide on my naked stomach, snaking around my side and up my spine as he presses me gently into him.

I feel nervous, excited, thrilled. Turned on.

"I'm not admitting to anything, I'm simply telling you that if you wanna get a rise out of me," He grabs my hand that hangs at my side, guiding both of our hands up my thigh as he brings them across my waist and out to his abs, slowly lowering over his belt, and onto his crotch, "Do it yourself, no more games."

His eyes are intense as he stares into mine, rubbing my hand over his length through his jeans.

My face is probably bright red but I don't pull away. He's hard. As a rock. And thick.

He softly grabs my neck, gently touching just under my ear and curves his hand around. His touch sends me pulsing. I'm dying to speed this up but want to pause right here, making this last forever.

He continues guiding my hand up and down over his length through his pants and he's fully erect and titanium steel.

I clench below at the thought of what I'm doing. He can have me right here.

Leaning into me, with his forehead to mine, he speaks while watching my hand stroke him.

"Is this what you've been looking for, Bella?"

He brings the side of his face against mine and I squeeze and relish in the feel of it.

"This right here?"

I pull his shirt up to feel his stomach skin to skin as he continues his slow, delicious seduction.

"I bet your boyfriend doesn't give this much to you, does he?"

He twists my hair around his hand, and pulls just until my chin tilts enough that he can run his nose along my throat. He traces from one ear to the other, pulling my body into his, pressing his hard into my soft.

"Does he fill you up and stretch you so wide that tears spill over but it feels so good that you ask for more?"

His words almost make my knees buckle.

He presses a soft kiss just under my ear, trailing his lips to the base of my throat. He delicately lays his tongue against my neck before placing a sweet, soft kiss there and then he brings my chin up to meet his eyes. "That's what you wanted the other night, huh? My tongue on your neck, not hers, right?"

I've got no voice. Just heat. All heat.

He lets go of my hair and places his hand on my neck, kissing my cheek softly before putting his mouth to my ear and speaking gently. "Does he bend you over and put his tongue on you, tasting you from the front all the way to the back? Tasting your rim, like you've always desired, but never been bold enough to ask for?"

He wins.

I'm completely defeated. He's won. Whatever this not-a-game is, he's won it. And I'm a livewire just dying for his kiss.

I latch onto him, grabbing his face from my neck, bringing his mouth to mine and we come together like forever has been holding us apart.

His open mouthed kiss falls so heavily onto my mouth that his top lip is above mine, and his bottom lip below my own. He doesn't just go in for a kiss, he goes in to devour me.

Once his hands meet both sides of my face, he's no longer rough like his words, but soft.

Almost a different version of Edward kisses me and it's so soft and sweet that my head spins. My heart lunges and my pulse pounds as his tongue lightly dances on mine, his soft lips pressing out sweet kisses between.

This feeling, this soaring adrenaline inside is so overwhelming, I don't want it to end. I don't ever want this kiss to end.

"So soft. So beautiful," his lips move from my mouth to my throat, across my collarbones and he picks me up, putting me on the counter, his hips between my legs, before his mouth meets mine again. "I've got to have you. I've thought about it so many times."

Just outside the door, I can hear people coming closer, their feet climbing the stairs and familiar feminine voices sound from the entrance door along with knocks.

He pulls back, pressing one last soft kiss, with his eyes wide open, and whispers. "How about you figure your boyfriend shit out, I'll figure my girlfriend shit out and we try this again?"

He backs away from me, touching my bottom lip with his finger to silence my reply before speaking again.

His eyes are serious and his tone matter of fact. "This isn't going away."

And then he looks in the mirror, running his hand through his wild hair, before speaking again.

"Don't go near him in front of me again."

And then he turns to the exit, unlocking it... leaving me here on the counter with a pounding heart and an aching need for more of his touch.

I listen as he steps outside and down the stairs, gone just as fast as he came.

There are girls outside knocking on the door so I hop down, turning to look in the mirror to see my smudged lips and I smile. I put my hand over my mouth holding in my excited squee and try to gather myself together before unlocking the door.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your honest feedback and reviews. Every word means something to me. I can't thank you all enough. Another big thank you to TLS and Nicficwhisperer for sending so many readers my way, I appreciate it.****So, this chapter was originally 10K words, which obviously posed a problem. I edited and edited it down and came to 7K words, which again, problem. So I'll be posting the other half of this chapter in just a bit, or by tomorrow. Thank you for all the love, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter and any theories you might have about the name Bella found in Charlie's office. I hoped you enjoyed reading Edward's attempt to capture Bella as much as I enjoyed writing it, and we'll see what's going on with Briggs next chapter.**


	26. Chapter 27

When I get back to the group, after seeing Edward, I'm so full of thrill and excitement from his words, his touch and that kiss, that I could shoot up to the sky like a rocket.

I find myself zoning out of the conversation, smiling every minute or so, holding my insides together at times, to tamp down the zings of that falling-feeling ripping through me at will.

It's that same feeling you get on a rollercoaster, after the climb and right when you get to the drop, that feeling you have when you come racing down, your tummy shooting straight up to your throat— the intense tickly feeling that threatens to take you over the threshold of excitement and burst you into tiny pieces, but it holds you right there just until your bubble is about to burst and then it lets go.

This is that feeling.

Over and over again, in tiny spurts, it continued to shoot through me every time I would even think of the look in Edward's eyes or the sound of his voice against my skin. The thought of the words that came out of his mouth, the trail of heat his fingers left on my body, the kiss. That damn kiss, I can't even.

.

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Edward left almost an hour ago, but my thoughts of him haven't slowed.

As Edward's seduction and his last words swam around in my head, I looked on as Rose clung to Briggs, as well as Jake. She's been making flirtatious rounds between the two of them tonight.

Between Edward being here tonight, paying attention to me for once in his life, and Briggs ignoring me, my emotions are everywhere.

Despite the new thrill of Edward Cullen, it's hard to ignore the jealousy when it boils up inside of me and it's only getting worse by the second. So, I take the other pill that Rose stuffed in my pocket when we got here.

Up from my toes, nice euphoric feelings rise like little tiny balloons through my system. And when the warm happiness starts to bleed out through my arms and down to my fingertips, I feel numb and happy again. Flooded with emotions and the nice warm feeling of the drug, I sit relaxed on the cooler I share with Emily, and watch as Briggs walks away from Rose and loads another bike onto a trailer, slapping the driver's hand and sending him off.

I look on as he makes his rounds, telling everyone bye, and I hear Jake saying he'll be right behind him. Jake turns to me just then, noticing my heavy lidded stare and comes to me, "Hey, angel?"

I don't speak, I just smile.

"You alright, doll?"

I tell him I've never been better.

"Hey, hey... " He puts his warm fingers on my neck and the touch feels good, but the it's coming from the wrong fingers. The kiss we shared earlier had about as much spark as a wet blanket. In fact, Edward Cullen's kiss put Jake's to shame. Edward's is right up there with the best I've ever had.

"Hey, what'd you take, you look wasted, babe." He looks at me, concerned.

I feel like everything is moving in slow motion when I look over his shoulder and focus in on Briggs. Jake waits for my answer but I'm waiting for Briggs to acknowledge me and just then, as if he can sense my stare, he meets my eyes.

It's a slow dismissal, but that's ultimately what it is. His glance lands sweetly at first and turns within a millisecond, to indifferent.

I grab Jake's hand, taking it from my neck. "I'm good, I'm good. I promise. I just took another pill."

He turns around surveying our group and then back to me. "We should probably get you girls out of here. Stay right here, I'ma round everyone up and we're all gonna head to the Clubhouse. He looks over to Alice, and asks her if she's good. And then he whispers to her to not let Rose give me any more "shit."

Alice doesn't judge me or Rose, she just lets us do our thing. And I love that about her. I also like how Jake is worried about keeping us safe. It feels good to be taken care of.

I overhear Jake tell Mike that Rose is wasted, and Mike offers to drive her car so I opt to ride with Alice, Ang and Saki.

Rose has been all over Briggs tonight. It's hard to watch, and despite the fact that I honestly don't care about her being all over Jake, it's still a little odd.

Jake smiles at her like he'd take her in a heartbeat when she rubs on him. She puts her mouth right on his ear when she leans in to tell him things, and I don't think he even considers me, _or Briggs_ for that matter. Not that he should consider _me_.

I'm such a fucking hypocrite.

It's just that Briggs mentioned to me once before that all of them have this code... where all girls past or present, are hands off to the rest of the crew. So it puzzles me a little, to see her flirting so openly with Jake, and not only am I sitting right here with them, but he doesn't shake off her advances. Maybe this is why Briggs is a little more quiet tonight. Not his normal playful self. I can't even get a hello out of him.

The crowd is thinning around us, cars loading into their trailers, tents being disassembled, lines of traffic slowly moving out. And I don't want to move an inch.

I don't want to deal with Briggs ignoring me anymore tonight, or watching Rose be all over him and I don't want to think about Edward with his girlfriend and I don't want to think about the fact that I'm basically alone now, because I don't even have a boyfriend like Edward thinks I do.

I just want to stay right here, feel this feeling, and hear this music.

.

.

.

We made it to the Clubhouse safe.

We're dancing between the pool tables and Rose is fucked out of her mind.

All over Jake. She's asked me several times if it's okay, and I assure her that it is. But I'm not fucked up enough that it doesn't sit right with me. And not because I want Jake.

Emily and I are back to back, dancing beside Alice and Ang and we spin and sway, our bodies undulating to the beat. It's a heavy, seductive beat that sinks in, through my skin, and my blood beats out, syncing to its rhythm.

It feels good, the music pumping through my veins.

I look over my shoulder and notice Briggs leaning against the bar, staring. I lightly sway, staring at him just long enough to communicate a every emotion I have right now. Happiness, sexual desire, frustration, sadness, pops of euphoria and confusion. Mainly just desire for him. And he holds my stare until it's so intense that I can't stay locked any longer. I look away from him, hoping that he'll come to me.

Chaz and Quil join in, beers in hand, swaying with us and when I turn my shoulder to look back at Briggs, he's gone.

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Thirty minutes later, I'm starting to feel hot and tingly and I'm getting sleepy. Rose has calmed down a little, hanging more with us than all over Jake, while he stocks the bar. I'm still wondering where Briggs is when she says that she wishes he hadn't left.

"He left?"

"Yeah, said he had to be up early, needed to get home. I offered to go home with him." She giggles and then makes a sad face, slumping her head onto my shoulder while pulling another pill from her pocket.

I'm starting to feel a little sick, and seeing the sight of another pill makes me even more nauseous. I put my hands over hers.

"You should toss those. Don't take anymore."

The conversation goes nowhere, and Rose ends up taking another. I leave her to go to the restroom, hoping that I don't have to throw up here. Not in this nasty restroom.

After twenty minutes of dry heaving in the world's grossest spot, I splash water onto my face, wishing for this feeling to end. When I look in the mirror everything is strobing.

I want to go home.

When I come out of the bathroom, I spot Jake across the bar, in the corner. Rose is talking to him, her arm around his neck, he's smiling down to her. I just stop and stare, not going any closer. I watch to see what plays out.

She whispers something in his ear and he nods. Walking away from her, through the bar and into the compound. She doesn't waste a second, following him.

I'm pretty sure that I know what's about to happen, but out of pure disbelief, I follow just in case I'm wrong.

I stay far enough behind, following their voices down the dim hallway. Seth comes booming out of his room and I slink behind the wall so that he doesn't see me.

Once he's back into the bar, I tiptoe down the hall and come to the door that Jake usually takes me to.

I can hear quiet kisses, a soft moan. It's definitely Rose in there. My heart is pounding so loud that I can hear it. And then I hear him say the same words he said to me earlier, "Damn girl."

I knew what was going to happen. I just didn't believe it I guess.

I feel betrayed for a split second before the thought of Briggs comes to mind. What would he think if he were here seeing this. Isn't this the reason why he won't touch me or even talk to me in front of Jake?

Isn't this what's keeping us apart?

His loyalty to Jake?

.

.

.

When Seth drops me at my door I'm so thankful to be at home. I just want to be in my bed.

I haven't felt this sick in a long time, so when I get upstairs I try to make myself throw up, making a promise that I'll never take another drug again, if I make it through tonight.

I pray that Charlie isn't seeing all of this. I sometimes wonder if he can see me and watch over me from where he is. Tears roll down my cheeks at the thought. Makes my heart clench.

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After brushing my teeth and taking off all my clothes, I slide into bed with nothing but a tank top and panties on. I keep going from hot spells to cold shivers and now I'm burning.

When I turn my lamp off, my phone lights up with a text from Rose.

**Where'd you go?**

I don't answer her, I don't even know what to think of Rose anymore.

I text Briggs instead.

**you at home?**

A few minutes go by and the nausea starts to roll through again. My phone lights up.

It's Briggs.

**are you?**

I type out a quick text hoping I don't throw up. **got here about 30 mins ago. sick.**

**you okay?**

My heart beats at his concern. **yeah, just feeling nauseous. never taking that stuff again. why'd you leave tonight?**

A few minutes go by again and I crave his next text, staring through the dark at my phone… just waiting on the screen to light.

**how much did you take?**

**i took one before the drag and another one there. **

I'm dying for him to know what I know, so I decide to just spit it out. Holding it in is killing me. **what would you say if I told you jake and rose are together tonight. like fucking in the back of the clubhouse together?**

A minute passes before he responds

**i'd say i already knew that**

I'm shocked and confused now. They didn't get together until after he left, plus, why isn't he mad? Doesn't he see what this means? I type out another quick text.

**that's all? **

He immediately replies**. **

**jake and i talked about it earlier, we've got an understanding, it's cool. i'm leaving soon anyway, why would i hold him back**

His response infuriates me. He's really going to leave. And he doesn't even want to mention what this really means. It makes me want to cry.

I feel heartbroken right now.

So I turn my phone off, curling into a ball, hoping for the nausea to end and sleep to take me.

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I'm startled awake by movement next to me as the bed shifts, sinking down. There's a huge shadow moving beside me, towering over.

I let out a gasp, feeling scared, and then a strong, warm hand is on me as he speaks.

"Shhhh. It's just me. It's me..." His familiar voice soothes me as I grab the sheet pulling it to me, sitting up.

My heart pounds heavily in my chest as my eyes adjust and I see him there through the dark. He's got one knee on the mattress, one foot on the floor.

He looks at me as he peels off his shirt, tossing it to the floor.

"Can I lay next to you?"

"Yeah, of course. You scared the shit out of me though." I grab my forehead and lay back onto my pillow.

That free-falling feeling is back.

Seeing him standing at my bed in the middle of the night**, ** taking his shirt off and tossing it to the floor, only happens in my dreams. And he's here, right now. This is real.

That familiar zing of exhilaration that roars through like rushing waters, whips through my middle and I'm on the brink of that threshold again.

That free fall into feelings.

He slides in onto his stomach, with his elbow on the pillow, holding his head up above me.

This space that we're in is more intimate than anywhere we've been previous, and that thought is in the air.

We're quiet. He's staring at me, eyes piercing through the dark and I'm turned to him, waiting on him to say something.

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* * *

**A/N: Please review with your answer to this question, I'm dying to hear your thoughts! Who do you think is in her bed? **

**Here's a hint: It's not Jake.**

**Sorry to cut it right there, but these two have a lot to talk about and this chapter wasn't getting any shorter. I appreciate every single review I receive. Thank you so much to all that are leaving love and reading!**


	27. Chapter 28

"You okay?" His voice is soft, comforting.

With my eyes to the ceiling and through heavy breaths, I answer him. My fist is against my chest, feeling my heart pound out fast beats.

"You almost gave me a heart attack." I exhale. "How'd you get in?"

He pushes the comforter and top sheet over to my side, bunching it up against me as he scoots in closer beside me, turning over and keeping one leg up onto the bed. "I took Jess's key."

He folds his arms, laying his head back onto his hands. We both quietly stare at the ceiling.

"You still feeling sick?"

_Nervous would be a better word for it._

"Just trying to slow my heart rate down, now that I know I'm not being murdered." My tone is sarcastic, and I regret it immediately, but I'm still a little shaky from the scare and my feelings are still hurt.

He speaks quietly. "For what it's worth, you scared me too."

It's in those words... out from his mouth, into the air between us, and through to me. A new vibe flows through this conversation. One of responsibility. One that's heavier than ever before— it's in this crackling, static space and it floats between us.

I look over to him, stretched out on top of my bed. He's got one leg covering the length of my mattress, his foot dangling off the end. His other leg hangs off the bed, bent at the knee, foot on the floor, shoes still on. I'm flat on my back, just inches away, hoping for my racing heart to calm.

We're lying here like we do this every night, but it's never been like this before.

I face him, looking at his silhouette that peeks out, over his elbow. "How did I scare you?"

He unfolds his arm, placing his hand on his stomach, as he turns to me. "Rose used to stay messed up… I hated it. Remember me telling you that?"

"Yeah."

"There's a reason why she's not my girl anymore." He turns his eyes away from me, shaking his head. A resentful tone in his voice. "That shit's such a turn off."

_Stab_.

I feel about two inches tall right now. And judged. He's never made me feel that way.

I look out, through the window that spills moonlight onto the bottom half of the bed, and speak quietly. "Okay?"

His eyes burn into me through the dark.

"I was gonna leave tomorrow without saying bye to you. My was mind made up. And that last time you looked at me, through zoned-out eyes, sealed it for me. I'd've called later— once I got there or something, but I was just gonna leave without a word."

He doesn't even flinch, saying words that cut me like a knife.

"But every time I'd start to buy a ticket, something stopped me."

He turns his eyes back to the ceiling and I instantly feel relief. I find comfort in the shade. Relief from the exposure, from the conviction, from the responsibility to be more. To be better.

"I kept going back and forth, back and forth." He moves his head side to side as he speaks and then stops. "I talked to Jake about it, before I finally decided to leave and then I came home tonight and bought a noon flight out tomorrow." He adjusts himself and continues. "You texted me about five minutes after."

My heart sinks and heavy knots swell in my throat, but I lie quietly, with my stomach turning over and over from his words... knowing what he says next is going to be pivotal before it spills from his mouth.

"But I sat there, after we talked, waiting for your next text."

He doesn't say anything else, And I don't either and the tension mounts between us into this big, invisible, grey, shadowy peak that threatens to swallow us both.

His voice breaks through the crescendo of emotions running through me. "And it never came. You didn't answer my calls, you didn't answer the door."

He's silent for a moment and when I start to speak he continues.

"The thought of leaving you was already heavy enough. But when you stopped responding." He faces me once again and it feels like it's a thousand degrees in this room.

"It scared the shit out of me. Just the thought of something happening to you. It hit me right in the fucking guts."

A slow release of tension uncoils as those words sink in. And I feel bad that he worried to the point that he actually came here. But wouldn't I do the same?

_Without a doubt_.

"So I sat there, waiting. Worrying. Calling. Knocking."

Another beat of silence passes. "And now I'm here."

The bed sinks as he brings his other leg up, crossing his feet at the ankles.

"And you're okay."

The thought that he's leaving is a neon sign in my mind, flickering on and off, failing to let me think of anything else.

"And you're leaving." Hurt is heavy and evident in my tone. It's hard to remove it, and pretend it isn't there.

"But I'm here right now."

He stares at me while I try to gather my thoughts.

"Why do you take that stuff?" He reaches over, stroking my cheek. "You're so much better than that, Bella."

"It's not like I do it all the time, Briggs. I've never even _tried_ it before this week, and trust me. I won't be taking _anything_ anymore. Lesson learned."

"Good to know." I look at him, and I can see his smile through the dark.

"You scared me tonight."

I point to myself. "I'm the one with the pounding heart here, not you."

"Who says?" He reaches under the covers, grabbing my hand and pulling it to him, laying it right over the center of his chest… holding his hand over mine.

This is the first time I've actually laid my hands on his bare chest. Something about it feels so intimate.

I can feel his heartbeat there, and while it's fast, it's no match for mine. Mine is _racing_ over here.

"So, why'd you just cut me off like that?" He softly squeezes my hand, asking genuinely.

I turn onto my side, towards him. Bringing my other hand up to my chest, cradling it under my chin, and I look away from his eyes, embarrassed to say how I feel, but there's really nothing to lose now… he's leaving.

"It hurts, Briggs." I scan his chest and look at the place where his heart beats, just under his skin. "I don't know why, but it hurts when you disregard me."

He gives me a solemn look before replying. "I never disregard you, no matter what you think. Come here…"

He digs one arm underneath me, and the other comes around me, pulling me to him, so that I'm closer now, right against him.

"You were too far away." His smooth deep voice, blows breath over my face as I nestle my forehead into his neck.

My feelings are soaring, nervous energy tickling up through my tummy again as his strong arms wrap around me. I'm wearing next to nothing and he's shirtless and oh, god. The last time we were this close we both had clothes on, and we weren't in my bed.

The hurt in my heart trumps the arousal and the knot in my throat swells with that reminder.

"I'm just gonna lay it all out, Bella. And when I'm done, you can decide what you wanna do with it." He pulls back, looking at me… making sure he has my attention.

"Okay." I nod.

He tucks my head back into his neck and I feel his heartbeat under my hand as he begins.

"I guess I've known all along that you didn't really want Jake. I could see how you looked at me and how you looked at him. I could tell the difference."

My heart flip flops as he continues. Hearing him speak out loud, things that only our eyes have said, is overwhelming.

"Maybe, all this time I've been hoping that you'd back off of him though, I don't know. There were times when I was selfish, and wanted him to fuck it up. But I never wanted you to get hurt. I didn't want that to happen, and I'm sorry." He squeezes me with those last words. So sincere.

I move, to look at him with a confused gaze.

"You think I'm hurt over Jake?"

He doesn't answer, but waits for me to go on.

"I _told_ Rose to be with Jake. I literally told her at least thirteen times today that I didn't care about him that way, and that it wouldn't bother me if she did her thing with him." I tuck myself back into his neck after I see him accept that.

"To be honest, the _only_ thing that bothered me about the entire situation was you. I was worried about how it would make you feel… Jake being with Rose."

If I'm being honest with myself, I did have a slight tinge of irritation with Rose because of girl code. She's just a different breed, I guess. But the point is, that none of that girl code stuff really matters, because I'm not into Jake like that anymore, and obviously she is. She's better for him.

"We weren't going anywhere, we knew that."

"He told me."

"What did he tell you?"

This is interesting.

"He just said that he quit trying to lock you down a few weeks ago. That it was clear you didn't want anything serious, and Jake is at that stage where he's ready for it." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Rose has been into him longer than me. So, this isn't anything new, I mean, _he_ actually gave _me_ the clear to go for her way back in the day."

"This is so weird, you guys giving each other permission and stuff."

"Speaking of, I told him how I felt about you."

"Well, I don't even know how you feel about me, but let's hear what Jake thought about it."

"He said you two were together just a few days ago, and then he told me you kissed him today."

_Shit._

I pull back looking at him. Knowing I'm about to lie but feeling like it's necessary and also, it's only half a lie, so it's valid in my eyes.

"Briggs, I swear to you, it was the drugs. That kiss meant nothing. I don't even know why I did it."

"He told me the same thing. Said he could tell you weren't into it and that you were just messed up. It still pissed me off. And then I just watched you get more wasted by the hour." He stops stroking my hair for a minute. "I won't lie… I wanted to tell you how mad it made me. I wanted you to know how it felt."

Everything makes sense now. The glances, the dismissals, all the looks from before… how he was just kind of waiting. Waiting on me to back off of Jake and waiting on me to quit fucking up.

I don't even know what I've been doing with my life lately. It's all just happened so fast. It's all a blur. And now, I've got this amazing person wrapped around me, telling me I mean something to him and he's about to leave.

My throat feels like it's closing for a moment, as that thought settles deep inside and I reach my arm around him, holding him a little closer for just a moment.

"I'm sorry Briggs."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. You don't owe me anything."

He runs his hands through my hair and it makes me feel so cared for. This embrace just feels so right and so good.

"Just tell me that you won't get wasted anymore. Promise me that you're done with the drugs?"

It comes automatically. "I'm never touching that stuff again."

His hand moves to rest on my waist. It feels nice. I like it. Him holding me, me holding onto him. I've wanted to feel this close to him so many times.

"I know you're leaving, but when you come back, promise me that you'll acknowledge me from now on. Don't ignore me anymore."

He wraps me tight while he speaks. "Girl, I'm aware of you every time you're around. I'm so fucking aware of you that it drives me insane sometimes. More than you could possibly understand."

"It hurts Briggs. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it does. It hurts my feelings when you won't even look at me sometimes."

"You think it's been _easy_ for me to look at you, knowing you're with him? You think every _day_ for the last two months or however long it's been, has been _easy_?"

I bring my eyes to him and his eyes burn a serious tone.

"I want you so fucking bad it makes me crazy sometimes, but you've been with him, and not once did you back off of him, Bella. You kept it going. I made it clear forfuckingever ago that I wanted you. You chose him."

Embarrassment sears at first and then anger, followed by disbelief.

I press against his chest, with a raised voice and reply. "I was wasted, Briggs. Just drunk sex and playful attraction. I never chose him." The look on my face begs him to understand.

"Seems to be a pattern." He replies calmly, pointing out my frequent mind-numbing binges that I'm completely aware of. And I push his chest again, trying to push him away.

He doesn't move. His strong body doesn't even flinch, there's no give to my push, he just presses in closer to me, holding me tighter.

"That all you got, little girl?" He's mocking me. Smiling down to me, making fun of my attempt to push him. It lightens the mood just enough but this is still heavy. All these unsaid words that have sat between us for so long. They're all spilling out at a rate that my mind can't keep up with.

But the only thing that really means anything is us. None of the Jake stuff. None of the Rose stuff. None of the time that's passed.

I speak softly. "I was never with him like that and I'm definitely not with him, in anyway, at all, anymore. And that's not even fair, because the only thing that you ever made clear to me was that I had boundaries as far as you were concerned."

"You think those were for _you_?"

"Those were for me. Not for you." His hand slides down my arm and back up, pulling my hair from the side of my face and back, over my shoulder.

"Does it suck that it took him fucking it up, to hear you say you're done with him? Yeah. Did I hope that you were going to quit fucking with him after you knew how we were?" He points from me to him. "Fuck yes."

I try to interrupt. "But you told me…"

He stops me, grabbing my hand and squeezing, "Let me finish. I did hope that you would back off of him, but that's not how it happened and at the same time it was wrong for me to feel that way."

"No it wasn't. And I didn't wait until Jake messed it up, Briggs. I told Rose to go for him. I don't know how many times I can tell you that I don't want him like that."

"I didn't know that until a few minutes ago." He adjusts the chain around his neck and the tags make a clinking sound as they fall back against him. "Look, all that matters is that I'm right here, with you, and this time there aren't any boundaries."

We stare in silence, more unsaid words hanging in the thick air between us.

"You mean aside from ten states. You've waited until you're about to put an entire country between us to raise the boundaries."

We've both given some of ourselves here. That's clear. He feels like he was being selfish by wanting me to back off of Jake, but he never pressed for it. I've felt selfish for wanting to violate the boundaries that kept us apart, but I didn't press them. That's the very definition of truly caring for someone. When someone else's needs become more important than your own.

He speaks up through my thoughts. "Bella, I'm not getting on that plane tomorrow, but I will soon. My grandfather's getting worse every day. I can't change this. If I could, I would."

He touches my face and continues. "But what I can change is how I leave. If I leave here without you knowing how much I love your smile…" His finger grazes my bottom lip and his eyes follow the motion. His hand trails up my arm and back down to my waist… around my back, to the dip in my spine, pressing me closer to him.

"How much I love your voice, your attitude about life…" He smiles wide and god, his smile.

"I love all of those things about you too." I say to him, his eyes straining through the dark to see mine.

I'm overwhelmed with feelings and I feel safe. Like I can tell him everything I think about him, with no threat of rejection. So I do, I spill it. "Today, I missed you when you were just feet away from me."

"You've been missing from me since the first day I met you, girl." His hand spreads across my spine, pulling me onto him, bringing my body on top of his. My soft curves mold onto his strong muscles and we fit.

The comfort I feel in his arms is just what I needed tonight. To feel cared for, not alone, to feel safe and warm. To feel happy.

With my head on his shoulder, I turn into his neck as he strokes my hair. "You make me feel happy, Briggs."

"What else do I make you feel?"

I'm a little shy now. Little sprouts of nerves bloom through the pit of my stomach and this is it.

"You make me feel like everything is okay when I'm with you, you bring the best parts of me to life."

He pulls the sheet off of us, and his hands go to the back of my legs, pulling them so that my legs are on either side of him. It sparks heat deep below, to be straddling him like this.

He sits up, bringing my legs around his waist, sitting my bottom on the bed, my center right at his, my chest no longer touching his, we sit face to face, his arms around me, my legs around him.

"You think I ignore you but I'm always thinking about you, Bella." He brings my hair over my shoulder, lightly trailing his hand. "You're never not on my mind."

I smile at him. His words rise up like the sun, shining bright inside me… rising from my insides and out through my eyes, my smile.

"And that smile." His hand comes to my cheek and I close my eyes, pressing my face into his hand, smiling. This happy feeling, radiates through me.

I am the sun rising. With every sentence he speaks, I get higher and higher, burning brighter and brighter.

"I want to kiss you."

My eyes open to him as his eyes sear into mine as he leans forward. His strong arms wrap around me and under my butt, pulling me closer, bringing me off of the bed and onto his lap.

There's nothing but my panties and the thin threads of his shorts between us now.

He's not hard, but he's not soft. He's aware.

My arms thread through his and he looks at me before bringing his lips to my shoulder, placing a soft kiss there.

"Is this okay?" His hand comes to the top of my spine, softly dragging down to my waist.

My tummy flips as he lays another kiss right next to his last.

My breathing picks up as does my pulse and he waits for my queue. "Please," I beg him. I need this more than air right now.

He smiles against my shoulder a small satisfied scoff coming from him.

His lips are soft, full and beautiful. And they're on me.

And I'm on him.

My skin, my body, my mind… they're all crawling with desire. This immense happiness I feel has melded quickly into a burning passion for him, a need that grows stronger by the second. I tilt my neck to the side, an invitation to continue on.

He stops, pulling back and our eyes lock. This is that same look we've given each other a thousand times now. A look that communicates the need, the desire that's clear between us both.

I feel him harden beneath me and my hands move to his face.

"Please." I say quietly in question. Expressing the need.

"This baby soft skin…" He looks from my shoulders, down over my breasts.

He arches my back into him bringing my breasts to his chest. His words send me rocking into him. A slow rock forward and I can't wait, I'm ravenous for him. He's taking this too slow.

One strong hand moves to my hip, stilling me, the other reaches behind my neck, rubbing just under the hair at the nape of my neck.

His face moves closer now, but so slow. The anticipation kills me, his eyes still communicating how much he wants me.

He comes so close to my lips but moves to my cheek and down to my neck, thrilling me but letting me down at the same time. "I wanna take my time with you." He presses a kiss just below my ear. "Treasure you." Another kiss on my throat. "Taste you."

He's fully erect now, and my center is split on him. Right at his base as I rock into him again, throwing my head back, loving the feeling of his lips on me, loving that he's here.

"I've thought about this… imagined it different ways and dreamed about how your kiss would taste." Another kiss on my throat.

"Briggs please," I rock into him and press as deep as I can, letting him know how desperate I am.

"Please what?" He continues pressing soft, tiny, open mouthed kisses from one collarbone to the other and I'm festering. Dying for his lips on mine.

I bring both of my hands to his face, pulling him from my neck to look at me. "Please kiss me."

His hands move to my thighs, around to my butt and he presses me into him, while slowly coming into me. And then, eyes wide open, he's there.

His lips meet mine.

Two silhouettes in the dark, lit up by fireworks inside. Our lips, soft, warm and wet, stack on top of each other, and fall into the most organic motion.

He lets out a low sound and I'm moaning from the sheer euphoric feeling popping through me. It's like we've done this all our lives. His lips know mine and they know where to go— how to move without my direction.

Our lips were _made_ for this.

He angles his face to the side, pressing his tongue inside, licking my tongue so softly and it shoots desire straight to my core. He's rock hard beneath me and I'm getting wetter by the minute.

"I want you so bad. Need you." I tell him breathlessly through our kiss.

"I'll give it to you." He kisses me again and then pulls back, his hand on my neck, eyes on mine, and he licks his lips. His beautiful lips. There are no lips more beautiful than Brigham Elijah Hendry's lips.

He sucks another kiss from me, speaking through it, "I'll treat you so good, girl." I'm flying now, wrapped up in his arms, pressed gently into his chest, mouths in motion like we have one mind.

His hands come to the bottom of my tank and he slowly lifts it. My arms raise with it, but he doesn't lift it off of me, just trails my sensitive sides instead. When he brings it back down, I let my arms fall back around his neck, slightly disappointed that he's not stripping me bare, I ache for him already.

He quickly spins me until he's lowering me onto my back, and with fierce eyes he looks primal above me.

I feel the same way, this need so thick I ache below.

He rises to his knees above me, looking down at me, looking over my body.

"Take your shorts off." I tell him, dying to feel him inside.

"Shhhh… we've got time." His hands are on my sides, his fingers press just under my hip, "Raise up for me." I immediately obey his command.

Slowly, he pulls the sheet from under me, adjusting it so that we're both underneath. I'm clenching beneath him with a building ache that's becoming painful. He's between my legs, laying over me, trailing kisses up my stomach as his hand trails my waist.

He comes up to my neck and sprinkles soft kisses all the way to my lips. When his warm soft lips meet mine again, everything falls away. The ache below, the fear of him leaving, the whispers of pain that live deep down inside. It all falls away and I give into his kiss.

I've never experienced chemistry like this. Finding a person and being with them intimately… sharing only just a kiss but already feeling like that person is another extension of yourself. That's how I feel right now. Like one of us flows right into the other.

His lips move slow and sweet and his tongue softly connects with mine, a touch that's so delicious and sweet it makes my heart swell twenty times its size inside my chest. This overwhelming feeling so intense, starts from a place deep down and expands until it reaches every edge of me. It takes me over and I pour it into him.

He doesn't take his lips from mine as he speaks, "Go with me tomorrow. We'll spend the night on the coast and I'll have you back the next day."

I don't waste a minute. "I'll go anywhere with you."

And we continue with our lips locked, this delicious new feeling covering me in bliss.

I kiss him with all the need that's deep inside, all the happiness he gives me and all the feelings that pool in my heart for him. He's filled me with so much, so fast it's almost like this is a dream. But he's real.

We're real and we're going for it.

For a day at least.

That thought has me holding on so tight. Scared to fall before he leaves, but knowing it's not my choice.

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A/N: Thank you to the moon for all of your reviews. All this love (and hate, lol) for these flawed characters, I'm just blown away and touched that I'm able to take you on this journey. Thank you so much for your kind words.

It seems that Bella's got herself in a predicament. While Edward's figuring his "girlfriend shit" out, Bella seems to be more than figuring her "boyfriend shit" out. Looks pretty sticky to me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and as always, thank you for reading :0)


	28. Chapter 29

Hi everyone! I just want to say thank you to whoever nominated Thrust as Favorite Drop Everything Fic at the TwiFic Fandom Awards!

I've never been nominated for this type of award and I can't put into words how awesome it is to know that my story was thought of for this. So thank you.

If you'd like, please go and vote for Thrust in the Favorite Drop Everything Category. I would be honored to receive this award, and I know it's a long shot, being up against so many other good reads... but if I were to win this, I will commit to writing an alternate ending to this story as my thanks to all of you for the nomination and the votes! You can vote at

TwiFicFandomAwards dot Blogspot dot com backslash vote

I've put a teaser under the top picture on tumblr... I hope you enjoy!


	29. Chapter 30

**A/N: You'll be getting two povs this chapter, first will be Edward and second you so much for every kind word and every minute you've spent here. XOXO**

* * *

The sounds of intercoms, clicking keyboards, and my footsteps carry down the sterile halls of Cullen Automotive as I make my way toward the front lobby.

Couldn't sleep for shit last night. Thoughts have been racing since I rolled out of bed this morning. I'm feeling less than confident and it's not something I'm accustomed to.

I've tossed it over and over in my mind and after waiting all day, she still hasn't replied back to my call, not even a text. She could still be with him, which is worst case scenario, and I'm prepared for that, but something tells me Bella isn't just going to give in to me.

She's got this rebellious side to her— she won't just surrender. And plus, I think she likes my chase. I could see it in the little smirks she gave. The sarcastic tone in her responses. And that's fine. I don't mind chasing her, I even like it, as long as I know I'll have her in the end. And that's what's got me all fucked up. The not knowing.

Last night, after Brooke and I finished everything, I called Bella. I didn't play any games, I just let her know that I'm ready when she is. Was I hoping that I'd get a call at two am? Of course.

No response yet and it's almost four pm.

It never occurred to me when I was in that restroom with her, that I would have to work for it. I'm not used to having to work for a woman's attention. This comes natural to me. And not that she isn't worth the work, I just thought it was clear in that kiss, that this was happening. There's no stopping it.

I even told her that.

And that kiss.

Countless wet dreams of the girl in the frame, with the dark brown hair. Not one of those dreams even came close to that kiss. How her small body felt pressed up to mine. How she made me burn for her.

It's only been one day and she's got me twisted.

One tiny taste of her awakened all my senses.

What was once something that frightened and confused me has morphed into something that's so clear, something so absolute.

This unstoppable desire to possess her runs so deep, and the fact that it's been a sleeping bear for all these years makes it even more profound. It's not something new… it's been inside me, lying dormant all this time. With one kiss, she woke all the need I've pushed down, all the desire for a real connection, and all the _want_ for that four letter word that scares me to death, she woke it all up in one, warm touch of her tongue.

The fear is no longer at the forefront. The need and desire for her are racing far far ahead. And now the possibility of not having her's got me all messed up.

In my eyes, there's no competition.

Put me and Jake Black beside each other and it's evident that I'm the better man. Looks wise, mind wise, class wise and if that kiss was any indication as to how our sex would be? Jake Black won't even be an afterthought once I have her. But the thought that she might not be convinced of this has me feeling a little panicked and I'm questioning myself for the first time in my life.

I can't believe I'm even thinking about asking Emmett for advice, but at this point… it's necessary. He's never gone wrong in the relationship department.

Throughout high school, he always had a good, steady girlfriend— always unapologetically committed to someone. So I know, if anyone can give me pointers on how to really do this romance-relationship thing right, it's gonna be him.

I pass Gloria's desk and she turns her eyes up to me. She looks at me like she wants me to take her right there on the desk. She'd probably let me. But I don't see Gloria sitting there. All I see is Bella. She's everywhere.

Once I round the corner, I see Emmett.

The large open lobby houses a few of our newest models, some stacked Michelin tires and a few reception areas. Emmett is standing against the counter, under the parts and services sign, as I come up behind him.

He's got the phone to his ear, pen to a pad.

I thump the the back of his head as hard as I can and then duck, missing his swing when he turns around, and then I punch him in the thigh. He tries to end the conversation as he puts me in a headlock and we stay tangled that way, quietly wrestling, knocking papers off the counter, twisting the phone cord around us, until he hangs up the phone.

I reach to grab his balls and he instantly releases my neck. He smiles at me as I stand up, running fingers through my hair.

"What's up, cocksucker?"

"You got a minute?"

He's got his fists up, fake punching me in the gut while he speaks. "Got ten minutes before the next delivery."

I look around before I begin, making sure no one is within range to hear what I'm about to say.

"I need your advice."

.

.

.

After listening to all of Emmett's advice, I've decided that girls are just too fucking complicated.

I don't want to have to think about all these fucking rules he mouthed off. Why can't I just be straight up with her? Why do I have to do all this silly shit, like flowers and sweet notes. That's not even me.

But if it works, I guess it will be worth it.

When I pull into her driveway I see her car parked in the front.

With a huge bouquet of flowers in hand, I walk up the steps that remind me so much of Chief Swan.

It's a strange feeling, walking up these steps knowing he'll never be here again. When I knock on the door, I imagine him opening it with a simple, "Edward, good to see you son," before ushering me in.

I get lost in my thoughts of Charlie for a few minutes before I notice that she isn't coming. So I leave the flowers there in front of the door.

I was really hoping to see how she'd react to me bringing her flowers. If I'm honest, I was hoping I could kiss her again.

But it's okay, I'll take my time, because in the end I have no doubt that she'll be mine. It's just the waiting that sucks.

For the first time in my life, I feel a purpose driven need.

And as I back out of her driveway, seeing those flowers there, I imagine how beautiful she'll look with the smile that they'll surely give her.

And I smile to myself… because I don't doubt it anymore. I know.

She will be mine.

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* * *

His skin shimmers bronze against the sun.

I sit back and admire the defined lines of his muscles as he takes both hands, wiping the wet hair that dangles out of his face**. **

Sometimes when I look at him, I see perfection. A perfect, sculpted body… a gorgeous handsome face. Eyes that whisper dreams of sexual desire, lips that look like they were made in a mold… he's essentially flawless. When I stack all my imperfections against his perfections, it's intimidating.

He could have anyone. And he's brought me here with him.

I watch him coming up from the shore to our spot on the beach. We're both just biding our time until it happens. The _it_ being sex.

He's holding the sex hostage even though we can't keep our hands off of each other. When I woke up next to him the other morning in my room, it was such a sleepy, silky, dreamy feeling… his skin against mine, our warm bodies pressed together. I ached for him. His kisses, so soft and lush, I practically begged him for it. His response just made me want him more.

The memory of that morning flashes through as he trods through the sand, eyes on mine.

_It wasn't quite daylight out yet, but no longer dark. _

"_Shhh... " He laid a kiss on my lips, speaking in whispers. "You think our first time is gonna be while you've still got that shit in your system?"_

_He pulls up, smiling confidently down to me. "Nah." His top teeth scrape over his lower lip before he continues with lust in his eyes, "When I get inside you, there won't be any doubt as to why it feels so good. When I take you, you'll be completely sober and it'll be better than any drug you can find." He covers my pleas with his kisses, stilling my hips with his strong hands. Speaking with his lips on mine, he sends thrills through me. "I'll take every breath from these lungs," his hand touches my chest, as he places another kiss to my lips, "Every kiss from these pretty lips and every memory, of sex before me, away. I'll make it all brand new and you'll be all mine." _

My tummy flip flops and a smile breaks out at the thought of it.

And the thought of every excuse he's given since then brings me right back down.

It's four in the afternoon, we're on the beach in Malibu. He brought me to one of his friend's places and we had the whole house to ourselves all day yesterday, last night. Today. It's pretty amazing. Cozy lounge chairs right out on the beach, which is just footsteps from the back door.

We have to get back in just a little bit though. He's gotta pack for his seven am flight out tomorrow morning.

It's all I can think about.

I've tried to put it in the back of my mind since he told me after breakfast. Up until then, I was truly enjoying our time together. We drove here laughing, kissing, talking and smiling.

When he opened the door and I saw the place, my face lit up with excitement. I rushed through, straight to the glass walls with views of oceanside cliffs, white beaches and blue ocean for miles.

We laid in the sun yesterday, showered and then he took me out to a nice dinner. I thought I'd die seeing him leaning against the kitchen counter in nothing but a towel but then he got dressed and he was so gorgeous it was painful. He was draped in all black, like he usually is, with his leather jacket on, a big watch, looking like danger and sex melded into one. He was perfection. I couldn't keep my hands off of him and he couldn't keep his lips off of me.

After dinner we came back to the house and sat out on the shore with a bottle of wine and the moon bright above us. Slow kisses turned to soft moans and needy hands. With his tongue pressed between my thighs, he took me to the sky.

When we got in the bed he finally let me touch him, see him… taste him, but the one thing he wouldn't do was have sex with me.

When I woke wrapped up in his skin this morning, I thought I might die if I couldn't get him any closer, inside me. He felt me with his fingers, which helped soothe the ache, but it didn't completely take it away. And nothing will but that single type of closeness you get through sex.

He's already made love to me with his mind. We're like one sometimes in our conversations, our views on life, in our friendship… I just need that last piece of him to feel complete.

I watch as my bronze god shimmers closer to me, his eyes gazing into mine. He bends to kiss me, and both of us sigh at the touch. "You ready to go?"

I smile up to him, keeping one eye shut from the sun's rays as he stands there in his wet trunks. "No. But I guess we have to?"

He holds out his hand and I take it in mine, "Come on, pretty girl."

.

.

.

We pass the Welcome to San Ansvaro sign as I sit quietly beside him, contemplating how my time with him has been such a sanctuary. So much happiness. Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Just a fun, easy day, full of talking, kissing, touching. Loving.

I'm pretty sure I fell in love with Briggs a few weeks ago, but last night I fell for life. He's got my heart. I don't know how I'll get through without him now.

And I don't know why he's doing this. I mean, I know why— I just… ugh. I'm willing to sacrifice making it more complicated and getting a broken heart in exchange for being with him that way. He, on the other hand, feels like he'd be a dirtbag to fuck me and leave the next day. What he doesn't get, is that I don't care. I'll take the heartbreak of him leaving, I'll even take the guilt for making him feel like he's a douche, I just want to be with him that way.

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We've driven the entire way with our hands tucked into one another's. We're almost back to my house and I can't stop thinking about it. Each time he leans over and kisses me, it kills. I think I'm losing my mind.

If he's worried about breaking my heart, it's already done. The damage sits right here inside me. Constant thoughts about him leaving circle around in my head and the hole in my heart is already spreading like fire to paper, singeing it's way from the inside out.

He doesn't understand that he's trying to stop something that's already started. The damage is done and I need him now more than ever, but Briggs is the boss here, he's made it clear that he won't go there until he gets back from New York, and my god, how can I not respect that? It's so valiant. So good. So true.

So heartbreaking. I ache for him.

.

.

.

When we pull into the driveway, the sun is setting and my heart is sinking with it. He grabs my bag and comes around to open the door for me, wrapping me in his arms when I stand. "Did you have fun?"

I smile into his chest. "I loved every minute."

When we start up the steps I see a beautiful, tall arrangement of purple, white and lime green flowers. They're so pretty and big, taking up almost the entire width of the door. I immediately smile at the sight of them, but wonder why someone would be sending flowers over two months after Charlie's funeral.

Briggs bends to pick them up, a peculiar look on his face as he snatches the note, handing it to me.

When I read the words, I'm flustered.

Not only the last thing I expected, but what a fucking predicament I've found myself in.

Briggs looks to me in question and he can see that I'm taken aback a little so he slides the note gently out of my fingers and reads it for himself.

He doesn't appear to be mad. A solemn look is on his face as he gently takes my keys out of my hand, sticking them into the lock and then turning the knob. He opens the door, waiting for me to enter and then he leaves the flowers outside, shutting the door behind him as I throw my bag on the couch.

My brain is a flurry of racing thoughts and it's hard to look at Briggs right now. For some reason, I feel embarrassed at the notion of receiving flowers from Edward after the last two nights that I've spent with Briggs. So much has changed so fast, it's just… overwhelming.

When I glance to Briggs still standing beside the door, he comes quickly to me, and with little effort, I'm scooped into his arms and he's jogging us both up the stairs, his lips plastered to mine.

I'm breathless and all thoughts of anything are gone, except the burning need to feel him inside me, as he tosses me onto my back on the bed.

He's peeling his shirt off, untangling his belt and it's gone too. The look in his eyes is fierce and he's changed his mind. It's written on his face as he bends to grab my ankles, pulling me closer to him.

My shorts are flying off of my legs, my shirt next and within seconds Briggs is on top of me with a husky voice spilling into my ear, "You're fucking mine."


	30. Chapter 31

He's peeling his shirt off, untangling his belt and it's gone too. The look in his eyes is fierce and he's changed his mind. It's written on his face as he bends to grab my ankles, pulling me closer to him.

My shorts are flying off of my legs, my shirt next and within seconds Briggs is on top of me with a husky voice spilling into my ear, "You're fucking mine."

He's changed in just moments, from controlled and patient, to wild and rough. His touch isn't gentle, it's possessive. He's not scared to hurt me, he knows he won't as my body bends to his and this… this is _everything_.

His eyes are wild and his hands all over me. I'm soaring so high, knowing he's about to give me what I've wanted for so long.

His eyes are open, mouth to mine and we're both so caught up in this moment, it's crashing over us and taking us both under.

As we devour each other with hungry kisses, I feel him digging between us into his pocket, and when he's got what he needs, he pulls away from me.

His hand trails my neck, eyes never leaving mine, as he rises up.

He holds a condom in his fingers, and if it wasn't clear that this was happening a minute ago, it's definite now.

It's in the dominant look in his eyes, and it's in my submissive behavior as I raise my shoulders up, unclipping my bra from behind. Once I'm bare up top, he digs his teeth into the plastic, ripping impatiently.

His shirt is off, jeans still on, and our eyes are locked, silently speaking weeks of want— the ache building stronger with each passing second but the relief so close, we can both almost feel it already.

I raise my hips up towards him, as he unbuttons his jeans and though time is standing still, we couldn't be moving faster— each dying to be connected to the other.

I lay my shoulders back against the soft sheets, and try to pull my panties off in the quickest but sexiest way possible.

His eyes don't leave mine, and this feeling inside— this shooting thrill of adrenaline, as I spread my legs open to him—it fills every crevice. The lust and ache mixes with the thrill and anticipation to make the most delicious concoction of emotion spinning uncontrollably inside as his eyes leave mine, trailing down my naked body and right to the place that aches so deep.

He doesn't take his jeans all the way off as he unzips, just leaving enough room to pull himself out and when I see him there, fully erect and so beautiful I lift up, grabbing the condom from him. My eyes plead with him to let me lead for just a moment and he understands the need, giving me what I want.

I can't stop myself from taking him into my mouth just long enough to make his eyes tilt up to the ceiling. He's not only well endowed, but he's got significant length and it's just as beautiful as the rest of him.

Once his eyes land back on mine and I've smoothed my lips over the length of him, I can't wait any longer, the sight of him and the silky soft texture against my lips has me soaked and ready.

I communicate my need with eyes on his as the pulsing, aching, clench below becomes painful. I sense he feels the same as he whispers to me with sweet eyes, "Lay back, pretty girl."

He wastes no time pulling me closer, to the end of the bed where my butt touches him and he bends down, eyes to mine, placing his thumbs between my legs, spreading me wide before putting his tongue on me… sending me arching high into the air. He takes one long, wet lick and then two things happen simultaneously.

He lines himself up as he brings his lips to mine and before our lips can even touch, he's gliding inside and oh god, oh god, oh god.

I'm stretched and full as his strong arms reach under me, grabbing my cheeks as he slams inside, the glide so fulfilling, until our hips meet flush.

"We can save the slow and sweet for later. For now…"

He holds his breath, looking between us, as he pulls out almost to the tip, before slamming back in, lifting my hips off the bed,

"I'm gonna push any doubt you have about who's… "

He grabs my butt pulling it into him with each thrust as he finishes his sentence.

"This… " He pulls out almost all the way again before filling me with another hard slam and finishes, eyes on mine "Is."

And then my hips are no longer even on the bed, but in his hands as he brings me to into him and I'm dying. I'm dying of the fulfillment, of this burning love inside me, of this beautiful, delicious pain, and this ravenous need for more, more, more of all of him.

He continues his rigorous pace, pounding in and out so fast and hard and my legs are quivering each time he grinds into my most sensitive spot, giving me sensations that are so fucking good I can't hold it any longer, and I burst from the inside out, shaking uncontrollably as he grinds so good and so hard.

"Tell me who's it is, pretty girl."

He pounds into me and through strained breaths I don't hesitate to reply, "It's yours… god, it's yours."

With a satisfied smile on his face he pumps long, hard glides with the most delicious grind to my center before pulling back out and it takes me over almost every time.

"You ok?" He asks through quick breaths.

"I'm better than I've ever been." I mumble back to him because I can't even speak right now. It's so good, and it's not stopping. My legs continue to quiver and that feeling continues to build and burst, build and burst and just when I think he's about to come with me, this time he brings me up, chest to chest, spinning us around so that he's on his knees and I'm on top of him, sitting straight up, chest to chest, eye to eye. The same way we started just two nights ago in my room, except we're complete now.

His eyes. So beautiful.

His skin, flawless, and his lips are so full and gorgeous and it's too much to look at him, he's so beautiful inside of me, me on him, we're perfect.

He slows down the tempo, bringing his rough hand to my neck, softly kissing my lips while pumping long slow thrusts inside. His eyes relay the feelings inside and it makes me so happy to see that same feeling I have for him reflecting back to me. "You're such a pretty girl… my girl." He says through his kisses.

And I swell when those words leave his lips.

"Say you're my girl."

I don't hesitate. "I'm yours."

His teeth scrape his bottom lip as he looks down to where we connect and the sight of him thrusting is beautiful, everything about this moment is beautiful and his lips are on mine, and he's making smaller pumps… thrusting quicker, grinding a little longer and before I can make it there again, he slows to a heavy grind and stills, holding his breath as he trembles. And watching him come is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, with his eyes tight, so tight that when he opens them back up to me, they're watering and brighter than they've ever been and my lips cover his with panic, hoping to keep him right here inside, not ready for this to be done- feeling like I'll die if he pulls out right now. So I cling to him, suffocating him with kisses and desperation.

I don't even care if it scares him, it's true, so true and he can't possibly get any farther away than he will be at this time tomorrow so I say it.

I blurt it out and I don't stop.

I repeat it over and over as I pepper kisses down his neck, clinging to him for life.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, please stay right here, don't move, I love you."

And for a split second my voice and the incoherent decision to blurt out those words drives stone cold panic straight through me like a molten blade until his eyes and lips sweetly meet mine and he presses me closer, grinding in stronger and whispers the words, "I love you too. I have for a while now," right back to me, onto my lips.

.

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.

A/N: Doesn't it just suck that Briggs is leaving in the morning? We'll see what Edward is up to on Monday (( insert all the smiles here )) To Lisa, I can't thank you enough. XOXO


	31. Chapter 32

There's something to be said about missing someone you love. And there are so many questions, now that he's gone.

How long is it gonna be like this?

Can this truly work?

While Briggs has been gone for exactly 43 hours and twenty-three minutes… I've been right here, in my house.

Jess came over and watched a movie with me yesterday, but I was no fun. It's hard to concentrate on anything, when all I can do is think about him.

Tiny flutters, tickle up from the pit of my tummy and out through my skin every time I think about him. How he looked the night before he left… on my bed, on my floor, in the shower, on the stairs… on the kitchen counter.

We didn't even sleep that night.

We stayed tangled together until five am when we had to leave to get him to the airport.

On the way back home, it made perfect sense to me; why Briggs didn't want to do it that way… why he wanted to wait until he got back. Something big happened when we made love for the first time. We tied ourselves together in a way that I've never experienced before and on that drive home from the airport that morning, when I thought my insides might spill out along with all of my tears, I pulled off to the side of the road until I calmed down enough to get myself back home.

How did he know it would be like this?

I don't like this yearning hollow feeling inside, when I talk to him or think about him. The wanting and the missing him is so heavy.

The other night, we stayed locked onto each other for an hour before getting up and showering. He pulled my hair over my shoulder and pressed me softly to the wall, kissing me so sweet and so honest as he whispered words along my neck that left me breathless. He made love to me against the wall, while the water showered down over us and tears streamed down my cheeks. They weren't tears of sorrow or even tears of fear for him leaving, they were just tears of this overwhelming feeling that I can't quite describe, because I've never felt it before.

After we showered I went with him to Jess's to help him pack, but when Jess met us at the door, her expression said that we had some explaining to do, being that I hadn't answered any calls or texts for two days and I showed up suddenly with her cousin.

I didn't even try to hide my hand in his, or my kiss on his lips before he went upstairs to pack, leaving me there with her to fend for myself.

Luckily, she was understanding, but we're family. It's kind of a rule that no matter what I do, she pretty much just has to love me through it.

Besides… I can't imagine anything that Jess could do that I would push her out of my life for, so I know she's the same when it comes to me.

We talked for about ten minutes while Briggs packed. Hugging and laughing until I got teary eyed about Briggs leaving and she just hugged me tight some more, trying to change the subject to Seth, which made me giggle.

Though this is tough for me to see him go, it's something that Jess is happy about. She knows he won't be in danger in New York and she's hoping he won't go back to his old lifestyle when he does get back here. She's excited about him going.

With Briggs' arm around us both, we told Jess goodbye and walked back to my house. We didn't separate until it was time to leave with the sunrise.

.

.

.

I hold out my phone, trying to twist my body and my face into in the most flattering angle before pressing call.

When the image on the screen changes from mine to his, little charges of static streak out in every direction and I'm electrified with excitement to see his handsome face.

_Fuuuuuuuck_, he's so fine.

His hat is on low, and his eyes are sparkling from underneath the rim as he smiles at me… a curious smirk on his face. "You're wearing my stuff?" He's got a surprised, but satisfied smile when he asks.

And then he gives me that look. That look kills me… the one that says, I'm doing it for him, and he wants me.

"Hey handsome." I finger the rim of his hat that I'm wearing and give him a little smile while modeling the tank top he left here.

It's a dress on me, and it doesn't look half bad. I only put it on because it smells just like him. Hints of his cologne are heavy on the front of it and I pray it lasts until he gets back. After popping it on, I decided it was time to look alive, and I put a little makeup on, tossing his hat on, over my unbrushed hair.

"Ah… babe. You look so good, I wanna be all over you right now." He licks his lips and the look on his face is so seductive right now.

I smile, missing him so bad it hurts.

He doesn't know that I forced myself to get out of the bed and get myself ready so that I would look pretty for this facetime call.

His eyes gleam and his sculpted cheekbones give way to a sheen of sweat which rests over his nose and drips down the side of his face as he speaks to me while jogging up steps.

"I miss you like crazy already." I tell him honestly, pulling the shirt to my nose, smelling it again. The scent of him drives me crazy.

"You don't even know girl. You're gonna get it so bad when I get you out here."

I giggle, flattered. "What?"

"I can't stay away from you lookin' like that, girl." He hesitates for a minute and makes an mmm sound before continuing. "You're gonna have to fly out here for a weekend, we gotta figure something out."

I don't jump on his statement about me going out there, but it's in the forefront of my mind. The fact that he misses me so much, he's already making plans to see me again, thrills me, but I don't want to sound desperate so I change the subject.

"What're you up to today?"

"Just left the gym, baby. What're you up to?"

He wipes his face with a towel, stopping just outside a door, telling me to hold on a second.

"You already found a gym?"

"Yeah, right outside my grandfather's building. It's low key, not a lot of traffic, I don't have to wait for the bench to free up, and the weights aren't cheap, like my gym back home, it's perfect."

Wow. He's already ventured out and formed some sort of routine for himself.

And I can't even seem to leave my house.

He opens the door, angling the phone so that I can see the inside of the house, showing me around as he makes his way toward a room at the end of a long hall.

Before now, we've just texted and talked over the phone. I like that I'm getting to see his surroundings.

When he enters, I see an older man lying in a bed with a very pregnant woman in scrubs beside him. His bed rests beside a large window with a view of the city and the bed is one of those similar to a hospital type… it folds and bends.

Briggs walks closer, introducing me through the phone, "Pops, this is Bella." He holds the phone so that only his grandfather is in view, and Briggs continues talking while his grandfather and I smile at each other through the screen. "Love of my life, Pop. Look how beautiful she is." I'm blushing now and I die a little, hearing the words he's chosen for me, so I'm beaming when I say hello to his grandfather, telling him how honored I am to meet the very first Mr. Brigham Hendry.

His voice is small and shaky when he speaks my name, and he carries a bit of an English accent, which I find interesting. Meeting another member of Briggs' family, somehow makes this thing between us feel so much more official… even if we are such a long distance from each other.

Mr. Hendry is nothing like I imagined, but absolutely adorable. I imagined him to be much more frail, with dark thinning hair, but he's quite opposite. I like the way his blue eyes light up when he talks to me. He's got creamy white wrinkled skin, hair as white as snow and he's got a light in his eyes, when he smiles that shines all of his goodness out through his sweet, round face.

He can't hold the phone, so Briggs stays beside him, holding it up so that I can see both of them in the frame. Briggs looks so much like him. I can see it in the eyebrows, the straight nose, the blue eyes.

Seeing Briggs with him and happy, definitely makes the distance worth it.

Briggs tells his grandfather that he'll be right back and he whispers to me, saying that he might have more time than they originally thought. He's doing especially well this week.

Cradled inside the frame of his phone, I go with him to the kitchen and watch him measure out a few scoops of protein for a shake. He tells me more about dementia while he makes his shake. How one day can be great and the next a total backslide. It's a disease so unpredictable that it can wreak havoc. Today, and yesterday in particular, have been great. He tells me that his grandfather remembers his name, knows who he is and is able to follow conversation. This had made Briggs feel so relieved because before going out there, the nurse prepared Briggs to expect the worst but hope for the best because day to day, can be so different. I feel thankful that things are going well with him.

Am I selfish to wonder how that affects the length of time we'll be apart?

I am. My god, I'm _so_ selfish.

We ramble while he drinks and I love talking with him. In fact, I cling to our conversations like I'm in middle school. I can remember talking on the phone for hours back then. I haven't wanted to do that since.

He finishes his shake, rinsing his cup and turns to give me a "grand tour," he says this in an English accent and I giggle. Walking the halls of his grandfather's house with him makes me feel included. And I love how he continues to tell me I'm missed but like I'm there with him at the same time.

There's this brand new amazing side of Briggs that I'm seeing now that he's back where he was born.

He shows me a portrait of his mother and father and he sounds so proud as he tells me about them while holding the phone close up to the frame. I look into the handsome face of a man almost the same age as Briggs is now, taken from this world much too soon. Makes me want to just hold Briggs. I can't imagine the pain he went through, losing both of his parents at one of the most confusing times of his life.

The tour of his grandfather's house, isn't small. It's pretty grand. A two thousand square foot apartment on the lower side of Manhattan.

I've never been to New York, but from what I know of it, apparently, if you own any space over six hundred square feet in the city, you're basically rich.

When we've talked for over an hour he goes back into his grandfather's room and tells him he'll be right back and I watch as he slinks into a bedroom down the hall and closes the door behind him.

"Show me something." He says to me in a low demanding voice.

I giggle at him, "You first." I say teasingly.

He holds the phone out, angling the camera so that I can see him take the hem of his shirt into his teeth, holding it up so that his abs there, on display… and then he moves it downward until it comes to his crotch where his hand trails the large outline of his shaft through his shorts, and he grabs hold of it, angling close up on it, teasing me as he grabs there, taunting.

It makes me ache for him… it takes me back to the last moments before he left.

He's cocky and happy, teasing me with his bulge and I'm opposite. I'm sappy and sweet but I lift my shirt and give him a good tease before we both decide that it just makes the ache worse… all the teasing.

And it makes me feel like this transition is so much easier for him than it is me. Like, he's not hurting over this to the same degree that I am. Like he's not as dependent on my attention as I am his.

I've wanted to stay on the phone with him since he left. I'm entirely needy. And why can't I be? I love him. I miss him. This separation hurts, you know? But he seems to be fine all the way across the states. He's already found a gym, he's gotten a daily routine together, and I can't even get out of the fucking bed.

And as soon as we say our goodbyes, I kiss the screen and my call with Briggs disconnects.

I sit on all of those thoughts. How well he's doing, how well his grandfather is doing and how sappy and stationary I am.

I don't know what I was expecting. I mean… I had this vision that Briggs would get on a plane, hold his grandfather's hand while he said his last words. Then he'd help plan a funeral, talk to a few financial planners and maybe an attorney, bury his grandfather and then come right back home.

Not to sound insensitive or anything, but that's been the vision in my head.

Now, after talking to Briggs, seeing his surroundings, meeting his wonderful grandfather, seeing how very much alive and well he is, and seeing Briggs flourish in New York, I'm completely confused.

This billowing, inky cloud of yucky negative thoughts unfold inside me, severing my appetite and slinking its way underneath all of my fears, insecurities and doubts… pressing them up until they're all floating right here on the surface of my mind.

My go-to options for moments like these…. moments when the sadness and depression run bone-deep and the pain from it radiates… are alcohol or sex.

Unfortunately, sex is completely out of the question being that Briggs is all the way across the states, so I trudge down the stairs, praying that there's at least one shot of vodka left in the bottle in the freezer.

When I open the freezer door I see a box of Totinos pizza and instantly, I'm reminded of Rose. I haven't returned any of her calls or texts. It's not that I'm ignoring her, I mean, aside from my mom, Jess and Briggs, I've ignored everyone's calls and texts. I make a mental note that it's time to text her back while grabbing the grey goose bottle, inspecting the centimeter of liquid at the bottom, before putting it back into the freezer.

.

.

.

The next day passes and I fight the urge to go to the liquor store. I do laundry and clean instead.

I'm pretty proud of myself by the end of the day. I'm feeling adultish for the first time in my life.

Briggs calls when I go to bed and I love the high feeling he fills me with. He's so sweet to me, telling me about his day and how much he misses me. He doesn't miss an opportunity to tell me I'm beautiful, and all the things he wants to do to me when we see each other again.

We talk about his grandfather a little and he tells me that today wasn't so good. He says that a new nurse is going to start tomorrow, Mr. Hendry's regular nurse is nine months pregnant and she's about to bust, so he's worried that this also, might cause his grandfather to backslide. Even the smallest amount of change of routine can be a huge setback for patients with dementia. Guess we'll see how things go tomorrow.

We end our conversation on a positive note, I try not to sound so damn desperate, depressed and needy and Briggs is his usual, sweet, upbeat self.

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.

.

The next day, Jess isn't having it anymore. She's at my door, demanding I leave the house with her. So we end up at the Diner.

"So what ever happened with Edward Cullen?"

She drags a french fry through ketchup and then looks to me for an answer.

I breathe in and out, sighing heavily before beginning.

"I dunno, Jess. He's complicated."

Edward has called me three times since the last time I saw him. I don't know how I feel about it.

I mean, I do know.

I know that it's flattering that he's finally come around.

But honestly, could his timing be any worse? Like, where were you when I was single? Where were you when I wasn't in love with someone else?

And now he just decides this is the time to be a gentleman and not only that… but persistent?

The first voicemail he left, he sounded a little uneasy, like he didn't know what he was doing, but at the same time it was sweet.

"Bella, this is Edward." He was quiet for a moment, letting out a breath before speaking again. "I just want you to know that my shit is figured out. I'm ready." He was quiet again, longer than the first time, and my tummy tilted when I heard his last words. "And I'll be right here… ready when you are. Call me."

His timing is so frustrating. It's just confusing. He waited all this time. After all of my advances… and now, now he decides to act human. And I resent it. I also resent myself for even listening to his messages, reading his texts or even thinking about that kiss we shared after I've given all of myself to Briggs.

And no matter how hard I try to just ignore him… to keep from replying, to keep from replaying his voicemails, rereading his texts, I can't deny that I'm still intrigued by him.

He didn't leave a voicemail the second time he called. And he never calls twice in one day. But just this morning, he left another message and it got my attention.

"Bella, it's me again."

Always so patient with his words, he paused.

"Listen, I don't want to push you, I just…" He let out a long exhale. "Fuck, I don't know what I'm doing here, okay? I just know that I can't stop thinking about that kiss, and if you want me to back off, fine… I get it."

He went quiet for a moment and then a calm resolve slid through his tone. "Just let me take you to lunch. I won't touch you. I won't press. Just…"

He breathed out again and I could tell he was struggling and hearing Edward Cullen sound like he had some sort of heart inside that stone wall of skin he carried around, threw me so far off kilter.

"Fuck, why is this so hard? I just want to be your friend, alright? I fucked up from the beginning, I admit it. Let me start over, let me show you who I really am." He was quiet again. "Just give me a chance."

And then he hung up.

I replayed his message three times. And what I heard each time wasn't the pompous asshole that I met in the middle of the road. The person that left me that message is not someone with a heart of stone, but instead someone with a heart that is soft and strong, just like my own.

He does have feelings.

He does have a soul.

Edward Cullen apparently has so many layers, that there's a plethora of textures to him.

Can I _be_ so unforgiving and just continue to ignore him? Wouldn't that be _cruel?_

If what he says is true, and he won't push, I can do this.

I can be Edward's friend. But only because my conscience can't live with the thought of cruelly ignoring him. That's not who I am.

We finish eating and Jess tells me that Jake and Seth are supposed to be coming by in an hour and asks me to come home with her. She's nervous about seeing Seth.

I find it hilarious. And also? Jake? This is gonna be weird.

.

.

.

Jess has changed three times already. I've walked in and out of Briggs room three times before finally laying my head on his pillow. He's really gone. And I have no clue when he'll come home.

My phone vibrates.

I look to see a text.

It's Edward again.

**I'm not trying to rush you. I don't care if you haven't figured your shit out yet, just let me show you. I'll be a perfect gentleman. Give me one chance, Bella. I just want to be your friend.**

And so I pick up my phone, and punch out a text to him.

**thank you for the flowers**

And then I delete it and type **the flowers were beautiful. I'm free later.**

And then I delete that too.

Because the thought of being one-on-one with Edward Cullen makes me nervous.

But I can't ignore it. So, I just go for it, and press the little phone icon to call him instead.


	32. Chapter 33

**Intro to the next chapter**

* * *

Edward's wild heart had been locked in a cage since the tender age of ten. It was barricaded with tremendous sadness, feelings of loneliness, confusion, abandonment, and the jaded, bitter words of his father… "_She's not coming back."_

"_Love isn't real."_

Those feelings and those words had been strewn around Edward's tender heart, like chains.

There, in the confines of the safe cage… his heart grew thicker and thicker, remaining inactive as he aged.

It wouldn't be too long though, before changes would occur in Edward's body as well as his mind and heart.

First kisses, hasty touches and beautiful girls were happening at a pace he couldn't slow. And anytime Edward's heart had tendencies to come out of the cage, it was those chains that kept it there, pulling it tighter, keeping it confined.

Until years later.

When Edward had grown taller.

When he had matured.

When Edward had made bad decisions and needed a mother's guidance.

When Edward needed to be hugged. When Edward needed to feel loved.

When the girl in the frame.

When Charlie.

Chief Swan meant something to Edward. He respected him. And vice versa. It was that tender loving care and respect that broke away the first chain that said _love isn't real_.

Once that chain was broken, it loosened all the others. But still, Edward's heart was safe in the cage. So, afraid of the unknown, he'd kept it there, confined to the loose chains… not yet ready to break them.

Until a few days ago.

It was the fiery kiss he'd shared with Bella that broke away the rest of the chains restraining Edward's heart.

As his lips pressed to hers, the chains fell broken, one by one. First, the chain that said all women lie. Then the chain that said all women leave. Next the chain that said she's never coming back.

When Edward walked away from Bella that night, he walked away with an unchained heart for the first time since they'd been together as children. He felt almost restored by her.

The memories of abandonment and feelings of loneliness and confusion were still there floating around, but they were quieter now— the sound of them much softer.

There were no more chains holding his heart inside that cage he'd built, and whether or not he had the courage to free it, depended on her acceptance of him.

He couldn't take another rejection. She was the only other he'd ever opened the door for aside from his mother… if she pushed him aside, he was convinced that this time, he'd lock the door and throw away the key.

So as the days went by, Edward waited patiently knowing deep down, that she'd call when she was ready.

And she did.

* * *

**A/N: Edward's heart is a character all its own, I hope you enjoyed getting to know it a little more. Next chapter is pretty long, and back to first person. EPOV and BPOV, so I thought I'd cut a little of it and post this here, separate from it. Next one is all yours in thirty minutes. Thank you all for reading and reviewing, my apologies if I haven't replied, I've been tight on time, but I read every word and appreciate it more than you know.**

XOXO - ex


	33. Chapter 34

It's official.

I'm a pussy.

Against my better judgement, I took Emmett's advice to be totally honest and put myself out there. To show Bella my softer side, whatever that is.

I didn't even know I had a softer side.

And now I've never wanted to break into someone's house and find their phone to delete my voice mails, more in my life.

If this doesn't payoff- and I'll know by her tone and her words, if it did- Emmett's gonna get his skull cracked.

She's got my balls in her hand and she's pulling towards her… leaving me anchored right here, waiting for her acknowledgement.

I don't even care if she texts or calls back just to say fuck you, it's not happening. Which, I would change her mind if that's the case, but regardless... I need an answer.

This waiting isn't good for me. I fucked up three orders by noon today. And just now, I was supposed to order the brake pads for a 2014 model Silverado and ordered and a catalytic converter instead.

I decide to turn my phone on silent until I'm through the orders on my desk, and I toss it in the drawer.

About an hour and a half later, I double check the written orders, comparing them to the one's I've just placed online, and I lean back in my chair, saying a silent thank you to God that I was able to correct my fuck ups from this morning and get these last orders in right.

I reach into the drawer and pull my phone out to see a few notifications, one being a missed call from Bella.

Of course she would call the minute I put my phone down.

There's no voicemail but then again, that's not an option.

I don't call her back and I don't even think about it. I lock my office and ignore everyone on my way through the lobby, walking fast to my car.

Tires grip the pavement as I accelerate toward her house.

When there's no answer at her door I decide to just wait here.

We're gonna talk face to face. I won't push, but one way or another, I've gotta know how it's gonna be.

If I can just see her eyes… read her body language, I'll know.

* * *

When I hear commotion downstairs, I hang up the phone, tossing it on Briggs' pillow.

The second I turn the corner from the top of the stairs I look down to see Seth pulling Jess off her feet and into a soft sweet hug. Jake stands behind them, as they shuffle into the living room. He shuts the door and senses me coming down.

When I'm halfway down the stairs we look at each other, and it's not awkward like I anticipated… there's no guilt or tension in his eyes, and I don't feel any animosity or resentment.

My life has changed so much since my last rendezvous with Jake that it's just not important— what we used to be. So we both give each other half smiles, like friends do, and we say hi to each other.

He hugs me when I get closer to the bottom step and it's genuine and friendly, not a come-on type of hug.

Seth has carried Jess into the kitchen, I can hear her giggling and the muffled sounds he's making against her neck. Jake and I are alone in the foyer and he speaks first. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," I tell him, making my way to the sofa where I slouch down into the comfy cushions.

Jake looks really good today as always, layered in distressed denim and black leather… his shiny black hair is styled to perfection with a clean distinct part high on the side. The whites of his eyes give way to the almost fluorescent mints and ambers and when he smiles at me like this is awkward for him, I reach out, touching his hand to tell him everything's cool.

"You know it wasn't about you, right?" He says this with sincerity.

To be honest, my pride is a little bruised but I'm so cool with it… because he's right. It's just as much not about me as it wasn't about him. We weren't cut out for an intimate relationship. Like right now… this feels right. This friendship.

"I get it, Jake… trust me. You and Rose are good together. I knew how much she was into you. I told her to go for it."

"She told me. I still need to apologize." His leather jacket makes sounds as he twists into a more comfortable position.

"You don't owe me an apology, Jake."

"No, I do. I shouldn't have let it go down like that, without at least talking to you first. You know… clearing our thing up."

"I think you and I both knew that our thing wasn't really going anywhere." I cut my eyes to him.

"Ouch." He rests his hand over his heart playing like he's just taken a bullet and I laugh at him.

"Jake." I nudge him giggling, "You know what I mean. I'm just saying spare the apology. It's cool, I promise."

"Damn girl. At least pretend like it was fun while it lasted, you know. Leave me a little dignity here."

"Says the guy that fucked my friend while I was still there." I turn my eyes to him with a twisted smile on my lips. I don't mean it. I'm just giving him a hard time. It's what he came here for anyway.

"Ooh. I'm gonna need an ambulance." He's laying back on the couch looking up to the ceiling, feigning death and it's funny. I like him so much better this way.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." I fake punch him in the arm and tell him that he's not the only one who's sorry. "You aren't the only one that was dishonest. Pretty sure I was in love with Briggs for a while before we got together. "

He looks up at me then and his smile is bright when he says, "He's really into you, you know?"

My smile reflects his. This is the last thing I pictured Jake and I doing. Sitting on a couch side by side, sharing smiles and talking about how much we like Briggs and Rose.

"It's funny how things have a way of working out, you know? I'm not blind, Bella. I caught the looks between you and Briggs every now and then. And I'll just be straight with you, I've always had a thing for Rose. It just wouldn't go away. It just happened the way it did, you know?"

"I know. Same with Briggs and I. It was never planned. It just happened."

"So you and me," he points to himself and then to me. "We're good?"

"Of course, we are."

I bop him on the knee when he smiles and he reaches around me, pulling my shoulders into his side, giving me a brief hug. "Rose is worried you know."

"I know, I'm gonna call her, I've just been busy."

"I told her. She knows what's been going on, but she thinks you're mad at her."

"What did she say when you told her I was with Briggs?"

"You think she'd be pissed about that?"

He looks at me surprised and continues, "Gah, give me a little credit at least. You think I'm gonna be with a girl that's in love with another dude? Besides you, obviously."

"Ooh, you fight dirty." I roll my eyes at him and elbow his ribcage. "I just mean because they dated and I never mentioned this thing I had for him."

He lifts his large black boots up onto the table, "Nah, she's good with it. She said you guys were a perfect fit."

That's a relief. Not that I was actually worrying over Rose's approval of mine and Briggs' relationship, I just don't care for tension in any area of my life. If I can avoid it, I do.

"Looks like we both dodged a bullet then."

"Right?" He holds his hand out for a fist bump and after we bump knuckles Seth comes around the corner with Jess in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist.

They don't acknowledge us as he whisks her away and up the stairs. When we hear her bedroom door slam behind them we both smile, knowing what's about to go down.

I'm reminded that I left my phone upstairs and tell him that I'll be right back.

I try to ignore the sounds coming from Jess's room as I quietly creep up the stairs. She's never going to stop talking about this, I already know I'll get an ear full tonight.

When I grab my phone I look to see if Edward has called me back and I see a text from Briggs. Feelings trickle through as I clomp back down the stairs.

_Guilt _

_Longing _

_Need _

Jake's got a beer in his hand, must've helped himself.

He takes a gulp and looks up to me. "What's wrong, Angel?"

"Briggs texted a minute ago. I just miss him."

"Tell me about it. Shit's not the same here without him." He stands up, pulling his phone from his back pocket before sitting back down.

"How's his grand dad doing?"

"It's different every day. The last I checked it wasn't so good though."

"Yeah, that sucks man. He told me a little about it before he left. It's a hard pill to swallow."

"Yeah."

Jake turns to me and speaks, "I met Briggs when we were just kids, man. And we clicked from day one. Been by each other's side since."

"He really cares about you, Jake."

"When I was little, I remember asking for a brother for Christmas every year. And every year I went to the tree expecting one."

He laughs and shakes his head like it's such a silly thing, but I look at Jake with new eyes. I see the small, lonely child there, not the hard core, grown Jake I've known. And I don't know why, but this feels important. That he's sharing this with me, so I tell him to go on.

"After my twelfth birthday I gave up asking for a brother. When I met Briggs he didn't have much family, you know… Jess and her mom. We just kind of took to each other. He's been the brother I've always wanted. I love him, you know? I mean yeah, I've got my other guys but Briggs… he means a lot to me."

He looks at me and I tell him that I do know. Because I love him too. And I know how much Briggs respects Jake.

So I tell Jake how Briggs loves him too. How he put boundaries between us for months and how he told me he wouldn't cross Jake and not to push him to do that.

"I hope he gets back here soon."

"I do too. I need to call him back. Will you tell Jess that I'll call her later? I'm gonna walk back to my place."

"I'ma head out in a few too. No tellin' how long they'll be up there." He smiles pointing up to Jess's room as he stands up next to me and pulls me into a hug, "Tell our boy to hurry up and get back home to us, alright?"

"I'll tell him."

.

.

.

I leave through Jess's back door and dial Briggs. When I reach the butterscotch peonies he comes into view on my screen. He's sweating again. At the gym again.

Looking so hot again.

"Hey baby."

"Hey." I smile.

His voice. It's so warm and sexy and home and the hurt of missing him swells up from below, rising gradually to my throat, threatening to form tears.

I crunch through the pine needles as I walk staring at my screen. "You almost done?"

"You caught me on my last rep. Done."

"Why do you work out so much?" I ask him...teasing.

He angles the screen to his bicep as he flexes and then it's back on his gorgeous face. He speaks low, letting out a guttural breath while putting the weight he holds back on the rack. "So I can pick you up in these big arms and put you on this big dick any way I want to."

His words take my breath and the need to be close to him and touch him is so strong.

I wonder if it's as bad for him as it is me.

"I can't take it, babe. You can't say stuff like that to me while you're so far away."

"Oh, you can take it. You took it _all_, remember?" He's got a teasing smile on his face and it kills.

"Briggs." I laugh at him but my tone is sad. I meant what I said, he's killing me.

"Yeah. We gotta get you on a plane. I need to be inside you." He's serious.

"I've never been to New York and I'm not good with directions. I'd never make it."

He's laughing at me now.

"You think I'd let you fly across the country and not meet you at the airport? What kinda guy you think I am?"

We're both laughing at me now. But it feels like we're both grasping onto this relationship through the phone. And it hasn't even been one week. And who knows _now_, how many weeks or even worse, months, it might be.

I'm not giving up on this relationship for anything, but the fear that Briggs might… that's what keeps me on edge.

I'm no genius when it comes to men, but I do know that if you aren't making your man happy, giving him sex and telling him how great he is, there's a whole world of other beautiful women out there who will. I don't know how long Briggs is used to going without sex. I know his last relationship was nine months ago, and I'm not dumb enough to believe he actually went that long without it, especially after seeing how some of The Clubhouse staff ogle him.

He's running up the stairs to his grandfather's place now, I recognize the door he's just come to.

When the door opens he drops his gym bag by the door and he asks if it's okay for him to check on his grandfather. I tell him of course as he walks toward the room at the end of the hall.

When he enters, the first thing I notice is the beautiful woman by the bed at the window.

She's got shiny dark hair that hangs to the middle of her back and even though she has on scrubs, they accentuate all her curves like they were tailored just for her.

Briggs tells her hello, and she looks straight at his phone as he says, "This is Bella. Bella this is Nahuel… Pop's new nurse."

She smiles bright and the normal reaction to meeting someone is to smile back, but I'm so taken aback by how beautiful she is that it's hard for me to behave the way that I need to. A whole array of feelings flood through, but I try to get a grip and politely tell her it's nice to meet her as Briggs moves on to his grandfather to whom I force a wide, sweet smile across my face.

I'm so caught off guard.

Feeling like I'm breaking down but acting like I'm not is a hard feat, but I push through. Why am I reacting this way?

I ask Mr. Hendry how he's feeling and try my best to follow his answer without listening to the tiny voices in my head that scream there's a girl next to Briggs and it's not me.

When Briggs is satisfied with checking on his grandfather he turns to Nahuel to ask her about the hour that he's been gone and they talk to each other like they've known each other for years.

Isn't this the new nurse? The one that just started?

They smile at each other and she makes a little joke about not letting Mr. Hendry give her a hard time when she fed him his chicken and green beans for lunch.

It makes Briggs laugh.

I don't want her to make him laugh.

This feeling inside has thrown me off my game.

I'm so stuck in my head in these racing thoughts that I don't even want to talk to Briggs right now, but I smile when he turns the phone back to his face and I see her in the background watching him go as he walks out of the room and down the hall.

"I looked at flights and I want you to come in next week."

"Next week." I swallow. It's not like I have any plans but I don't like flying. I wasn't really prepared to even have to fly to see him, always assumed that he would be right back home.

"Yeah, if you could come next Wednesday that would be good."

"I'll look at my calendar and get back to you. I'm pretty busy though."

I tease him and silently pat myself on the back for digging up some humor when it's the last thing I feel right now.

"So how's he doing today, with the change and all?"

"So far, so good. He's a little more confused today than usual… not wanting to eat and stuff, but Nahuel is really good with him."

"She seems really nice."

"Yeah, we got lucky with her. Pops liked her the minute he met her."

"That's cool."

I refrain from acting like a ten year old and sticking my finger in my mouth and making a vom sound. Instead, I smile while he goes on about her photography she showed him last night.

"Besides the nursing, she's got some sick photography skills too. She took some cool pics of Pop's hands, and when she showed them to me I was blown away. She's instagram famous from her stuff... got a whole account with the photos she's taken on them. Some really cool stuff."

"You never seemed like the instagram type to me, what else do I not know about you?"

I tease him, but really feel like hanging up and crying. _Why am I being such a child._

"I don't do any of that stuff, you know that. I just thought her work was pretty cool. Unique stuff."

"Like what?"

"Stills of people. Body parts. People alone, people together."

"Like porn?" I dodge the tree I nearly walked right into and come to the fence.

"No… not like that. Girly romance stuff, that you would like, they looked professional."

"Cool."

I mean, what else do I say to that. I'm not really interested in anything about this girl at all. Why is he?

He tells me that his grandfather got out of bed last night and almost face planted. That if he hadn't fallen asleep in the chair next to him, it could have been bad. And then he starts to tell me about Nahuel's shifts and how she's going to take every other night so that he can get some rest and I feel heat flare up inside me.

She's young, like me… except she's sickeningly gorgeous. Long, shiny, dark hair. Big, light, whisky colored eyes. Makeup is perfect. Eyebrows perfect. Lips, perfect. Cleavage, outstanding. Voice, sweet and innocent. Everything about her is exceptional.

She made scrubs look sexy but she didn't act like she knew it.

She was tentative and patient as she helped sit Mr. Hendry up, holding the small cup to his mouth after I'd told him goodbye. There was a kind and gentle air about her, which was immediately attractive. Admirable.

And I instantly liked her, because there's nothing to dislike. She's given no reason for any other reaction.

There's a sick, nauseous feeling oozing all over me though. Pretty sure it's jealousy, I just don't want to admit it.

But I am.

I'm so jealous and I hate that there's a gorgeous girl in the same house with Briggs.

And I hate her too.

She's done absolutely nothing to make me hate her. She's beautiful, kind and obviously caring.

But she's there, with Briggs, being beautiful… walking around looking like a sex bag and I'm not. If I can tell how gorgeous she is, then I _know_ Briggs does as well. And she's his type. The pretty type. The sweet, smart type. She has a career, looks, she's kind. She'd be good for him even.

They talk to each other like they've known each other for a lifetime, their body language is comfortable. Friendly. But more than that, they have chemistry. It's a friendly chemistry, they have, but still.

I've always been strongly in tune with my intuition, and it's never been wrong.

I can tell that if I weren't in the equation, it might be different for them, like a whole new relationship possibility— different.

I try to calm my jealous thoughts and remind myself that she is his grandfather's new caretaker as Briggs continues talking to me about his night, and I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and quit listening to my jealousy.

Maybe he is just trying to get to know what he can about her before turning his grandfather over to her alone, I don't know. And I just don't care.

"So about this flight. You think you can get back to me by tonight to let me know so I can buy the tickets?"

I hear his question, but this sadness is taking over me and I've never wanted to feel pretty or relevant more in my life than I do right now.

I walk around the edge of the house and stop suddenly at the sight in my driveway, quick to turn my phone from Briggs' view… forgetting that he can't see in front of me when he's looking _at _me.

Adrenaline takes over, leaving my nerves in the dust. I turn the volume on my phone down as my brain starts to work for the first time our entire conversation and I quickly turn back to the side of the house telling Briggs that I'll call him back in a bit, that I'll go check to see if next Wednesday can work.

He's not upset with my abrupt decision to get off the phone, but sweetly tells me he loves me and it makes me melt as I lean against the house, quietly telling him that I feel the same. That I can't stand being without him.

"Hey." He says before I disconnect.

"Yeah."

"Smile for me before you go."

And I do.

When the screen goes black, I try to gather my breath. And still my beating heart.

Before taking another step, I try to tamp down all of these icky feelings that make me feel so insignificant right now.

The sight of Edward Cullen in my driveway, leaning against his car, has my heart pounding wildly out of my chest.

I take a deep breath and step off the side of the house, walking until Edward comes back into view.

The sight of him has me feeling nervous, and adrenaline is racing.

He's so tall, standing against the slick white Vette with his hands in his pockets. His wild hair moves with the breeze and when his eyes meet mine, there's a metal thread connecting our gaze and a massive current runs through. A buzzing, almost tangible, energy crackles between us.

This couldn't be a worse time, my vulnerability is at its highest, but this couldn't be a better time because I don't want to be alone with my doubts, fears and insecurities. I need this distraction, and as I come closer he doesn't move, but keeps his intense eyes glued on mine.

And here it is again, that open-book feeling. Like he can read how I'm feeling. What I'm thinking. That I'm nearly knocked out by the sight of him.

My eyes burn embarrassment at the thoughts running through. How handsome he is. How I'm not one hundred percent sure of myself around him, how intimidating he is. How I like the way he dresses. Nice and clean cut. How his eyes pool with the same beautiful bright amber color that runs through Jake's eyes.

It takes years to get to him and he's so calm and patient as I come close. He runs a hand through his wild hair, eyes still on me and he brings his palms together, rubbing them against each other… like he can't wait for this conversation.

I feel like I'm not ready and I'm momentarily distracted by his rolled up sleeves, and that big silver watch on his wrist. I'm turned on. And before I can stop myself, my eyes head downward. But I gather some self control as I step onto the gravel and the scent of his cologne hits me.

Eyes back on his, he smiles. "You called?"

"I did."

I have a shaky nervous feeling inside as I approach him, but his warm voice is soothing when he speaks. "How you doing?" His eyes search mine as I quietly look up to this tall beautiful creature in front of me. He's sincere, studying my eyes, always looking deeper.

"I'm good."

"You don't look like everything is good." He softly puts a strand of my hair behind my ear, keeping distance between us.

I don't know how he does this thing he does, how he peels me open like this. It's both unnerving as well as nice. For some reason, it makes me feel like I mean something when he looks below the surface. And I know it's not right, but I like this feeling.

"It's just been one of those days, you know?" His gaze is still intense and I turn to lean against the side of his car with him, staring out toward the late afternoon sun.

"You too, huh?" He twists the watch on his wrist, bringing the face from its crooked position back to the center.

"How was your day?" I ask him while acknowledging that this small talk thing has never happened with us.

I need it right now to calm this shaky nervousness inside though. I'm thankful he didn't go right into talking about that kiss. Or us.

He steps from the car and my eyes follow his body as walks around us, speaking. "I fucked up everything I touched today."

"Work?" I ask him.

"Among other things."

We're silent for a moment and this buzzing intensity gets louder and louder until he speaks, breaking the silence.

"Are you hungry?"

I ate at the diner earlier with Jess but that was hours ago, and I just picked at my food… my stomach growls just then, before I can answer and Edward's lips stretch wide in a humorous smile as he steps forward and opens his passenger door.

He doesn't ask. And he doesn't have to.

"Get in."

I appease him and walk around as he holds the door for me. I sense him breathe in when I'm beside him and it's erotic how he comes so close to the back of my neck, breathing in, but makes it seem perfectly platonic and normal.

I can smell him all around me, and I try to remember if I put on perfume this morning or not. Probably not. I've been so lazy with my appearance since Briggs left. Thankfully I put on makeup and dressed half decent.

I dip down low and fold into the seat, loving the smell of new leather and Edward's scent. He gently closes the door and he's beside me in no time.

He brings his cleanly shaved face so close to mine as he reaches over, pulling my seat belt towards him and fastening it, and I look to him thinking I could have done it myself but_ jesus_.

He smells _so_ good.

Once his belt is buckled the roar of the engine sounds and he pulls slowly out of my driveway.

This is the last thing I thought I would be doing this afternoon. It sure beats sitting at home thinking about the hot nurse and all the miles between Briggs and I.

The minute Edward passes the first light, he looks at me and smiles as he presses the pedal down and it sits us both back, pushing us into our seats as we pick up speed.

A huge smile breaks out over my face and my hands slide under my thighs as he speeds down the road and I squeal.

"You're a maniac." I tell him through my smile.

"I'm a good driver," he corrects me. He's got one hand on the wheel, the other on the gear shift as he pops it into 5th and his watch slinks down a little.

He's going way too fast and I'm loving it.

There's still a heavy nervous feeling in my belly and when his fingers brush my thigh before he reaches to turn the volume up, a zing runs through me.

I look at him and he's watching the road as heavy notes seep out from the speakers. The strums of a guitar sound and a deep dark melody begins before a humming bass line buzzes.

I've never heard the song before but it sounds just like this ride feels.

Intense.

His speakers are loud and crisp. Every time he glances at me, it feels so heavy… so seductive. But it's just a glance.

This is that same feeling I get at a live music set. The awesome feeling of each beat seeping in through the chest, and the blood beats out and syncs to it's rhythm as the melody starts to play. The bass line hums making you want to move and then that strong powerful voice sounds out, so loud and so melodic and all of those things come together to form such a sweet crescendo of senses and you don't want that song or that moment to ever end.

That's also what being alone with Edward is like. His body language. His stare. His confident control. Just the air around us, all of those things build up to this crackling intense energy.

We don't talk as he speeds through town, but we share a look every few minutes and when his gaze meets mine, I feel like he reads me like an open book. Just one scan of his eyes, I'm laid out for him to see.

And it turns me on.

And that's the problem.

I wonder if he has the same thoughts that I do. If he's thinking about that kiss like I am right now, and I squeeze my thighs together.

I can't control the tummy flips that continue their assault as we whiz past the San An sign.

When the song ends, we pull to the red light and he looks over to me and asks me if Italian is okay and I tell him that I love Italian.

"I know the perfect spot."

I turn my phone off and pocket it, feeling my wild heart race along with the car, as we pull from the light.

* * *

A/N: Please check out the tumblr for new updated spoiler's and Thrust's new banners... I love them. Just a reminder that I don't do betas. Sorry for any mistakes.

Fic rec: The Waste Land by BZA

She's a young writer and this is her first story. I found her when she fav'd Thrust (I like to know what all of my readers are writing and reading) and I was blown away by her pretty words with just 4 reviews. She's working on the second chapter now and I would love it if you would give it a read and send some encouragement her way.

Thank you all so much for reading. I cannot wait to give you these next few chapters. How did you like the sweet new nurse, Nahuel?


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

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	35. Chapter 35

**This updated yesterday but the alert just now went out because ffn is f*cking with all of us.**

**XOXO, Ex**

* * *

The delicious smell of simmering tomatoes and crushed garlic surrounds as the young hostess greets us. She grabs menus and silverware for two, motioning for us to come with her. I regret not wearing something a little nicer today.

Sounds of smooth, classic jazz and clinking silverware flow about as we're led through the dimly lit restaurant. High above us, there are twinkly lights strung from the rafters and green ivy hangs, giving an enchanted garden feel to the quaint and casual atmosphere. It's comfortable and charming here and with Edward following so closely behind, it's electric. I can feel his eyes on my skin as I move.

The setting is intimate, no children in sight, only couples sprinkled around, each leaning into the other, talking quietly… enjoying their meals as we come to a secluded booth in the back corner.

Once we're seated, we listen to the hostess give her suggestions for starters before telling us our waitress will be right over.

We sit in comfortable silence, looking over the menu, trading glances at one another… trading smiles when we catch each other glancing.

This is something different… this thing between Edward and me, and had I just taken a moment longer to actually _think_ about what I was doing…

My nerves flare up as I briefly panic that I've made the wrong decision. Less than thirty minutes ago I was on the phone with Briggs talking about flying out for a visit and now here I sit, a blur of moments later, wondering how this even happened.

I'm having dinner with Edward Cullen.

And I don't know that I'm strong enough for this.

Because temptation has eyes that speak silent seductive words... and had I known the this magnetic attraction would be so strong, even after Briggs, I might have thought this over a little more.

But temptation is persuasive.

And I'm feeling a little weak.

"What can I get you to drink?" Heavy in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed the waitress at my side, but it's a most welcome interruption.

"I'll take a shot of your house tequila and a glass of Pinot Grigio, please."

Edward looks to me with surprise, but orders a beer, with a polite 'thank you,' instead of commenting on my gluttonous choice of beverages.

He doesn't speak until the waitress is out of earshot. His eyes burn intensely and an amused smirk rises as he sits across from me. "Do I make you nervous, Bella?"

I give him honesty as I cross my legs under his continued stare. "Yes. Very."

This thing between us is something visceral; it's alive and seems to be spreading with unstoppable force.

"And you think a few drinks will cure that?" He's got a sarcastic tone, and a confident smile.

Without looking at him I reply, "It'll calm my nerves. Hopefully." I nervously move the medallion on my necklace back and forth along the chain as I watch an elderly man, a few tables away, help his wife out of her chair.

He laughs a little, briefly looking down, letting his long dark lashes fall against his cheeks before opening back up to eyes that hint at sincerity and playfulness.

"You don't have to be nervous with me, Bella. I'm not gonna bite you. Not tonight at least."

My belly burns with nerves, my anxiety peaking every time we speak.

"Okay… thanks, I guess?"

And now we sit with a giant elephant between us. One that I'm trying to ignore. One that he isn't.

I try to keep my eyes from his as I nervously scan the menu. I don't know how to look at him and not be attracted to him.

He's gorgeous, seductive and in-charge.

And he knows it.

And while I'm so glad that we're steering clear of having _the_ conversation, I think it's making the anticipation of it that much worse. It would be better to just get it out of the way so that I can fucking breathe.

The waitress slides the shot and the glass of wine in front of me and the relief I feel with my hands around the tiny glass spreads instantly as I take it back. She doesn't even get the lemon wedge to the table before the clear liquid warms me and she asks, in an amused tone, if I'd like another.

I tell her no thank you and she acquiesces, placing a glass of ice water and a draft beer in front of Edward before leaving.

Edward continues to stare at me.

It's driving me insane. Feeling like I'm under a microscope.

"Edward, I have a boyfriend." The warmth from the liquor hasn't even spread all the way up yet and it comes out.

"And?" He quickly replies, unbothered, because nothing fazes him.

"And I'm thinking that maybe, I dunno." I nervously chew on my lip before continuing, "Maybe I shouldn't be here... with you... like this."

I focus in on the tiny candle in the center of the table as he replies.

"Bella, whatever you've got going on with that Jake guy… that's between you and him. I don't need to know about it."

I look at him then and he continues in that tone he sometimes gets. "You're you, I'm me, and we're friends. This is completely separate from that."

He brings the frosty mug to his lips and I watch as he takes a sip and places the mug back on the table, his eyes back on mine. He speaks again.

"Ease up… it's not like I brought you here to strip you naked and fuck you senseless on the table in front of everyone. You can relax." There's a wide, suggestive smile across his face.

Despite what just came out of his mouth, I toss aside the visual he's just knowingly placed because I'm stuck on the mention of Jake. So I take the glass of wine, sipping more casually than I would like to before speaking.

"Jake isn't my boyfriend." I say this to my glass of wine as I set it on the table with hopes that I don't gulp it down the next time it meets my lips.

"So tell me what I'm missing." He's so cool and relaxed, arm across the back of the booth, beer in his hand.

"I'm gonna need another drink for this." I can't believe I'm about to spill all of this.

"Maybe it's not alcohol that you need."

_He's not gonna make this easy._

I take another sip of wine, as gracefully as my nerves will allow, and with his sincere voicemails in mind... I go with honesty. "That thing you saw with Jake and me, that was just me trying to get under your skin."

"You were already there." The words leave his lips instantly, he says them with ease.

And there he goes again. The sending me flowers, leaving sweet voicemails, showing up at my house, inviting me to dinner, looking and smelling so damn good it's hard for me to concentrate. The small fleeting touches, intense looks, his fucking words.

How he looks at me when he speaks.

He's coming in like the ocean… big waves.

I just need enough air to get this out without his words that put me right back under.

Every time.

The fear that I'll be defeated before I'm even able to start the fight looms heavily over me, and I don't know what that means for my relationship with Briggs. The very one I feel like I'm defending. The one that has me feeling so weak now.

"I'm with Briggs."

He puts his beer down and waits on me to finish, so I continue.

"Briggs kind of happened that same night… after I saw you."

"You didn't just _see_ me that night, from what I recall..." He looks to me with a raised brow and suggestive eyes. "But let me get this straight… you've been with this guy two seconds and you're calling him your boyfriend?"

It all sounds so elementary. Me hanging on Jake, then kissing Edward and then claiming a boyfriend. I mean, on paper it looks preposterous. It certainly sounds ridiculous, but I lived it. It was anything but.

"It's not like that Edward, I've known him for months now. I met him the same day I met you…"

He briefly looks offended and leans in speaking softly, "You met me long before that day, Bella." His eyes look deeper into me, reminding me of a past so long ago it's hard to recall.

"You know what I mean Edward... it's all been building up since that day and it just… happened that night."

He smiles, shrugging off any offense he might have felt, "And now you're here with me." He says this matter-of-factly.

"Short version, yes."

"The way I see it, I was first. And look at you now, after all of them. I'm last as well." He has a boastful look on his face.

His effort is flattering, but I feel like I have to gain some control here.

"I'm not a game, Edward. You said we could be friends."

His calm, friendly demeanor is whisked away and replaced with a serious, pleading tone as he speaks quietly. "Is that what you really want, Bella?" He leans in, closer to me. "You want me to just be your friend?"

I move my eyes from his.

"You're only twenty-two years old…"

I lift up in rebuttal, "I'll be twen.."

"Twenty-three in a month. I know."

I look at him puzzled. He raises an eyebrow, "I know a lot more about you than you think I do, Bella." He gives me a pointed look.

I don't even know what to say. It all sounds so stupid that I'm kind of embarrassed and feeling juvenile. But then again, Edward always had a way of making me feel like that. Like he's somehow more adult than I am.

But now he has me thinking… does Briggs know when my birthday is? Do I know when his is? Does that matter?

Edward senses my discomfort and speaks softly from across the table,"I'll be whatever you want me to be Bella. You want me to be your friend? You got it."

His phone vibrates and he presses a button to dismiss a phone call, looking briefly from his phone and back to me before speaking again. "I'm not trying to run your life or force you into anything." He takes another sip of his beer and reaches across the table, taking my fingers from the glass of wine I'm rubbing. "I'll be here when you're ready… I'll be right here when you realize that I'm the guy for you." And when he lets my fingers go, I miss his touch immediately.

He's making this incredibly hard. Seeing this soft side of him is making me question everything.

The waitress is beside us then and the seriousness of this conversation has taken my appetite. "Are you ready to order?"

I sit quietly, still tossing over everything he's just said.

I take another sip of wine, looking to him, and he orders for both of us. I don't mind… I can't think straight much less decide on a meal.

.

.

.

In cocky Edward fashion, a large decorated plate of steamed mussels and oysters are placed in the middle of the table. Edward immediately preps each aphrodisiac with a squeeze of lemon.

I tell him I'm having none of it.

He lifts a crooked smile that says otherwise, while squeezing, "So where is this guy you call your boyfriend?"

I don't even want to say but it spills right out as I frown at the second glass of wine in my grip. "He's in New York."

Edward smiles, tossing the lemon to the side and lifts his beer, his eyes shining in victory, "How convenient for me then."

I politely say what has to be said. "Edward you've gotta stop."

His effort is humorous and I must admit, flattering… but right now, it's hard enough as it is.

And now I find myself in Briggs shoes, back in Jess's kitchen, that day he told me not to make it hard on him. When he set those boundaries between us.

_Irony is such a bitch._

"I'll make a deal with you." He reaches for an oyster, placing the shell in his fingers. "You eat one of these, and I'll back off."

He says this so earnestly, like his life depends on it.

The alcohol helps with the thought of the slimy object sliding down my throat as I take it out of his hand, grabbing the tiny fork and placing it in my mouth.

Once I swallow, I smile to him with one question. "So… friends?"

He agrees. "Friends."

.

.

.

We continue on sharing food and talking freely. The alcohol calms my nerves and believe it or not, Edward Cullen makes me laugh.

He shares memories of elementary with me…memories of kids I had long forgotten coming to the forefront of my mind. I smile fondly when he reminds me how I used to share my lunch with him and when he tells me why, my heart stutters. A blurry memory of him flits through my mind and it feels warm.

He fills me in on his girlfriend and goes on to tell me about their split, that it wasn't as awful as he thought it would be, for her. It was worse on his dad than anyone. His dad was furious with him because one of his most important clients was her father.

And I briefly feel sorry for Edward having to live with a father like that. How selfish can someone be? To put their greed above their own son's needs?

I've gotten a view into Edward Cullen's hardened heart through this conversation, his smile, his sincere laughs. Those voicemails he left and his tender touch, also said a lot about him but seeing his face when he talks about his mother is something different.

I get the feeling that, deep deep down, Edward is more tender than anyone could ever imagine.

.

.

.

Stuffed with various pastas, seafood and wine, I can't entertain the thought of dessert. Edward seems to agree as he asks for the check and then turns his soft eyes back to me.

Somewhere in between the talk of just friends, the laughter and the memories of our childhoods… the intensity and nervousness dropped away, and was replaced with a soft glowing feeling of warmth and fun.

A feeling of comfort.

.

.

.

He leads me through the charming restaurant touching the small of my back… making me feel a deep desire for him that I try my best to push far far away.

Night has fallen and once we pass through the door to the parking lot, a calm breeze blows. He gently sees me into the passenger side of his car before making his way beside me once again.

Edward doesn't speed on the dark ride home.

He takes his time, glancing over at me every few minutes or so. It makes heat prickle over my skin.

Pressed into leather, and consumed by Edward Cullen's scent, I squeeze my legs tightly together anticipating how the rest of this will go. That crackling intensity has begun to flare its way back up my spine.

The change of scenery, from the warm fuzzy flow of the alcohol in the comfortable dim-lit booth, to the close confines of this dark small car has shifted the energy from calm and warm, to intense... and heavy with desire.

With words no longer flowing, it's clear we both have silent thoughts that are screaming.

I don't know how to break the silence without making it more awkward and as if on cue, his knuckles graze my thigh again as he reaches to turn the volume up, saving me from myself.

We ride in silence, both lost in our thoughts.

When we arrive in my driveway he shifts into neutral and turns the engine off, cutting the music as well.

It's silent and there's just us now.

I forgot to turn the porch light on earlier, so aside from the pale moonlight sinking onto the dashboard, and the dull gaze from the street light behind, darkness surrounds us.

Edward doesn't move and I don't either.

When I look at him, his eyes sparkle in the darkness and he speaks.

"Thank you for having dinner with me tonight." He lays his head against the headrest and his eyes gaze from mine, down, over my body.

It sets me on fire.

The alcohol has me envisioning inviting him in and giving into every ounce of desire I've withheld from myself tonight.

Nerves spike and adrenaline shoots panic through me as I struggle for the right words to say. The right way to behave... one moment I'm under his spell and going with the flow and the next, I'm reminded of Briggs. My responsibility to our relationship.

"I had fun." I say as I turn to dig for my key, letting my hair fall. The distraction from the look on his face is much needed.

As I dig through my purse I feel his finger on my skin. A soft touch tracing my cheek, pulling the curtain of hair that divides us, back, over my shoulder.

His voice is almost a whisper, "Why are you limiting your options when you're so young, Bella."

He says this with such a sad tone… it's not a question, he's making a statement.

I can't look at him. The way he looked at me alone struck me and now, feeling him touch me again?

"What do you mean?" I play dumb, still fumbling through my purse looking for the keys that are in plain sight.

I'm tired… all the treading through his waves earlier has worn me out. And when he doesn't answer, I look at him—his pleading eyes— and it takes the last of what little fight I had left.

He speaks with a determined matter-of-fact tone, "You can lie to yourself all you want, you can say that we'll just be friends, and I'll play along… I'll be that." He says the last three words earnestly, making sure I get his sincerity, and then continues, shaking his head, "But I know you don't really want that. There's a part of you that want's to see where this could go."

I can feel the blood pool at the surface of my cheeks. He's exactly right. I do want to see where it could go.

But I can't.

Briggs has been the forefront of almost every thought I've had since he woke me that night. But these new thoughts, this new possibility… it's very real. And what Edward's saying makes sense to me, I just...

I can't agree with him out loud, but if I were to deny it I'd be lying.

"Thanks for being my friend, Edward. I really enjoyed dinner." I reach to get out of the car and when I've got one leg out he loosely grabs my arm.

"Tell me you'll at least think about what I said tonight, and I'll never bring it up again."

I turn to look at him over my shoulder and I smile, before I stand, moving to close the door behind me. "You said that at dinner, too." My tone relays that I'm not upset with him. I understand why he isn't giving up the fight, and sadly, I like it.

I'm the worst girlfriend alive right now.

My fingers shake as I walk up the steps, feeling Edward's eyes on me.

A heavy sense that I've just done something wrong falls over me and I couldn't be more conflicted as the thought of Briggs once again crosses my mind.

Edward doesn't leave until I'm inside with the door locked and I instantly breathe a sigh of relief when his tail lights hit the road.

The more I think about what he said… 'you're so young,' 'you're limiting your options,' 'you know you want to see where this could go,' every single thing he said is so true.

But I'm with Briggs and I don't want to lose him.

When you fall in love you go all in, right? And that's what I did. I went all in with Briggs. But the question if _he_ went all in with me is big and bold in my mind.

And now this overwhelming sense of responsibility to this new friendship I've forged with Edward weighs heavily.

And it's confusing to me. To feel so strongly about two people.

I don't love Edward.

But now I can't be positive that what I feel for Briggs is love either. Would I feel such response to Edward if this thing between Briggs and me was real love?

Endless questions sound in my head, but only one answer is certain.

I don't have all the answers, I only have my heart. And my heart tells me to hang onto Briggs and to be kind to Edward.

So that's just what I'll do while I'm figuring this whole thing out.

.

.

.

I wake to bright sunlight streaming through my window. Yawning, I pull the covers from my legs as I grab my phone from the nightstand.

I called Briggs a few times last night. He didn't answer.

I maybe got four hours of sleep last night. Mostly tossing, turning… thoughts of Briggs, thoughts of Briggs with Nahuel, thoughts of Edward and his seductive glare.

Rose also called last night. I answered and I'm glad I did. It felt good to get unfinished business squared away.

There's a commonality I have with Rose… I knew I couldn't just give up on her. I see the good in her, and I see the pain on her surface, how she hides from it just like I do, in the comfortable numb of distractions.

It was good to hear her voice, her contagious enthusiasm. We were able to talk about that night at the Clubhouse, and Briggs and me. While it was a tiny bit awkward, we were right back to laughing and chatting like normal in no time. She's twisted over Jake, which I find entertaining but not surprising. They make a cute couple.

She asked me to go to her brother's house with her tonight, he's having a get together and she promised him she'd come. Said she can't bring Jake, so I told her I'd be happy to go.

I had no idea Rose even had a brother, much less a _twin_.

My phone lights up with a call from Briggs.

I answer, so glad to hear his voice.

"Hey baby."

"Hey."

I can tell by his tone that something's wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm hungover as fuck…" He breathes in and lets out a long breath before continuing exasperatingly. "And everything's upside down right now. Pops isn't doing good, and there's some shit goin' down with the club."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know much yet, I just know the Sheriff showed up there around 3am this morning with a warrant to search the place. She got one of my guns that wasn't registered… found some weed, but nothing major that I know of yet."

A dreadful feeling dumps on my chest. "Briggs… I'm so sorry. Is anyone in trouble?"

"No one got arrested but they seized a lot of our shit, and some stuff that wasn't ours, including one of the custom bikes we were working on. I gotta get back to town and help Jake figure this out."

"So you're coming home?" I can't help the excitement in my voice and I feel bad for being excited when it's under these terms. But imagining seeing his handsome face in person and feeling his touch has me soaring.

"Yeah, I just don't know when, or for how long yet. Money is tight, I might have to hire more help for while I'm gone and I gotta make sure Nahuel is going to be able to stay the whole time I'm away."

"I wish I could help." I tell him. He doesn't reply. I can hear him moving, the sound of running water is in the background. "I tried calling you last night." The insecurity is evident in my voice.

"Yeah, I'm sorry babe… I called as soon as I saw." He makes a yawning noise and I want to crawl through the phone and lay on top of him. "I went out with a few guys I met at the gym last night and I had too much to drink. Came home. Passed out. Don't even remember walking home. Woke up with a dozen missed calls."

"I wish I could have been with drunk Briggs last night."

"Nah, I'm paying for it. I could sure use you this morning though." He makes a low noise that stirs desire in me. "What'd you do last night?" He changes the subject quickly.

And there it is. Guilt as heavy as a blanket settles over me. Just then, my other line beeps in and it's Jess, so I tell him to hang on.

"Hey"

"Have you talked to Briggs today?"

"Yeah, I'm on the other line with him now."

"Well Seth told me some stuff and now I'm scared."

"Don't worry about it, he's already getting it under control. He said no one got arrested."

"I know but the way Seth made it sound, it hasn't all been resolved yet."

"Hey. You worry too much. The guys know how to handle themselves."

"I don't know Bella. I'm rethinking this whole thing with Seth. I mean... "

"Jess… chill out, everything will be fine, let me finish with Briggs and I'll call you back."

"Okay, tell him hey for me."

"I will."

When I click over I tell Briggs it was Jess and then I tell him how worried she is. He makes me feel a little better when he says worse shit has happened. But I can't help but think that something must be pretty wrong for him to have to come all the way home.

"Can you help me lift him up?" I hear Nahuel's voice in the background and Briggs tells me he has to go help her, that he'll call me later.

Hearing Nahuel's voice makes me nauseous.

My heart sinks to my ankles when I tell him 'sure' and he says he'll call me soon. We disconnect without saying I love you like we normally do.

Everything is changing.

No sooner than I've laid my phone on my bed and walked over to my closet, there's a text notification.

I take out a comfortable outfit for tonight, draping a necklace over the hanger, and I walk back to pick up my phone.

It's Edward.

**friends give friends advice, right?**

I tap out a quick '**yes' **in reply

I feel a shift from feeling dreadful, insecure and sad, to happy and hopeful as I dive onto my bed, holding my phone above me, waiting to see what he'll say.

A text comes through.

Two images.

The first, a selfie of Edward from the neck down.

All I see is his beautiful, sculpted, smooth, naked chest.

Zings of lust shoot through me as I twist onto my stomach clutching my phone in disbelief.

He's got on a white unbuttoned shirt with rolled up sleeves that hangs on either side of his exposed chest and jeans with a belt, a nice watch on his wrist, and oh my god.

Edward's got a swimmer's body.

His smooth tanned pecs lead down to a lightly sculpted six pack that tucks deep into his jeans that hang so low on his hips. I run my fingers over the center of the picture.

A smile cracks wide across my face as I squeal and ogle the second picture. Which is nothing like the first.

In the second, he's fully clothed with a nice v-neck t-shirt and some khakis. And he wears clothes just like a model.

**which should I wear tonight?**

He knows what he's doing.

He so knows.

I text Jess and tell her to come over before texting him back and then I tap out what he wants me to: **The button down (buttoned up) and jeans**. Because I know he wanted me to see his chest. And though I shouldn't reward him, I can't help it.

He texts back '**thx**' as I stare at the first image.

His chest. His abs. His crotch. His watch. My god. I should delete these pictures.

I try to think of something else.

So, I open Instagram and tap in a search for Nahuel.

Before Jess gets up the stairs I've found five possibles, but when I see her picture, I know I've found the right one.

And when I click on it, the feeling of dread I had moments ago is right back, as I scroll through beautiful images.

Beautiful images of people in love in New York City. Images of couples caught unaware. Images that yell love, lust, want, need and beauty. Images of an elderly man I recognize. Her photos are brilliant. But it's none of those pictures that captivate me.

It's the images of Briggs when he isn't looking. His tattoos. His smile. His lips. His gorgeous baby blue eyes.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

.

.

.

Jess can't stand that I'm going anywhere with Rose tonight. She doesn't want to give her the benefit of the doubt and doesn't want to see her, so she leaves when Rose texts that she's on the way.

I understand where Jess is coming from, and she's got to work tonight anyway, so I don't feel bad that I'm leaving her out.

When Rose pulls up she gives me a vivid smile and it feels good to see her and to be getting out tonight. She catcalls to me as I walk to the tiny red car and the feeling of fun and possibility sinks right in like it always does when I'm with Rose.

Rose looks gorgeous as always when I hop in.

We're off and hugging curves when she looks to me, "So, me and Jazz… we look nothing alike. Everyone says we do, but we're total opposites. And before you ask, no we don't have that creepy e-s-p thing that all the other twins seem to have and thank fuck for that, you know?"

I agree with her and we laugh and chat about Jake and Briggs on the way. She senses my discontent when I answer her about Briggs. It's such a soft spot now. All this angst between us. The distance. The status of our relationship. What are we even doing? Is he with Nahuel behind my back? Does he still feel the way he used to about me? Is he in danger? Is he in trouble?

I zone out until we're pulling up to a small house with cars blocking the driveway and lines of cars down the street. Rose pulls onto the lawn as I scan all the parked cars.

There's one that stands out.

It's the same sleek, white Vette that dropped me off last night.

**A/N: Visit the tumblr to see the picture that Edward sent her :) You can see all Thrust related things at exexboyfrienddottumblrdot com **

**A huge thank you to Lisa... your encouragement means everything to me. Thank you so much. Thank you to everyone that reviews and reads. Some of you are hilarious. **

**I'm getting PMs that ffn isn't letting you guys review chapter 34 ... I think this is because I deleted chapter 3 a few weeks ago, because I combined it with two. This somehow messed up the flow of the chapter counts. So I've moved a chapter to solve that. You can review here.**

**Sorry for the confusion. And as always thank you to the moon. And thank you, Lisa, Maplestyle and Fran... you guys made me laugh.**


	36. Chapter 36

Rose doesn't give me a hard time about the look on my face when I notice Edward's car, but her smirk has me questioning if she has something up her sleeve.

I couldn't blame her if she did. I mean, it's no secret that my relationships have changed like the weather lately.

But Rose has no clue that I'm questioning Briggs' loyalty and where we stand.

She also doesn't know that in order to distract from constantly obsessing over my relationship with Briggs, I've allowed myself to indulge in fantasies of Edward. Like, all afternoon. It's all I can think about after that sweet dinner and then getting his texts and seeing those pictures. God.

I've imagined it for hours, just pulling him close and feeling his mouth on mine, having his warm hands on my skin one more time.

But every time I allowed myself the freedom to fantasize, the guilt of betraying Briggs got heavier. And then the doubts about Nahuel would sword fight the guilt, slicing it down… defeating it, convincing me that Briggs has betrayed me and all we set out to be.

But in his defense… I'm the one that insisted Briggs be with me before he left, he did try to be noble and save me from feeling the way I feel now.

This is my life. Mind-fighting and over-analyzing every situation that involves Edward or Briggs. Which happens to be 75% of what I think about each day. It's exhausting.

I'm beginning to think that Edward's right. I'm too young for this much pressure. It would be much easier to just do what feels good and figure out the rest as I go.

.

.

.

Echoes of laughter and notes of faded music climb up from the back of the house as we approach the front door.

Rose grabs my hand as I follow her up the steps, through the house, and out to a large back yard. As we step out, the late afternoon sun peeks above the treetops and the smell of smoke from the firepit is heavy in the air. We pass through the laid back and lazy fun smiles and nods.

Rose stops to hug a guy she introduces as Murphy. He's a big burly Paul Bunyon type with brown shaggy hair who takes my hand as we're introduced, and turns both of us to his girlfriend Nora, who's almost as tall as Rose and has rainbow streaks in her hair. We're not short by any means but this guy makes all of us look like dwarves.

"Where's my evil twin?" Rose asks, looking up, with a bright smile in her eyes. Murphy looks to the side, and points to the large oak with lights strung along its limbs. It dips low illuminating the people underneath. "He's up tonight, so you caught him at a good time!"

Rose smiles, "So I don't have to worry about anyone breaking my brother's knees to squeeze his poker debt out if him? That's comforting."

"I think he'll be fine tonight." Murphy's strong voice floats over us and I take a moment to scan the crowd. Lots of pretty girls and normal guys laced around that all look scholarly… certainly not the Clubhouse type guys. Not a soul here would look right on a bike aside from Rose and me. I feel a little out of my element but I shrug it off and chat with them for a minute before moving on as Rose pulls us towards the group by the tree.

The large group surrounds two tables covered in cards, chips, cups and elbows. Their voices rise over music that pours from two small speakers propped in the kitchen window and a much bigger one placed on a tree stump nearby.

"There he is." I hear her say and the expression on her face is pure love. I follow her gaze to the cute guy by the tree and I watch as he notices her from across the way, reflecting the same admiration in his eyes.

His face is familiar and not because it's similar to Rose's, but because he's the guy that was in Edward's passenger seat when I hit him from behind.

He's got a smile that takes up his whole face when he rises to come to us.

Casual strides bring him close and he wraps his arms around Rose, picking her up, spinning her around as he squeezes her. When he sets her on her feet he glances from me and back to Rose as she tells him, "This is Bella. Bella, meet my other half."

Just a few inches taller than his sister, he looks like a surfer… no shirt, just shorts and bare feet. He's pretty, just like Rose. There's no question he's her other half.

I feel a little embarrassed as I flash back to him looking at me through my windshield, after barreling into them at the light, but it's as if he doesn't remember, when he extends his hand, politely taking mine. "I'm Jasper… it's very nice to meet you, Bella." He bends to kiss my hand.

He's a charmer.

He looks different from the last time I saw him. His hair is messy sun-bleached curls, no longer in a sheik bun. He's all smokey smudged roots and pale blond twists that almost meet his chin. He's got big swirly blue marbles for eyes and pillowy blush colored lips that come together beautifully when he speaks. And I like how he talks, pressing out the sound of each letter.

"Thanks, you too." I genuinely smile back at him. He's got a buzzing happy energy about him that's instantly infectious… reminds me of his sister.

Rose has her lips plastered to his cheek as I reply to him and he loves it. He turns to her with concern in his eyes, "Where've you been? Besides stuck up some guy's ass? I haven't seen you in two weeks," he says in a teasing but jealous tone.

"Ah, don't be rude, Jas… go get your guests some drinks!" She tells him, slapping his butt and nudging him in the other direction.

We look on as Jasper responds with a yeah-yeah look and tells us he'll be right back. I people watch as Rose leans into me telling me to keep an eye out for a big guy with dimples before saying, "And one more thing… your lover is here."

She looks at me with a devious smile and I put my best poker face on when I act uninterested. Because although we've reconciled, at this point I still don't trust Rose. Or her motivation.

"Briggs is still in New York," I unaffectedly fire through her tri-toned shiny locks.

She puts an arm around my shoulder and comes close to my ear, "You know exactly who I'm talking about… and it isn't New York."

She digs her eyes into my soul, lasering right through the secret I hold in the pit of my tummy. "You remember that party? The one that Edward Cullen was all tongue on his girlfriend's neck but eyes on you? I know you do, and he's here." She has a huge suggestive smile as she continues quietly teasing me and I have that same feeling that Edward gives me, the feeling that all of my thoughts are plastered across my face. She continues, "And don't try to deny it either, you were so horny after that you made out with me three times."

I shrug it off, whisper-talking quickly, "It was only twice, and I remember him… he's definitely not my lover."

"Maybe not yet," she leans her face in closer to me and with her eyes glued to the guy I met at the dealership, Emmett, when she continues "But listen… let's make a pact that what happens at my brothers house, stays at my brother's house… okay?"

I smile, giving her a whatever look, trying to hide the fun anticipation I really feel and I tell her, "Yeah… sure."

It's clear now where she's headed with this, I just hope she doesn't leave me standing here alone with a bunch of people I've never met and Edward Cullen lurking somewhere in the midst.

My worries are tossed aside when Jasper is back with full beers in no time and a tiny thing with long red curls comes running up from behind him wrapping her arms around his torso. He looks at her lovingly before cuddling her to his side and introducing us, "Bella this is Tori, my girl." She smiles brightly, rolling her eyes and extends her hand, "My friends call me Victoria, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi, Victoria… nice to meet you too." As I'm speaking the words, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge and I don't need to look behind me to know who's just come close. I can smell him. That same amazing cologne he wore the day he was just a stranger demanding I move over and let him drive me home.

A hot feeling shudders through as I anticipate the look on his face when we see each other and god I just hope I don't look like a stalker.

Jasper has lips on his girl, Rose has eyes on Emmett, Emmett is oblivious to everything but the conversation he's having and I feel awkward right now because my nerves have just spiked and I don't know where to look or what to do with my hands besides hold the cup. So, I start nervously gulping.

I finish the watery beer and am greeted by a butterscotch whisper in my ear.

"You don't have to subject yourself to pounding light beer and hanging with Rose just to be close to me. You could've saved us both from a monotonous weekend and invited me over instead."

I look up at him and he stares out over the people around us with a confident smirk before peeking over his shoulder, down my shirt and then back at me before casually taking a sip from his cup.

He's wearing jeans and a band tee. Not what I expected, but he still looks good. His nose cheeks and forehead are sunkissed bringing out the amber tones in his eyes making them glow golden under the late evening sun. He's beautiful. I stare at him not noticing that

Jasper, Rose and Victoria drift a little, continuing their conversation, leaving us somewhat isolated.

"You could've gotten a better date than Rose," he teases.

I meet his tease with my own, "I needed someone to make out with while my boyfriend's away. Rose is really good at that and she's since she's a girl she doesn't officially count as cheating." I smile at him while silently karate chopping myself for poking the lion.

"Cheating. That all you're worried about? Being found out? Because I can keep secrets." Temptation rolls right off his tongue placing images in my mind I'll never forget. A sharp twitch between my legs springs as I fain a cough.

He watches Jasper twirling Victoria in a circle and looks back to me with a teasing grin, "You and Rose just friends too?"

The thought that I'll regret this is quieted by my impulsive need to push this where we can't pull back from. I reply with a devilish grin, "We're the best kind of just friends."

He gives his most earnest and concerned tone, coming closer, softly trailing my shoulder, across my neck, and to my other shoulder, speaking silk ribbons, "I sure hope she's taking care of all of your needs." He meets my eyes and we both look at his hand as he shifts his crotch slowly, just like he did that first time we met. The wide grip he takes is not lost on me and I instantly clench at the memory of his girth in my hands.

"Let me know if you need me to pick up her slack." He says this with true concern and though I roll my eyes in response, I'm flustered watching his movements, the memory of my grip on him alive in my mind and thoughts of his soft warm tongue in my mouth etch through.

Edward Cullen is a master at making me want him. And knowing that it doesn't matter to him if I'm taken or not, makes him all the more irresistible.

That's the feeling I get anyway, as he smiles with his eyes on me, fingers gently cradling his cup. It's not his typical sarcastic smile but a determined, sadistic grin and I'm trying to be good here, but his face. And the way he smells.

.

.

.

An hour later, we stand at the kitchen bar as Rose and Emmett talk about baseball, it seems they're both die hard fans of the sport. We've ditched the dad beer and scoured through Jasper's liquor selection.

Edward has kept his distance while staying close since our last conversation. From across the room I can feel the burn of his eyes on my skin.

I don't know how much longer I can play the part of loyal girlfriend. How much longer I can go on pretending I don't feel his eyes on me. Pretending I don't see the other girls and how they come on to him. Trying my best to hide my satisfaction when he pays none of them attention.

I've whisked each thought of his lips away. Still, with relentless force, each thought I push away is only replaced by another much more passionate one.

I'm trying my best to be true, but how do you fight the force of temptation when its power is so much greater than your own?

With the alcohol in my system and my anticipation so high, a fuck-up on my part is inevitable if he comes any closer, and looks at me the way he does, or worse… says the words that I can't say no to.

I fear that I'll give into him and what will come of that.

.

.

.

The sun set two hours ago, right about the time this beautiful numbing buzz set in, and across the way from us, I admire how the glow from the firepit looks nice on Edward's face.

Earlier, Edward eased off of the flirty innuendo and the intense stares and turned into this normal guy that made me laugh. I like watching his eyes crinkle when he smiles. I love how his bright golden eyes shine when he laughs, how his long dark lashes wash over his face when he blinks. I like how my tummy flips when we smile at each other.

I like more than like it.

I watch as Edward steps over to talk to Emmett while me, Rose, Jasper, Victoria, Murphy and Nora stand around the fire, drinking, laughing, talking as the kindling pops and cracks. I'm on my third jack and coke and Rose is next to me, thankfully steady by my side amongst this group I'm not accustomed to. But the plus-side is everyone here seems super down to earth, nothing wild like the first party at Edward's girlfriend's place. Except for James… the guy is a total creep. Makes me nervous.

Rose is much more calm tonight, this is definitely a softer shade of her.

Jake's changing her for the better. They seem to be really good together. She hasn't gotten wasted since the drag and claims she's knows her limit now. She hasn't touched blow since Venice Beach and says she's sworn it off. Jake's convinced her to stick with beer or weed. They have a deal. No more of the hard stuff.

A few times tonight, I've compared myself to her and other people our age. I think about how irresponsible we both were, taking pills that could have killed us. Driving down the highway higher than a satellite, putting hundreds of other people in danger, not to mention ourselves.

That's the thing about pain though. Sometimes you'll risk killing yourself just to find a moment of quiet numb, or loud euphoria… anything to block the pain. In my case, sex, drugs or booze… all three work wonders; they all quiet the doubts, the guilt, the fear, the insecurities, the sadness, the pain. I guess Rose and I both still have work to do. Although I'm done with the drugs, all of them, I'm not letting go of booze. Or sex.

Those two are necessities.

Rose pulls me from my thoughts, "Edward's looking at you again."

Of course he is. The man has esp. The minute my brain thought of sex is most likely when he turned this way. He's an evil mind vampire that thrives on my private thoughts.

I glance across the fire to see Edward looking at his watch, and then his eyes meet mine. There's a girl next to him; there've been girls around him all night tonight, but he hasn't laid a hand on one of them. In fact, every time I take inventory, to see where he is, we've caught eyes.

Like why are you over there and I'm over here, caught eyes. Like, I'd rather be in your car alone with you just staring at you and listening to you breathe, caught eyes. Like, I'd rather be back at the drag, your lips on mine, caught eyes.

I'm one hundred percent positive that I want Edward Cullen. And I'm two hundred percent positive that he wants me.

Edward doesn't even have to speak to me to make me feel these things now. Just his burning glances from across the yard make me question exactly what I'm doing.

It seems pretty clear what Briggs has been doing. And it looks like he's been spending a lot of time with Nahuel. So much so, that she's comfortable making him the target of her camera lens for her last twenty-five posts. That's right, twenty-five. And the worst part of all of it is she's so good. Her photographs are brilliant.

You can see the good in Briggs through her photos of him. His bright smile is a perfect reflection of his loving, kind heart. The deep blue in his eyes shows his desperation for a better life, and the depth of his stare reveal the doubts that he can truly live one. Those images tell his story. She sees him just as I do. And then there are the images of his most perfect silhouette. What really bothers me though are the close up images of his lips, his back, his chest, tattoos and hands. There isn't a part of his body that she hasn't documented. And it doesn't matter that they aren't nude suggestive photos. What matters to me is the intimacy that screams from those photos. The way she captures him. He's clearly become the subject of her eye and what's stopping him from from the same with her? She's seeing him every day. She's sleeping there now. She's welcoming him home. She's documenting him. She's helping his grandfather. She's there.

I'm not.

I get nauseous every time the thought of this flits through my mind. Which was near constant, until earlier this afternoon when those two texts came through. An enticing jolt sweeps through me at the thought of his bare chest.

I pull myself out of that thought, nudging Rose and leaning into her ear, "I really like your brother. He's charming and cute."

She smiles wide and suggestively, "Remind you of anyone?" She coyishly shrugs off the reference to herself as I agree, rolling my eyes and laughing at her.

"Yeah, Jas is great. We're tight. It's been different lately though. I miss him."

"What's up with that?" I ask her.

"I haven't been hanging with him that much since me and Jake. He's not Jake's biggest fan. No surprise there though."

"Really?"

"Yeah, They go way back. Some high school bullshit. I don't know. I don't ask or even try to push it because Jake doesn't like my brother either." She pushes her hair over her shoulder and continues, " I don't know how serious I can ever get with Jake with him not approving of my twin though, you know?"

I nod and try to highlight the only positives I can in this situation, "I know how much he likes you. I know how he smiles when your name comes up. I'm sure that he could put anything behind him for you if he just tried." And I believe that. I could see the way that Jake lit up when we talked about Rose. I'm sure he can swallow any issue he has with her brother.

"I don't know Bella, sometimes it feels like I want a relationship that's happy and easy. Not one that's happy with potential to be tumultuous." I easily relate to Rose. This is exactly how I've been feeling all week. She continues, "Because cutting my brother out even just ten percent has sucked, not to mention all of Jake's club baggage. I'm rethinking my whole relationship with him now." I was clearly wrong about them. Maybe I'm wrong about a lot of things right now. I just wanna shut my brain off.

Her words make me reflect on my relationship with Briggs. I can't ask Briggs to fire his nurse and hire an ugly one. And I can't be with him knowing he's with her more than me either. Anyone with half a brain can see there's a hook up in the future, if not already, if he continues living there and she continues being a live-in nurse for his grandfather.

Would I be better off finding happiness elsewhere? Can I even be happy without Briggs?

Edward appears at my side out of nowhere, his arm softly touching mine.

From my other side, Rose pops a kiss on my cheek and tells me if she goes missing not to worry and gives me the suggestive eyebrows that people give when they're referring to "getting some". I just shake my head with a laugh as I watch her skip away. I feel a tinge of envy at Rose's ambition.

"What's on your mind tonight?" He gently nudges my shoulder with his arm and continues, "Every time I look at you, it seems like you're somewhere else."

"You mean you can't read my thoughts?" I challenge him with a flirty smile.

"Only some of them." He's quick.

"Glad to know I've got some privacy."

"I mainly just filter through the thoughts that aren't about me." He says this very matter of factly.

"Oh really. Like which ones?" I humor him as I twist back in forth in anticipation of what he'll come up with.

"Like, you can't stand that guy James you met earlier." He nods in the direction that sleazeball James is in.

"Interesting." He's spot on there. "And what about these other thoughts you think I'm having?"

He comes closer, walking around me to the other side. I feel him taking in the scent of my hair as he passes and my nerves fizz up. I'm turned on, so turned on.

"For starters, you've thought about that picture I sent you more than once today." He stares at my phone in my hand leaning in, closer to my ear. "You've definitely looked at it more than once. My guess is it's saved somewhere other than that text." He doesn't have a smile on his face, but the look of an investigator telling a criminal the crime they've committed. Assuming their guilt before asking of their innocence.

And I'm so damn guilty but I'm good at denial.

"Aren't you the confident one." I say this to the fire while flicking away the memory of me looking at the picture every five minutes after receiving it and finally saving it to my camera roll.

He brushes off my denial.

"It's okay to admit it. I was imagining my lips on you that night at the party a few weeks back. And then I thought about it every night after that as well. Can't stop thinking about it tonight. You look beautiful, Bella."

He sees me lose my breath. He can sense that he's taking me under and he loves it. He thrives on these moments. I'm begining to as well, but again with my denial.

"Aren't you just stellar boyfriend material? Seducing another woman while kissing the one you're committed to. Women must be lining up to date you."

"None that interest me. And she never knew. What doesn't hurt, won't kill right?"

"You're making such a great case for yourself, Edward. Please, don't stop."

He takes another sip before speaking again and he hits me with his best face before speaking. The firelight bathes him, highlighting his shiny wild hair, his bright golden eyes and his glowing tanned skin as he speaks quietly, "Don't pretend that you're completely innocent in this while you've been passing your time with this other guy. You know and I know it. You've thought about that kiss a dozen times at least, you know we could be fire together. And it's fine for you to keep denying us… to keep putting us off, to label us whatever makes you feel comfortable." He moves his hands to demonstrate his words as I listen intently. "But you and I both know this isn't going away… friends or not, it will always be there; you, me and this craving in between."

Tiny pops and zings sizzle through my insides at his words. I'm almost shaking from this intensity between us. He's exactly right. Every word he's said is true.

I try to recover from another powerful wave of Edward and respond quickly, giving him a challenging and pointed look, one that says we've crossed the line and both of us need to back up.

"And can you read my mind right now, Edward?"

"I can." He says confidently.

And though the tiniest part of me wants to back us up, away from this point of no return, there's something so thrilling about toeing this line with him. This danger of knowing I'm playing with fire is exhilarating. Juxtapose the exhilaration to the fear of knowing I hold the gasoline that could light this fire and all it will take for this whole thing to ignite is for him to come close enough to these fumes. The concoction of the two emotions is addictive and powerful.

"And?" I say in a flirty tone with a half smile on my face expecting something cocky and challenging in return.

He sets his beer on a nearby stump and looks out to the others before turning to me with intense eyes that beg me to just accept him, while bringing his finger to my chin, tilting up to him as he sees fit. "You have these deep desires inside you that you don't ever speak of… to anyone. But they're written all over your face when you look at me sometimes."

His tone is serious and intent making me feel nervous. So I hold steady and fake it through, "Humor me."

He moves to stand behind me and gathers my hair to one side… bringing his face close enough that the tip of his nose trails as he breathes up the back of my neck, just behind my ear. I fall dizzy under his spell as his breath laces my skin when he speaks. "I see your need to be taken over… handled with force and determination, to be put out of your thoughts, out of your mind, to be bent and shattered. There's something about me… you instinctively know what I'd do to you. I'd quiet all the chaos inside you… I'd shake you from the inside out… make you my little ragdoll." His teeth put the slightest pressure on my earlobe before sliding off with the most delicious scrape before placing the lightest, softest kiss right under.

I take a deep breath in as my heart pounds and the heat between my back and his front flares. Tummy spinning, and under his spell, I listen with eyes closed clenching my drink in one hand and my phone in the other.

"That's what you need. You need to be stilled." He places another soft kiss on the back of my neck. "To have all those incessant thoughts quieted and to just be taken care of. Just one more reason why he may be what you want but I am what you need."

I can't find my voice through the x-rated images Edward has placed in my mind.

I shake my head with a smile on my face. It's hard to hide that his words are sending me over and though I should, I'm not gonna tell him to stop. I like this. I like feeling wanted. I like feeling wanted by him and I'm becoming addicted to the fantasy of it all.

He grips my hip with his large hand and continues in a softer, friendlier tone, "Stop overthinking everything and let's just get out of here." He presses up against me and I instinctively lean back against his body. "I'll stay in my lane if you want me to. And if you decide you want more, we'll explore that too. You control this. You call the shots, just leave with me, Bella."

I press back lying against him, wanting to remain this way with him… feeling him against me with the cover of night around us.

"I can't just leave with you Edward. I came here with Rose, and we kinda just mended fences, it wouldn't be cool to just leave."

He steps around to face me. The fire lights up the side of his face and with fierce determined eyes, he looks better than he's ever looked. "She left with Emmett five minutes ago. They might be a while, maybe all night, so I promised her I'd get you home safely earlier." He smiles like a kid with candy.

"I don't believe you."

"Suit yourself, call her." He's so calm and unbothered as he backs up, "I'll be in the car when you're finished looking for her."

And he walks away.

My heart pounds as I scope the backyard and see no Rose in sight. I draw closer to the patio and she's in none of those circles either. Victoria calls out to me when I'm about to go into the house and I stop to speak. "It was really nice to meet you earlier, Bella." She has beautiful teeth and such a sweet smile. I tell her the same and ask her if she's seen Rose only to hear exactly what Edward just told me. I fold to the inevitable and go inside, determined to use the restroom before I get in the car with seduction himself.

I wash my hands and look at myself in the mirror knowing what I'm about to do. The comfort of his words, "you control this," flow back through my mind but the only picture that keeps flashing is one of his lips on mine... not one of us being just friends tonight.

I'm at least five drinks down and still the nerves flare through me as I walk out the front door, through the dimly lit yard and over to the car I know well.

I open the passenger door, sliding in without a word.

Edward has one hand on the wheel and his foot on the gas as soon as he sees that my door is shut. It won't take him two seconds to see how nervous I am.

"Hey." He looks at me softly and stops the car as he shifts from reverse into first. "You ready?" He's got a fun smile across his face and his eyes are crinkly like I love them. It instantly pulls a smile out of me.

"Where are you taking me?"

He peels out, gaining speed quickly, laying me back into the seat, spreading fire between my knees and a content smile across my face.

"We're going to my place."

.

.

.

"Ladies and Gentleman, at this time we would like to begin boarding for flight 809, service from New York to LAX. If you're seated in zone one you are welcome to board."

The sound of the intercom wakes him and he slowly reaches up to rub the scruff on his face. He pulls the paper from his pocket,,confirming his boarding pass for flight 809 as he watches the crowd line up, each holding their luggage close.

He patiently waits for zone 6 to be called.

Soon Briggs will be home.


End file.
